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Michael

Chapter 8 8

Word Count: 8110    |    Released on: 28/11/2017

ristmas visit to Ashbridge, Sylvia and her brother were lingering in the big

d since, for some reason, a series of charades had been spontaneously generated, there was lying about an astonishing collection of pillow-cases, rugs, and table-cloths, and such articles of domestic and household use as could be converted into clothes for this purpose. But the event of the evening had undoubtedly been H

nd he would hardly believe that they were an Opus I., or that Michael had not been studying music

words and long silences, on which intimacy lives; and they both enjoyed, above all hours in the week, this time that lay between the friendly riot of Sunday evening and the starting of work again on Monday. There was between them that bond which can scarcely exist between husband and wife, since it almost necessarily implies the close consanguinity of brother and sist

ject of Michael's maturity. Instead she just ra

nn," she said. "Thanks; now I'm completely

d at the fir

ead of being dwarfed he has just gone on growing inside. Good Lord! I wish somebody would suppress me for a year

his knowledge of her inarticulate e

mean we don't

s. By the way, I fell madly in love with that cousin of Michael's who came with him to-night. He's the most att

ed Hermann. "Mike will probabl

eet a little farth

?" she

r mind was occupied with exa

aid. "Quite serious. Do you

a littl

-we became Sylvia and Aunt Barbara an hour or two ago, and she'

did Aunt B

ly, that I had better make up my mind what I mea

he stood in front of the fire, and pulled his t

ike Michael; I believe I like him as much as I possibly can. But I don't know if that is enou

vered them she could never have got the sense of support that this physical contact gave her; had there not been her sisterhood to chaperon her, so to speak, she could never have been so at ease with a man. The two were lover-like, with

calf of his leg made Hermann step out of her encircl

be burned. It seems to me, Sylvia, that you ough

The idea of what I 'ought' doesn't come in. I like h

own on the floor by her. She raised herself a li

trouble, Syl

ve been tryin

en. You're definite e

gave a little m

s me when I'm singing, without the slightest effort, and even you, as you have so often told me, have to search and be on the lookout. And then the song is over, and, as somebody says, 'When the feast is finished and the lamps expire,' then-well, the lamps expire, and he isn't me any longer, but Michael, with the-th

th hands was very carefully tying an

"And I know this, too-and follow me here, Hermann-I know that all that doesn't really matter; I am sure it doesn't. I like Mi

nn reached out for a cigarette, lit it,

y more than it is being a politician to read the morning papers and argue about the Irish question with you. To have a career in politics means that you must be a member of Parliament-I daresay the House of Lords would do-and make speeches and stand the racket. In the same way, to be a singer doesn't mean to sing after dinner or to go squawking anyhow in a workhouse, but it means to get

"but whether you did or not, there is noth

s shown very clearly by refusing to disobey it. He will certainly, as you say, insist on my endorsing the resolution he has made for himself. What it comes to is this, that I can't marry him without his father's complete consent to all that I have told you. I can't have my career disregarded, covered up with awkward silences, alluded to as a painful subject; and, as I say, even Au

his cigarette into the

id, "you have made up you

ook he

I had made up my mind not to I shouldn't h

t towards the embers alre

aid, pointing. "If there is the fire

t reply fo

he fire; when, as I said, he plays for me I know there is. But

g herself to her full height

r it's storm or sunshine I have no idea. But there will be someth

which it is

care," s

to her, and she pull

to say, then, when h

m he mus

n the roof. There was a curtain in front of this, which he pulled aside, and from th

f any man," he said. "

now they care, but, unless they are marrying for perfectly different reasons, they

pass out, and they walked up t

l bother will be saved, and we shall have sat up talking till-Syl

conside

ticks!"

s inclined to

gether over the fire that in the end Hermann found nothing to do but to leave them together. Sylvia had given him no sign as to whether she wished hi

things that she had told herself before did not really matter. Now her sensation contradicted that; she was conscious that the ash somehow had vastly accumulated over her fire, that a

ann was never g

m was Hermann's he might conceivably be conceded the right to stop there if he chose. There was no transition possible between the affai

, Michael?"

