Etiquette

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AND

ness O

ly mechanical tool ever needed by a woman is a hair-pin"? He might have added t

eep a nicely adjusted balance. In New York, for instance, the visiting card has entirely taken the place of the written note of invitation to informal parties of every description. Messages of condolence or congratulation are written on it; it is used as an endors

Size And

ing upon the length of the name.) Young girls use smaller cards than older ladies. A gentleman's card is long and narrow, from 2-7/8 to 3-1/4; inches long, and from 1-1/4 to 1-5/8 inches high. All visiting cards are engraved on white unglazed bristol

tering should be avoided. All people who live in cities should have the address in the lower right corner, engraved in smaller letters than the name. In the country, addresses

ical E

of cards printed from one plate. The cards would va

am

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d Mrs.

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th her mother's and father's, so her name being out of li

d Mrs.

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Gil

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fantastic or garish note in the type effect, in the quality or sh

ness acquaintance, under social rather than business circumstances, or in paying a formal call upon a political or business associate. Unmarried men

Names An

h and every one given in baptism, he asserts his possessions by representing each one with an initial, and engraves his cards Mr. John H.T. Smith, or Mr. J.H. Titherington Smith, as suits his fancy. So, although, according to high author

ess and in legal matters a woman is necessarily addressed by her own Christian name, because she uses it in her signature. But no one should ever address an envelope, except from a bank or a lawyer's office, "Mrs. Sarah Smith." When a widow's son, who has the name of his father, marries, the widow has Sr. added to her own name, or

ays bears the name of her husband. To have a man and his mother use cards engraved respectively Mr. J.H. Smith and Mrs. J.H. Smith and the son's wife a c

ys "Miss" before her name, which must be her real and ne

should be engraved Mr. John Hunter Smith, Jr., and his wife's Mrs. John Hunter Smith, Jr. Some p

llege. A doctor, or a judge, or a minister, or a military officer have their cards engraved with the abb

Dr. and Mrs. Henry Gord

York State at least. Usually she prefers, if her name was Alice Green, to call herself Mrs. Green Smith; not Mrs. Alice Sm

ren's

and those graces of deportment that Lord Chesterfield so ardently tried to instil into his son, training can not begin early enough, sin

n cards, which they are taught not so much to leave upon each oth

between them, to which they had themselves attached their own small visiting cards. One card was bordered

ter seeing the baby, one had printed "He is very little," and the other, "It has a red face." This shows that if modern s

ds And When

ing present, or with flowers to a funeral, or with flowers

he daughter is "grown" and "eligible" for invitations. In the same way a mother may leave her son's card with her own upon any of her own friends-especially upon those likely to entertain for young people. This is the custom if a you

.P.C.

is usually left at the door, or sent by mail to acquaintances, when one is leaving for the season, or for good. It never takes the place of a farewell visit when one has received

w Or Tempor

er printed society list, one notifies acquaintance

ritten in ink, when one is in a strange city an

r temporary address written on it to any gentleman whom she

ards A

p. on it and require an answer), one should mail cards to the hostess so as to arrive on the morning

Gil

Gil

fth A

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-, the mother and father of the bride, and another set of

it Of E

t her visiting list with the precision of a bookkeeper in a bank; everyone's credit was entered or cancelled according to the presence of her or his cards in the card receiver. Young people who liked to be asked to her house were apt to leave an ex

and interests for the very type of youth which of necessity is the vital essence of all social gaiety. Society can have distinction and dignity without youth-but not gaiety. The country with its outdoor sports, its freedom from exacting conventions, has gradually deflected the interest of the younger fashionables, until at present they care very little whether Mrs. Toplofty and Mrs. Social-Leader ask them to their balls or not. They are glad enough to

asure. He was long ago one of the first to rebel against old Mrs. Toplofty's exactions of party calls, by saying he did not care in the least whether his great-aunt Jane Toplofty invited him to her stodgy old ball or not. And then Lucy Wellb

isits are never paid on other occasions. Visits to strangers, visits of condolence, and of other courtesies are still paid, quite as punctiliously as ever. But within the walls of society itself, the visit of formality is decreasing. One might almost say that in certain ci

