The Innocents Abroad

A cloudless sky; a refreshing summer wind; a radiant sunshine that glinted cheerily from dancing wavelets instead of crested mountains of water; a s

ailed away from Gibraltar, that hard-featured rock was swimming in a creamy mist so rich, so soft, so enchantingly vague and dr

I consider that them effects is on account of the superior refragability, as you may say, of the sun

" Dan said that

ent which another man can't answer. Dan don't never stand any chance in

nd me with that dictionary bosh. I don't do

Oracle, as they say, but the old man's most too many for 'em.

ith a barbarous rh

ullest slush about that old rock and give it to a consul, or a pilot, or a nigger, or anybody he comes across first which he can impose on. Pity but somebody'd take that poor old lunatic and dig al

tanding the luxuriance of your syllables, when the philosophy you offer rests on your own responsibility; but when you begin t

use propositions framed in language that no man could understand, and they endured the exquisite torture a minute or two and then abandoned the field. A triumph like this, o

rate portions of the ship below, and in a short time the vessel assumed a holiday appearance. During the morning, meetings were held and all manner of committees set to work on the celebration ceremonies. In the afternoon the ship's company assembled aft, on de

n without paying any attention to what it said; and after that the President piped the Orator of the Day to quarters and he made that same old speech about our national greatness which we so religiously believe and so fervently applaud. Now came the choir into court again, with the complaining instruments, and as

gular toasts were washed down with several baskets of champagne. The speeches were bad-execrable almost without exception. In

green old age and be prosperous and happy. S

ded as a ver

enade deck. We were not used to dancing on an even keel, though, and it was only a ques

dying sunlight gild its clustering spires and ramparts, and flood its leagues of environing verdure with a mellow radiance th

was at our companion ladder and its bow touched the pier. We got in and the fellow backed out into the harbor. I told him in French that all we wanted was to walk over his thwarts and step ashore, and asked him what he went away out there for. He said he could not

you old fool-that's

gner in English-that he had better let us conduct this business in the

ere. Only, if you go on telling him in your kind of French, he never

never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudic

o the douain. Means he is going to the hotel. O

uilding on a stone pier. It was easy to remember then that the douain was the customhouse and not the hotel. We did not mention it, however. With winning French politeness the officers merely open

aid: "Avez-v

doctor said again, with elabora

vous d

ore perplexed tha

somewhere. Let me try her. Madame, avez-vous du

rre-des oeufs-du boeuf-horseradish, sauerkraut, hog and hominy-a

sa

English before? I don't know an

worded French signs-stared at by strangely habited, bearded French people-everything gradually and surely forcing upon us the coveted consciousness that at last, and beyond all question, we were in beautiful France and absorbing its nature to the forgetfu

anted, and neither did we ever succeed in comprehending just exactly what they said in reply, but then they always pointed-they always did that-and we bowed po

that pir

ich way to go to fi

what did

understood him. These are educated

on that goes some where-for we've been going around in a circle

d not do to pass that drugstore again, though-we might go on asking directions, but we must ceas

d to get there, and a great deal of information of similar importance-all for the benefit of the landlord and the secret police. We hired a guide and began the business of sightseeing immediately. That first night on French soil was a stirring one. I cannot think of half the places we went to or what we particularly saw; we had no disposition to examine carefully into anything at all-we only wanted to glance and go-to move, keep moving! The spirit of the country was upon us. We sat down, finally, at a late hour, in the great Casino, and called for unstinted champagne. It is so easy to be bloated aristocrats where it costs nothing of consequence! There were about five hundred people in that dazzling place, I suppose, though the walls being papered entirely with