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How to Accidentally start a Cult

How to Accidentally start a Cult

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Chapter 1 1.Chapter 1: The Rant That Started It All

Word Count: 668    |    Released on: 09/07/2025

e Rant That S

h about "vibrational hustle alignment" would go vir

iend's dog, repurposed into a makeshift outfit for Magic & Muffins Mondays, a forgotten side hustle th

coln Park, waving a coffee-stained wand and preaching nonsense to a group o

tioned to believe you're ordinary! But you're not. You're a goddamn spiritual Roomba! You absorb

sion. A pigeon landed on Nate's shoulder, looked h

dn't

tle. Hustle is not something you do-it's something you

odie guy wept

spitting facts," right as Nate tripped over a yoga mat and land

that, the un

ideo got

mixed it with

ared him "The

lion views, two fan art tributes, and a disturbing number o

d three weeks ago after an incident involving expired lasagna, a raccoon, and one unfortunate smoke alarm

essages.Mom: "Nathan, are you leading a cul

have the robe back?

ave 47,000 followers

ed at the screen like it h

opened I

scre

now on mugs, T-shirts, and a neon poster

ne had erected a cardboard shrine. There were candle

ake the

clutching a lukewarm Pop-Tart, "I think I

claimed to be allergic to clouds, just nodded. "Yeah, bro. I felt your

ga mat and got

, with alarming sincer

e in his hands. "Th

ither fight it...

new follower co

prophet of the future vibes" offere

location with the words: "Enligh

er-showered, and wearing a dog ro

idea how t

wo

m... didn'

F CHA

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1 Chapter 1 1.Chapter 1: The Rant That Started It All2 Chapter 2 2.Chapter 2: Please Stop Following Me3 Chapter 3 3.Chapter 3: Enlightenment Now Comes in a Reusable Tote Bag4 Chapter 4 4.Chapter 4: The Gospel According to Snacks5 Chapter 5 5.Chapter 5: Enlightenment Has a VIP Section Now6 Chapter 6 6.Chapter 6: No One Asked For A Strategic Enlightenment Plan7 Chapter 7 7.Chapter 7: We're Just Joking, Unless We're Not8 Chapter 8 8.Chapter 8: How to Dismantle a Cult in Ten Easy Lies9 Chapter 9 9.Chapter 9: You Can Quit the Cult, But the Cult Might Not Quit You10 Chapter 10 10.Chapter 10: The Memoir Manifestation11 Chapter 11 11.Chapter 11:The Sacred Sandwich of Spirituality12 Chapter 12 12.Chapter 12: Federal Agents and Flaxseed Nightmares13 Chapter 13 13.Chapter 13: The Sermon on the Mount... ing Pressure14 Chapter 14 14.Chapter 14: The Flanderian Games15 Chapter 15 15.Chapter 15: You're Gonna Want to Sit Down For This16 Chapter 16 16.Chapter 16: The Branding Meeting17 Chapter 17 17.Chapter 17: Government Agents, Goats Permits, and Flanderian Fashion Week18 Chapter 18 18.Chapter18: Nate-Day, Prophecies, and a Surprise fron the A-List19 Chapter 19 19.Chapter 19: Rival Cults, Hammock Trials, and Uncle Doug20 Chapter 20 20.Chapter 20: Of Paperwork, Doppelgängers21 Chapter 21 21.Chapter 21: The Holy Hangover22 Chapter 22 22.Chapter 22: How To Fake a Mi23 Chapter 23 23.Chapter 23: The Celebrity Conversion Crises24 Chapter 24 24.Chapter 24: The United Nations of Glo25 Chapter 25 25.Chapter 25: We Regret to Inform You, the Moon is Booked