ces should not be, or are not, in the height of fashion elsewhere. Nor, on the other hand, must anyone suppose because the younger fashionables in New Yo

s spent in their club or at the house of a young woman, not tête-a-tête, but invariably playing bridge. The Sunday afternoon visits tha

ial position, except to send with flowers or wedding presents, do not use a dozen visiting cards a ye

rds Mus

n a lady's house; or if one has for the first time been invited to lunch or dine with strangers,

a real "cause" can excuse the affront to an innocent stranger that the refusal to return a first c

s that a visit be paid before issuing a first invitation. Sometimes a note of explanation is sent asking that the formality be waived, but it is never disregarded, except in the case of an invitation from an older lady to a young girl. Mrs. Worldly, for instance, who has

e a card on, or send flowers to, an acquaintance who has suffered a recent bere

n Place Of R

vites the Normans to dinner. They go. A short time afterward Mrs. Norman invites the Gildings-or the Gildings very likely again invite the Normans. Some evening at all events, the Gildings dine with the Normans. Someday, if Mrs. Gilding happens to be leaving cards, she may leave them at the Normans-or she may not. Some people leave cards

At

it intended to-that Mrs. Jones is out of the house. Some people say "Not receiving," which means actually the same thing, but the "not at home" is infinitely more poli

nd the slightest objection if a hostess, happening to recognize the visitor as a particular friend, calls out, "Do come in! I am at home to you!" Anyone who talks about this phrase as being a "white lie" either doesn't understand the meaning of the words, or is going very far afield to look for untruth. To be consistent, these over-literals should also exact that when a guest inadvertently knocks over a tea cup and

the servant, after taking a card, come back with the message "Mrs. Jones is out" can not fail to make the visitor feel rebuffed. Once a card has been admitted, the visitor must be admitted also, no matter how inconvenient receiving he

t home" in the library to intimate friends, but "not at home" in the drawing-room to acquaintances. It is a nuisance to be obliged to remember either to turn an "in" and "out" card in the hail, or to ring a bell and

ashioned

ing card cases, tripped demurely into this house, out of that, and again into another; and there were always many broughams and victorias slowly "exercising" up and down, and very smart footmen standing with maroon or tan or fur rugs over their arms in front of Mrs. Wellborn's house or Mrs. Oldname's, or the big house of Mrs. Toplofty at the corner of Fifth Avenue. It must have been enchanting to be a grown person in those days! Enchanting also were the C-spring victorias, as was life in general that was taken at a slow carriage pace

an imposingly beautiful old house where, on a certain afternoon of the week, if you come in for tea, you are sure to meet not alone those prominent in the world of fashion, but a fair admixture of artists, scientists, authors; inventors, distinguished strangers-in a word Bes

ng: A Questionabl

ut ever asking if anyone is home. Some butlers announce "Not at home" from force of habit even when no question is asked. There are occasions when t

f the bride, after a wedding,

which you were invited. It is not considered necessary (in New York at least) to ask if she is at home; promptness in leaving your card is, in this instance, better manners than delaying your "party call" and asking if she is at home. This matter of asking at the door

introduction, but it is more polite-even though not necessary-to ask to be received. Some

very lady who has invited the daughter to her house, and a courteous hostess returns all of

ch Everyon

it of condolence should be paid at once to a friend when a death occurs in her imme

ask to be received, and it is always thoughtful

Should she be out, you do not ask to see her mother. You do, however, leave a

paid to a new mother and a gift

Written

ers sent to a funeral. This same message is written on a card and left at the door of

card left at the house of a sick

known, it would be better taste not to leave a card on her, since your card afterward found without explanation might be interpreted as an uncalled-for visit made in an attempt for a place on her list. If, on the other hand, she is the u

tment house, you should write her name in pencil across the top of y

are sorry not to find at home, it is "friendly" to wr

Other people mean merely to show that the card was left at the door in person and not sent in an envelope. Other people turn them

