CAGED In the dark embrace of my Saviour

Lillian, Age 8

Gloomy... that was how I would describe the orphanage. For the three years I was there, lots had come and gone before me.

Ms. Margaret said that I was special, that I was still waiting for the special parents to arrive.

I was five years old when my father left me on the porch of the orphanage. His last words were that he was going to buy some bread. He told me to stay there so that I could rest my feet. He left me with my favorite teddy and backpack. He hugged me and told me to knock on the door when I get tired and he had not yet returned.

Well, he never did return and I had been at the orphanage because I was abandoned by my father. My mother died on me and he couldn't take care of me, since I apparently could see the dead.

"Dear Lillian according to the letter, your father has left you with us. He believed that he couldn't give you the best care without your mom who had recently passed away, because of her illness."

Ms. Margaret took me in that day, she feeds me and put me to sleep in a warm bed. Explaining to me that she would take care of me like she takes care of the other children there.

He leaves me behind.

I finally cried myself to sleep that night.

"On one special day Lillian, you and other children in this orphanage will be adopted by a special family. And you will have a new mother and father, and you will live happily ever after."

That was three years ago. I guessed my special day hasn't arrived.

It was Sunday morning when Ms. Margaret and her colleagues gathered us in the main hall for potential parents to visit and introductory. I counted two sets of parents looking at us, I stayed in the background, to bite back my would be disappointment for not being picked.

There were another two behind me, I could smell her perfume. It smelled nice. She smelled like summer flowers. They were sorry for being late, she touched my shoulder and gently excuse her self to join Ms. Margaret and the rest of the group.

I was at my usual nook by the window drawing my life away, when suddenly one of the girls fell and slipped in front of me. She was embarrassed and accused me that I had made her fall.

I knew her, she had several times had it in for me. So I just shrugged, and never minded her. But that made her even more upset and pulled my hair, she made me fall from my nook. I was crying but I didn't fight back, I never fight back. Not since my father abandoned me. I had nothing to fight back for.

I was never close with the other children. Maybe because I would wake up at night, screaming with nightmares, and sometimes I would stare at a wall for the longest time.

I sleepwalk at night, I would get up and leave the room, and just stand in front of the wall for hours. I would pound my head against the cupboard while sleeping, making other kids woke up screaming. Until later on, I was put in my own room away from other children at night, just to keep the peace. That room was situated at the end of the hall.