LOST IN YOUR GAZE

“I am an independent, strong, and brave woman. I am an independent, strong and brave woman. I am an independent, strong and brave woman”.

Standing naked in front of the huge full-length mirror in the bathroom, I repeated my new mantra to myself over and over again, stammering, as tears streamed down my face.

I had already showered, but the sound of the running water helped me calm down, the steam emitting from the water seemed soothing. Plus, my moaning was less audible.

The sudden knock on the bathroom door made me react with a little start.

“Yes, it's me”.

“Daughter, is it me? Are you all right?” I recognised my grandfather Chester's voice on the other side of the door. I tried to calm down, took a deep breath and cleared my throat.

“Yes... Yes, Abu, thank you” My grandfather's footsteps could be heard walking across the room. “Is something wrong?” I asked nervously, trying to sound natural.

“No, daughter, it's nothing serious, it's just that I was knocking several times on the door of your room and you didn't answer, I was surprised and that's why I dared to come in, excuse me” My grandfather spoke a little louder. I turned off the shower tap to hear him better.

“Ah, yes, Abu, I was in the shower and had some music on, that's why I didn't hear you” I lied to him, feeling guilty, I closed my eyes tightly. “What were you looking for me for?”

“Honey, I wanted to remind you that tonight is dinner with our new partners”.

«Dinner?!», I had completely forgotten, and precisely on that day, I was not in my best moment to have to face a bunch of businessmen who would surely discuss business, the future of their companies, their children, their grandchildren and make bad jokes.

I had always been honest with my grandfather, you could say we have a connection, a very special affection for each other, however, if I told him the truth about what was happening to me that night, the main reason I didn't want to attend the dinner, I was afraid I would end up disappointing him again and I didn't want to have to go through that again, at least not for the moment.

I had to miss that torture, in the state I was in, I couldn't take it. So, I had no choice, I had to lie to my grandfather Chester again.

“I'm sorry Abu, I forgot and I already made plans for tonight with...” I thought nervously and the first name that came to my mind came out. “Mike!” Frustrated, I slapped my forehead, «I couldn't pick someone else?!»

“Oh yes, good, can I know what your plans are?” He sounded very interested.

“Nothing important, a dinner” I made it up, I didn't want to feed his expectations.

“Of course! Now I remember, isn't this the week you're having your anniversary?” My grandfather continued to inquire from the other side of the door, while I mentally begged him to stop asking.

“Mmmm, yes”.

“I'm glad daughter, it's two years together... You know what? I bet he'll propose tonight” He commented animatedly.

That simple sentence was a dagger to my heart. I held on to the sink counter, took a deep breath to stop the tears from flowing again, swallowed hard to get rid of the lump forming again in my throat.