Three Men in a Boat

HELP. - CONTRARINESS OFTEA-KETTLES, HOW TO OVER

EIGHBOURHOOD OFSOUTH PACIFIC OCEAN PREFERRED. - FUNNY TH

nes, and wehad taken the boat from there, and it seemed that we were dragging fiftytons after us, and were walking forty miles. It w

, somehow, we did not feel that we yearned for thepicturesque nearly so much now as we had earlier in the day. A bit ofwater between a coal-barge and a gas-works would have quite satisfied usfor that night. We did not want scene

said no; that we had better get thecanvas up first, before it got quite dark, and while we could see wha

e abstract. You took five iron arches,like gigantic croquet hoops, and fitted them up over the boat, an

s an unde

that any of us are alive to tell the tale. Theywere not hoops, they were demons. First they would not fit into theirsockets at all, and we had to jump on them, and kick

er and drown us. They had hinges in the middle,and, when we were not looking, they nipped us with these hinges indelicate parts of the body; and, while we were wre

d one endover the nose of the boat. Harris stood in the middle to take it fromGeorge and roll it on to me, and I kept by the stern

etely rolled up in it. He wasso firmly wrapped round and tucked in and folded over, that he could notget out. He, of course, made frantic struggles for freedom - thebirthright of ev

s, and waittill the canvas came to me, and Montmorency and I stood there and waited,both as good as gold. We could see the canva

guessed that they were finding the job rather troublesome, and concludedt

ore and moreinvolved, until, at last, George's head cam

t s

see we are both being suffocated, you dummy!"I never could withstand an appeal for help, so

the decks, and got out supper. We put the kettleon to boil, up in the nose of the boat, and went

up the river. If it seesthat you are waiting

ing to haveany tea at all. You must not even look round at it. T

aveany. You get near the kettle, so that it can overhear you, and then youshout out, "I don't want any tea; do you, George?" to which George sho

as that, by thetime everything else was ready, the tea was w

ted that

e clank of cutlery and crockery, and thesteady grinding of four sets of molars. At the end of five-and-thi

rency gave thefirst sign of contentment he had exhibited since we had started, androlled over on his side, and spread his legs ou

ple who have tried it, tell me that a clearconscience makes you very happy and contented; b

fter a substantial and well-digestedmea

ntellect by our digestiveorgans. We cannot wor

efsteak and porter, it says, "Sleep!" After a cupof tea (two spoonsful for each cup, and don't

s eye, unlit by any ray of fancy,or of hope, or fear, or love, or life." And after brandy, taken insufficient quantity, it says, "Now, come, fool, grin and tumble, thatyour fellow-men may laugh - drivel in folly, and splutter in senselesssounds, and show what a helpless ninny is poor man whose wit and will aredrowned, like kittens, side by side, in half an inch of alcoh

yand ill-tempered; after our supper, we sat and beamed on one another,

upper, George would have expressed wishes and desires concerningHarris's fa

e had to move about at all within ten yards of where George was sitting,suggesting that George never ought to come into an ordinary sized boatwith feet that length, and advising him to hang them ov

ite pretty

sat, looking out on the

r, peaceful lives, and doinggood. I said it was the sort of thing I had often longed for myself; andwe discussed t

s, as far as he had heard,was that they were so d

nce. He said his father wastravelling with another fellow through Wales, and, one night, theystopped at a litt

ey (this was when George's father was a very youngman) were slightly jolly, too. They (Georg

o bed in the dark. This they did; but, instead of gettinginto separate beds, as they thought they were doing, they both climbedinto the same one without k

or a moment, and then

Tom?" replied Joe's voice

w.""Well, it's an extraordinary thing, Tom," answered the other; "but I'mblest if t

ng to chuck him

id George's fat

ed by two heavy bumps on the floor,

ruth, my man's chucked me out.""So's mine! I say, I don't think muc

eorge. "Why?""Ah, no, then it i

ou mean?" qu

nd I thought I should sleep well, beingtired; but I didn't. As a rule, I undress and put my head on the pillow,and then somebody bangs at the door, and says it is half-past eight: but,to-night, everything seemed against me; the novel

that I hadswallowed a sovereign, and that they were cutting a hole in my back witha gimlet, so as to try and get it out. I thought it very unkind of them,and I told them I would owe them the money, and they should have it atthe end of the month. But they would not h

the cool night-air. I slipped on what clothes I could find about -some of my ow

s if, in the silence and the hush,while we her children slept, they were talking with her, their sister

dim-lit temple of the god theyhave been taught to worship but know not; and, standing where the echoingdome spans

ve been so full of evil and ofbitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. ThenNight, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon ourfevered head, and

cannot ease our aching; she takes ourhand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far awaybeneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into amig

look upon thatwondrous light; and they, when they retu

ed briars grewvery thick and strong, and tore the flesh of them that lost their waytherein. And the leaves of the trees that

missing his comrades, wandered far away, and returned to them no more;a

sat in cheerful ease around the logs that burned in the greathall, and drank a loving measure, there came the comrade they had lost,and greeted the

ldthem how in the dark wood he had lost his way, and had wandered many

upon the darkness of thewood there dawned a light such as the light of day was unto but as alittle lamp unto the sun; and, in that wondrous light, our way-wornknight saw as in a dream a vis

round, thankedthe good saint who into that sad wood had str

rrow; but of the vision that thegood kni