changed. There burned in it all of a sudden the fu

now,"

come for him to offer to her all that he had to offer, and

"I have just to tell you that I am entirely

shed in the mere solemnity of the occasion. His very quietness told her better than any protestations could have do

Michael," she

hout conscious intention, had put her hands on his shoulders. The moment that was d

expect you know how fond I am of you, and if you don't I ass

looked u

he said, "much

had not liked him at all; n

?" she asked. "Ho

for you," he said. "That is to say,

ly, without the tremor

at mean exact

mple. Do you w

till rested on his shoulders like

ose I want t

t you can do for me

career, of remaining the famous Miss Falbe, of refusing to take a dishonoured place in the sacred circle of the Combers. Now, when she was face to face with his love, so ineloquently expressed, so radically a part of him, she knew that there was nothing in the world, external to him and her, that could enter into

st I can do for you

ed away from her, so that

months," he said. "Now that you know what

abbed h

lied that?"

you. That would be a very stupid way of trying to make you care for me. As I said, that

She understood at least that she was dealing

ans about it. If you were a woman perhaps you would under

hael pe

ve taught me," he said.

natural thing was to go on as before, with the intimacy that she liked and the familiarity that was the obvious expression of it. But now she began to see the question from his side; she could not go on doing that which meant nothing particular to her, if that insouciance meant something so very particular to him. She realised that if she had loved him the touch of his hand, the proximity of his face would have had significance for her, a significance that would have been intolerable unless there was something mutual and secret between them. It had seemed so easy, in anticipation, to tell him that he must wait, so si

as we were, Mi

at her inc

course not t

a step t

any other way," she sai

t he should again have the touch of her hands on his shoulders, but another instinct stronger than tha

cause you don't understand. By all means let us be what they call excellent friends. But there are certain little things which seem nothing to you, and th

well enough f

," she

aused for

dge in two days. Give Hermann my love, and a jolly Christ

this; she saw its ju

then," sa

her imagining that their old relations could go on showed him how far she was from knowing what "to care" meant. At first without knowing it, but with a gradually increasing keenness of consciousness, he had become aware that this sisterly attitude of hers towards him had meant so infinitely much, because he had taken it to be the prelude to something more. Now he saw that it was, so to speak, a piece complete in itself. It bore no relation to what he had imagined it would lead into. No curtain went up when the prelude was over; the curtain remained inexorably hanging there

ith children's toys. The briskness of the day had flushed the colour into the faces of the passengers in the street, and the festive air of the imminent holiday was abroad. All this Michael noticed with a sense of detachment; what had happened had caused a veil to fall between himself and external things; it wa

inclined to

he hour that you named for lunch was half-past one. And I have a

med to matter

id. "I really quite forgot; I c

lunch?" asked Franc

'll be ready i

ed with a sudden spasm of envy on the handsome boy wh

or lunch. I attribute it to too much beer and bacon last night at your friend's house. I enjoyed i

largely

id. "It was quite a new light on your character. How di

at Falbe had played the Variations, and that they had ac

n't he play, too? And to think of your having written those ripping tunes. His sister, too-no wonder we haven't seen much of you, Mike, if that's where you've been spending your time. She's rather like the new g

ved away i

, Francis,"

ed himself o

asked. "Won't she t

eeled roun

lking about a lady, and not

t Francis t

only indulging in badinag

had happened; but he was aware of having spoken more stro

e better after lunch, as one's nurse used to s

oming; the family is going to rally round you, Mike, and defend you fro

siderable reli

rbara always make me feel that there's a good d

and dinner and amusement. Aunt Bar told me she dined with you the other night

a's always hinti

nothing to say about it. Tell me more about the Falbes, Mike. Will they let

s egoism that could n

e if you weren

then she starts with the tremendous advantage of being-of being a girl. I believe you are in love with her, Mike, just as

elt the need of sympathy of some kind. Francis might not be able to give him anything that was of any use, but it would do no harm to see if his cousin's buoyant unconscious philosophy

m in love with her. Furthermore, I

ainly had

cis. "And do you mean

me," said Michael

didn't she take yo

ciousness of his plainness, his awkwardness, h

ll enough if you look at me," he

Francis cheerfully. "I thought

this morning," said Michael. "If I had r

ected h

ve asked her, anyhow; but I should have been prepared

to the table, throwing

d. "It doesn't matter whe

as he is not," rem

of us awful hairy things, smelling of smoke and drink, is more than I can make out; but, as a matter of fact, they

one," sai

her once. You've got to make yourself felt.

