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How to Accidentally start a Cult

Chapter 2 2.Chapter 2: Please Stop Following Me

Word Count: 814    |    Released on: 11/07/2025

p Following Me (Unles

ions the next morning:Stop wea

or the forese

ow to stop a cu

ons were ignored

ople chanting "Hustle is holy! Hustle is holy!" while holding u

uy wore a sandwich board that simp

asked, still in his pajama pants an

rded woman gasp

ked. "Oka

d it again just to say, "Serio

the kitchen counter, meditating over a ce

eady?" Trevor asked

Trevor. I'm not r

ro. You've ignited the fla

tchup counts as a vegetable. I

llow with a spoon, and muttered, "Yo

st a reasonable distraction-Nat

a cult accidentall

uora post titled "Lol,

nto a glowing sun with the caption "THE RADIANT RISE OF FLANDER

than F

We Need

i

ssFit. I've been watching your rise... and I'm pretty sure this is either a

, I want a

ffeehouse. Noon. Don't

La

the window, where someone was now se

t, "a podcast person w

milk?" Trevor replied.

ffeehouse –

ng a triple espresso and looking unim

she said with

to give me a chicken in exchang

p now. "Did

..

uld've been a kil

r energy Lana was radiating. She was sharp-eyed, sharp-voiced, and somehow managed to

esso. "I thought you were a meme. Or a scammer. O

technically

,000 followers, two online forums dedicated to your 'teachings,' and

mentioned

in the vibe and the vi

h. Da

uestion, Nate. Are you pretending to be a

e. I'm not qualified to lead a gro

y're lis

st my

its own shoelaces. "Then you better figure out your

let around to sh

ared in

ozens of people sitting on yoga mats, meditating to looped

just disappear,

ugging a lukewarm pizza and staring

he was being treated like a prophet with a fan club and homemade sh

ye

s, buried under sarcasm an

mall, very loud-was

just wen

F CHA

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1 Chapter 1 1.Chapter 1: The Rant That Started It All2 Chapter 2 2.Chapter 2: Please Stop Following Me3 Chapter 3 3.Chapter 3: Enlightenment Now Comes in a Reusable Tote Bag4 Chapter 4 4.Chapter 4: The Gospel According to Snacks5 Chapter 5 5.Chapter 5: Enlightenment Has a VIP Section Now6 Chapter 6 6.Chapter 6: No One Asked For A Strategic Enlightenment Plan7 Chapter 7 7.Chapter 7: We're Just Joking, Unless We're Not8 Chapter 8 8.Chapter 8: How to Dismantle a Cult in Ten Easy Lies9 Chapter 9 9.Chapter 9: You Can Quit the Cult, But the Cult Might Not Quit You10 Chapter 10 10.Chapter 10: The Memoir Manifestation11 Chapter 11 11.Chapter 11:The Sacred Sandwich of Spirituality12 Chapter 12 12.Chapter 12: Federal Agents and Flaxseed Nightmares13 Chapter 13 13.Chapter 13: The Sermon on the Mount... ing Pressure14 Chapter 14 14.Chapter 14: The Flanderian Games15 Chapter 15 15.Chapter 15: You're Gonna Want to Sit Down For This16 Chapter 16 16.Chapter 16: The Branding Meeting17 Chapter 17 17.Chapter 17: Government Agents, Goats Permits, and Flanderian Fashion Week18 Chapter 18 18.Chapter18: Nate-Day, Prophecies, and a Surprise fron the A-List19 Chapter 19 19.Chapter 19: Rival Cults, Hammock Trials, and Uncle Doug20 Chapter 20 20.Chapter 20: Of Paperwork, Doppelgängers21 Chapter 21 21.Chapter 21: The Holy Hangover22 Chapter 22 22.Chapter 22: How To Fake a Mi23 Chapter 23 23.Chapter 23: The Celebrity Conversion Crises24 Chapter 24 24.Chapter 24: The United Nations of Glo25 Chapter 25 25.Chapter 25: We Regret to Inform You, the Moon is Booked