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How to Accidentally start a Cult

Chapter 3 3.Chapter 3: Enlightenment Now Comes in a Reusable Tote Bag

Word Count: 919    |    Released on: 11/07/2025

nment Now Comes in

had escalated to alarming le

or stormed into the living room holding a

ade mer

into a couch cushion, grunted. "Th

tote bag around with dramatic fla

Would Nate F

e job. Hug a s

-specifically the frame where he was mid-snee

Nate mumbled, still

k it's symbolic. Like, the sneeze r

lergies," Nate gr

ation page to fund a 'Flanderian He

sounds

e. "They've already rai

sounds

sticks as long as baseball bats lined the street like a very confused Renai

blinds, someone spotted h

rupted in s

apping. Like they were congratul

even pick my own toothpaste brand.

k. "You didn't choose leader

like a frid

amed. "Th

Day – The P

e a donut shop and smelled like ambit

surrounded by ring lights and audio gear that looked w

sliding a confession booth window open. "Tod

ver in a wizard robe an

icked record.

"UNFILTERED: With Lan

Prophet: Flanderism and

Flanders. Barista-turned-inter

There's a smell in this room that reminds me

.' 'Jobs are a scam invented by jealous ghosts.' What do

l quote last week was, 'Drink more water or become dust.' I

it's all

stickers and matching robes. I don't kno

Keep leading? Or expose the

? I was hoping

tally onto something. People don't want truth. They want certainty. And you g

It was suppose

movements st

Assembly of Mildl

down at a crowd of nearly 200 people who had gathered

d as an emotional backflip to the sound of ambient whale noises. Someone else w

e a microphone. "

r w

guida

ave

Then make it up. Y

forward. The

ard, raised th

llow vibers. Enlight

erupted in

ven if that something was me slipping on a mat in a dog rob

front wept into a

don't have to have it all figured out to be moving forward.

rous a

e on your thighs. Please. T

People hugged, traded smoothie recipes, and shouted phr

ouch and stared at the ce

ou're a movement now, bro. You

know how to sp

uld mak

..Yeah. Yeah, I

F CHA

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