Diary Of A Depressed Virgin

reen of the television, my thoughts circling back to moments I had buried beneath the chaos of everyday life. Jess was upstai

uestion haunted me, and the answers felt just out of reach. I

e time, engrossed in Francis's playful banter about our sex lives. Joking about who lasts longer in bed. But later, Patricia

icated," Je

t off when she relayed the c

ll Patricia these t

're grown women. It

nd Jess could comfortably have sex. She bled on the first day. Not the typical first time

t deeper frustrations? Our first few days of intimacy had been anything but smooth. There had been moments of confusion, even embarrassment, as we tried to navigate the new terr

h like everything else about parenthood. Jess's groan of pain had jolted me awak

sped, "I thin

s's groans had turned into screams, and I was fumbling to gather her hospital bag. The ride to the

ncis had said, his voice

oo-ha, hoo

d snapped, her voi

d her worry. Jane, Jess's sister, showed up shortly after, her demeanor markedly different. Where my mother hovered, offering prayers and

ked Jane, unable to keep the

She's busy. She

n't my place to judge. Still, as I watched Jess clutch my mother's hand through another contraction, I could

nurse finally placed our daughter in Jess's arms, I thought I saw a flicker of joy in her eyes. But even

felt abandoned by her family in those critical hours? Had the chaos of childbirth-the fear, the p

ur baby. But among all the smiles and cheers was the melancholic expression of Jess. No joy in her eyes, no light. Back then I thought she was

aughter's day. We'r

esence in our home after the baby's birth might have added to Jess's st

e sure you're eating enough to keep your milk flowing." Her intentions were g

ital, her half-hearted attempts to engage when she visited, Did Jes

t? Jess had always been strong, capable, the kind of person who could handle anything. But maybe I'

he full extent of my helplessness. I couldn't go back and change the past

sk more, be more. Because whatever Jess was feeling, what

uld spend every moment I h

's. I go over to pick it up. It's a random number. Who could this be

y B