Announcing Enga

ent. The answer can have nothing to do with etiquette, since an engraved announcement i

le See Th

and paying formal visits is between 3.30 and 4.30. One should hesitate to pay a visit at the "tea hour" u

e o'clock, and their friends who know them well come in at that

ng Often Arrang

haven't seen you for weeks! Won't you come in to tea, or to lunch-just you." Mrs. Kindhart answers, "

says, "Yes, but not until a quarter of six." He says, "Fine, I'll come then." Or she says, "I'm so sorr

e seldom meet except for bridge, most likely it is Millicent Gilding who telephones the Struthers youth

rst Visi

ace, it is not only unfriendly but uncivil for their neighbors not to call on them. The older residents always call on the newer. And the person of greates

hich the other replies "I will with pleasure." More usually the first one offers "I should like to

bound in politeness to do so, otherwise she implies that t

ymoon. And when a man marries a girl from a distant place, courtesy absolutely deman

The Door

d a pencil. The nicest kind of pad is one that when folded, makes its own envelope, so that a

r lady approaching, should have the card tray ready to present, on the palm of th

mber Of Ca

hree is the greatest number ever left of any one card. In calling on Mrs. Town, who has three grown daughters and her mother living in the house, and a Mrs. Stranger staying with her whom the visitor was invited to a luncheon to meet, a card on each would need a packet of six. Inste

e Calle

re-enters her motor, or if she is walking, until she has reached the

rds, the door may be close

y Of The Hou

the maid says "This way, please," and leads the way. She goes as quickly as possible to present the card tr

ith the hostess. If a butler is at the door, he reads the card himself, picking it up from the tray, and op

nounced, the first one-on a very formal occasion-may cut her visit shorter. Or if conversation becomes espec

or unless she is seated behind the tea-table so that rising is difficult. She should, however, always rise and go forwa

door leads the visitor into the reception room, saying "Will you take

es not take off his coat or gloves, but waits in the reception room with his hat in his hand. When the servant returning says either "Will you come this way, please?" or "Mrs. Town is not w

et away from his office in time, will make a tea-time visit upon a hostess who has often invited him to dinner or to her opera box. Under ordi

tably at her tea-table, in the library, to which, if he is at all well known to the servant at the door, he is at once shown without being first asked to wait in the reception room. A gentleman entering a room in which there are several people who are strang

ter A Dra

Quite probably where the expression "in the swim" came from anyway!) Before actually entering a room, it is easiest to pause long enough to see where the hostess is. Never start forward and then try to find her as an afterthought. The place to pause is on the threshold-not half-way in the room. The way not to enter a drawing-room is to dart forward and then stand awkwardly bewildered and looking about in every direction. A man of the world stops at the entranc

Sit Gra

ees, held her hands on her hips, or twisted herself sideways, or even leaned back in her chair! To-day all these things are done; and the only etiquette left is on the subject of how not to exaggerate them. No lady should cross her knees so that her skirts go up to or above them; neither should her foot be thrust out so that her toes are at knee level. An arm a-kimbo is not a graceful attitude, no

t must not be thrust forward so as to leave a space between the heel and her other ankle. On informal occasions she can lean back in an easy chair with her hands on the arms. In a ball dress a lady of distinction never leans

nter of his chair; but unless it is a deep lounging one, he alwa

ipts On

ng girl can very properly go with her fiancé to return visit paid to her by members or friends of his family

eave your card as though she were not at home. If she happens to be in the hall,

ver, fidget and talk about leaving. Sit down as though your leaving immediate

e him. If she continually asks to be excused, or shows him scant attention when he is talkin

e out another with whom you are also talking. You should wait for

kiss each other when they meet

he habit of patting, nudging or taking hold of people. "Keep your hands to yourself

urrying off," or "I am afraid I have bored you to death talking so much." All such expressions are self-cons

d's Visit

the house, it is correct for a daughter or sister or even a friend to leave the invalid's card for her and even to pay a visit should she find a hostess "at home." In this event the visitor by proxy lays her own card as well as that of the i

given a dinner has his mother (or sister) staying with him and if the moth

p your hostess standing while you say good-

r dinner calls within twenty-four hours; but it

s correct for his wife to pay the party call with (or for) him, since it i

t company rang her door-bell. A lady of fashion to-day receives her visitors at once in what