Love Me Then Destroy Me

Point

mes withou

his time, I wake up slowly, floating up instead of crashing awake, and for a moment, I forget where I am. Then I smell antis

s worse when I move too quickly or think too hard. I lift my hand and look at it. The tube is stil

answer what I can and shake my head at what I can't. She doesn't push. She just nods and writes things down on her clipboard, looking calm and practiced

rt

with me even a

night seems bigger, like an object that has been taken away but still leaves its outline behin

er, the door opens

n goes

ooks different during the day. Not as much like a shadow. More real. His

s, Good

his voice

"Good

n't awkward, but it is careful. He l

sit? H

y, bringing the chair closer but not too close. He sits with h

, How do

answered, ti

s if he knew that would h

stomach feel tight because it seems familiar. Not rememberin

ry might come bac

he doctor told me

ore I can stop them. "

takes a deep breath and answers ca

y lie would have. I turn my head away and look at the windo

know." "And I'm not going to act like that doesn'

swer right away. He looks at his hands again after studying them. "Bec

ke that it

e accident? I ask, choo

He breathes out slowl

uddenly see

rri

my mind for any reaction, picture, or feeling that fits what he said.

ossible," but my voi

hat way, he says.

can't even read my own writing. I don't r

re married to someo

l uneasy. Right now, the w

ou said I ran into the st

and I can tell he's not sure. "

my tongue, but fear keeps it from comin

ly, "Do you w

ce makes me feel safer. Less complicated. But the thought o

lly say. "

't, he

machines' hum fills the space between us. Then

of s

ng onto a railing. A voice that was raised and sh

right away, leaning

oftly. "I saw somethin

ts tight. "It's fine." Yo

l, I say. "Like it

y. "But you don't have

raint hurts my chest more

k comes in. They ask more questions and talk about time, rest, and obs

oon has changed and is n

it I'm

his head.

dd, hating m

without saying anythi

how someone can be so close an

now who I

ll you." "Even if yo

pieces come back in little flashes. A bright kitchen. A laugh t

memories are mine or t

on't seem

is both scary