Becoming The Female Alpha

"I am leaving." I said in a small voice, my body angled towards Ariel as I watched her facial expression.

We were sitting side by side on the only piece of furniture in my room, staring vacantly into space. It was the only furniture I could allow without feeling like I was blood sucking leech out to wreck the pack.

I was an outsider after all; I didn't deserve to enjoy any benefits from them if I wasn't contributing to the growth of the pack.

Ariel was very easy to read as she wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was interesting to watch the way her brows furrowed and the right one arched high, then her lips curled downwards, and she snapped her head to look at me with squinted eyes.

"What?" She exclaimed, almost jumping out of her seat, and I had to hold her down before she attempted such actions.

"Be careful, Ari, the baby." I chastised her in a soft voice, because goddess forbid she had an accident while she was with me.

Kane would never forgive me, and it would destroy whatever truce we had.

"What did you just say?" Ariel asked again, glaring at me with squinted eyes as if it would get me to answer. But I wasn't Kane; such things don't work on me. "Maddie!" She groaned, annoyed by my silence, and I rolled my eyes.

"You heard me, Ariel; I have to go. I can't stay here anymore. There is nothing for me." I sighed, and it was the truth.

Ariel had managed to find her footing in her relationship, which was pretty ironic seeing that I had watched it crumble; I even helped her escape. But somehow, they had found a way to fix their relationship, and they were going stronger than ever. The oblong stomach, growing bigger every day, was proof enough.

And the green monster that was envy reared its ugly head.

Within those months, I have managed to gain nothing. I was still as I came.

I can't say I have made any progress with my mate, as we still lived in separate rooms, and the only relationship I had with him was cordial except the kisses, which were as infrequent as ever.

I don't hold any position in the pack-it is not like I would agree. But I was stagnant as it is, and the very thought irked me.

It was time to move on, to make progress, and the only way I could do so was to leave.

"And what did Toby say? Did he let you go? Is he leaving with you?" Her pitch increased with every word, and her pupils widened so much that they looked like a full moon.

"Ariel!" I took her hands in mine, squeezing it gently before she would tire herself with worry. All this wasn't good for the baby.

"Maddie, you can't do this. Toby can't leave." She croaked, her voice breaking as she spoke, and I could tell the first sign of an outburst.

"Toby is not leaving." Yet, it was still a probability.

"But y..you..." Ariel tried to come up with words, but her vocabulary failed her, and she had no choice but to give up, directing those dewy orbs at me for help. I slowly shook my head, and it was comical to see her eyes widening even more as she understood what I was trying to convey. "Toby doesn't have any idea?"

"Not yet."

Her gasps echoed through the near-empty room, and she slapped her palm over her mouth. "Are you planning to run away? Maddie! that will kill him."

I only had to take a look at her face before I burst into laughter, throwing my head back and my shoulders vibrating as I laughed. "Ariel, you are such a delight to be with."

She shrugged her shoulders, but her brows were still pulled tight in confusion. "Thanks, I guess."

I raised my head to look at her, but I was not prepared to see the genuine fear in her eyes. I don't know if it was for me or Toby, but it feels good to know that someone was going to miss me.

"I am not planning on running away; I will tell Toby, but I wanted you to know first."

"Awww, Maddie." Ariel cooed, blinking her eyes as it started getting red, and I released a short sigh, rolling my eyes.

Pregnancy was really a bitch.

"Fine, have at it." I closed my eyes, stretching my arms open as wide as they could, and Ariel needed no further prompting as she slammed into me for a hug, a rather awkward one as the protruding stomach made it difficult for us to make full contact.

We settled on a side hug, my palm gently tapping her shoulder in a soft rhythm until her sniffles reduced and she left the hug.

"Do you need tissues?"

"Yes please." Her voice was hoarse from the cry, yet she managed to sound lovely, if it were I... Some things were better left unsaid. Instead, I stretched my hands, reaching for the box of Kleenex that sat on the nightstand, and I grabbed it, offering it to Ariel, who took a piece and blew into it. "I am really glad you are telling me this, Maddie. You know I don't like to intrude, but why are you really leaving?"

I couldn't begin to tell Ariel that one of the reasons I was leaving was because I was envious of her and how well her life seemed to be going, while mine was nowhere near starting.

I had to settle for half truth.

"There is nothing for me here, Ari. I have been the same since I came, and I can't even do anything in the pack. I can't stay here anymore."

"I understand you, Maddie; I have noticed how hard you have tried to fit in with us, but it must be exhausting."

I shook my head as the thoughts began to flood into my memories. "You have no idea."

"What are you going to do when you leave here?" Ariel asked me, and I know she was only saying it from a place of concern.

"I will go back to my pack. It is time for my parents to handover, and I will go and fight for the alpha's position."

"Will you be okay? I am still learning about the werewolf world, but I know they are not exactly accepting of a female Alpha."

"I know; that is why I have to make a difference. It is going to be a tough one, but I can do it."

"Maddie." Ariel whined as she reached out for another of those arm hugs. "You are so strong. I will miss you when you go."

"I will miss you too. I will try to visit whenever I have the chance, probably when everything is settled." I told her, trying to soothe the pain, and she nodded her head as she sat down.

"Although I am honored you told me first, I think Toby deserved to know."

"Of course." I replied, although right now, I think running away may be the best option. We carried on with light conversation, and then without warning, Ariel stood up abruptly.

"I would love to continue, but I have to go now." I nodded my head; no doubt the mate was already getting antsy.

I followed her out of the room and made for Toby's room while she headed for their shared room. I stood in front of Toby's room, my hand wrapped around the doorknob, and I pressed it down, slowly opening the door and letting myself inside.

No matter how long I have been sleeping here, it still feels strange. It could as well be because I only slept there at night, and at the crack of dawn, I was back in my room the next morning like a thief.

I know it was a little stressful, but Toby would always hunt me if I didn't sleep in the room, so I had to settle for a compromise.

But this time I sat on the bed and waited for his arrival, and like a dutiful alarm, the door opened at exactly 2 p.m. and he entered inside.

His eyes connected with mine, and his eyes widened-the only indication that he was surprised to see me. "Maddie, is something wrong?" Toby asked, his brows furrowed in concern, and he rushed towards me, his eyes racking over my body as he looked for signs.

I folded my arms, unable to withstand his scrutiny, but I nodded my head. "Yes." The only time I entered his room was at night and to sleep so I could understand his concerns.

"I have to tell you something."

"We need to talk."

We said at the same time, and his lips widened, revealing that hint of smile that always made me go crazy. Toby was just so easy to love; he made everything seem easy. The way he could smile or laugh with ease or form bonds with literal strangers was amazing, and that was one of the things I love about him.

"You go first." Toby said, and I shook my head.

"No, you first."

"I insist, ladies first." He probes ever so gently that it doesn't feel like he is forcing you, and I was nodding my head before I realized it. That was another thing he was good at.

Manipulation.

I looked up to meet his eyes, his brown eyes that were so dark it was often mistaken to be black, but I knew better because I was the only one that had seen it up close.

I took a deep breath to steady myself before I shattered his fragile heart, then I opened my mouth and said those dreadful words.

"I am leaving."