Wolf s Desire

Sometimes, and only sometimes, my brain feels like it is in another time frame, like it can receive frequencies from a world that is not before my eyes, a world with a very different time frame than this one. Fleeting flashes reach my eyes like the light from a camera flash and after that brief sensation fades I am back here again. Afraid of an uncertain future and the storm that is brewing for me and only me. After him. My imbecile ex...

_ I didn't mean for it to happen, Prudence. I swear!

"You didn't mean for it to happen! You didn't mean to put your-" My words crumble with my sobs. I can barely see Abraham's face through my tears. Tears that haven't stopped since I ran into my bedroom earlier today. Tears that have left my skin raw and tight. And every time I think I'm crying, the image of Abraham and her flashes inside my head and a new wave hits. I wipe my dripping nose against the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I'm way past the point of caring about how I look.

_ Who is she, anyway?

_Nobody important.

She wipes her tears away with the palm of her hand and then reaches up to my face, cupping my cheeks.

_ You are my whole life. You have always been my whole life. Always! Do you know that well? Tell me you know that!

I swallow against the sharp lump lodged in my throat, but it doesn't budge. I knew that. Until today.

_ So why do you break my heart?

His handsome face twitches as if I've slapped him. Something he wishes he had the courage to do.

_ You weren't supposed to find out. Oh my god!

_ Does that make it better?

_ No, that's not what I'm saying.

He hangs his head for a moment.

_ Look, we're getting married next year and then it'll be just you and me. It's been just you and me all these years. And, _ he swallows, hesitates, _this is something I've been thinking about. A lot lately.

_ About cheating on me?

_No! About, you know..._ He shudders. _Sex.

_ Is that what this is all about? Why didn't you tell me? I wish...

_ No, Prudence.

Abraham's face is suddenly stern.

_ You and I, we're doing it the right way by waiting until we're husband and wife. You're so innocent. So pure.

He leans forward, pressing his forehead against mine.