dn't gi

old on. She likes

hout hesitation. "But that's a

the sam

el go

kes me it's round the corner. You

how near the corner really is. G

t h

n you are there, she may get to want you when you aren't. I don't think I should go on the mournful Byronic plan if I were you; I don't thi

uld not he

e, don't make a jo

ic, the best way to deal with it is to treat it like a comedy which is going to end well. It's only the second act now, you see, when everything gets

life was more intolerable than ever. He was clearly in disgrace still, as was made quite clear to him by his father's icy and awful politeness when it was necessary to speak to him, and by hi

n memory of Petsy I. But this did not seem to account for the wakening up of her mind and emotions into this state of depression and anxiety. It was as if all her life she had been quietly dozing in the sun, and that the place where she sat had passed into the shade, and she had awoke cold and shivering from a bitter wind. She had become far more talkative, and though she had by no means abandoned her habit of upsetting any conversation by the extreme obviousness of her remarks, she asked many more questions, and, as Michael noticed, often repeated a question to which she had

came in to have a little talk with you. But I won't come in if it would annoy you. I

intrusion of his mother's was a thing utterly unprecedented, and somehow he at once connected its innovation with the st

n, mother," he said. "I

e looked roun

y you if he sits quietly

ourse

ridge too

hem to see you had a good fire on this col

answered twice, now for the third time Mi

t cold, and so, I am sure, your father would be. I wish you could ma

's impossible, m

exed him very much. He is still vexed with you. I wish he was not vexed. It is a sad

Each separate thing that his mother said was se

"That is a long time to be in London. Tell me about yo

gh to keep me

ur life enough. I want to do so now. But I don't think you ever wanted to confide in me. It is sad when

king her dog's ears, whic

ther; I feel sure he does not notice it, and it would vex him. But I want you to be happy; you used not to be w

n considered together. She looked at Michael anxiously a moment, and then drew her cha

ather always made himself happy, and he liked being himself, but I suspect you haven't liked being yourself,

aw it; recognising it, as by divination, when, with ray serene and untroubled, it burst through the mists that seemed to hang about his mother's mind. Before, noticing her change of manner, her restless questions, he had been vaguely alarmed, and as they went on the alarm had become more pronounced; but at this moment, when there shone fo

that lay on his knee and

that I have begun to feel lonely, too. Nobody wants me; even Petsy, when she died, didn't want me to be near her, and then it began to strike me that perhaps you might want me. The

had they had been but childish efforts, easily repulsed. He had not troubled about it, and if she was to blame, the blame

le timidity, by the sincerity, vague b

down and kissing the thin white hands that he

a littl

ou should do that. But it is sweet of you to say that I am not to

alf

how can you a

let me just get my arms about you, and put my head on your shoulder, and hold

for a moment, pressing her cheek close to his

e. I am not quite alone any more. And now, if you are not tired will y

earer him, so that sitting t

e, Michael; you are old enough to get married. All Combers marry when they are twenty-five, don't they? Isn't there some girl you would like to be yo

Sylvia than to have discussed counterpoint with her. But then this morning he had not been

irl whom I can't d

ridge's f

she said. "You want her, you can't do wit

s mother's hand as i

re that she can do

as not dim

she said. "Girls so often don't. You must not be do

t friend, Hermann Falbe," he

e gladness f

that you should want to marry the sister of a music-teach

el la

father was German, her mother was a

c lessons. That does not sound good. Perhaps they are poor, and c

d of her; she is the Miss Falbe who made such a

were beginning to come to the surfac

terribly. Fancy the daughter of a Miss Tracy becoming a singe

t opened an inch or two, and Mi

with you, Mich

clung to her son, and then, disengaging herself,

id. "I was having a l

I com

et," she whisp

in, fathe

stood towering

, not unkindly, "it's ti

e the mask of

l come. Oh, there's Petsy. Will you ring, Michael? then Fe

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