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Chapter 1 one

obvious, knowing what day it is. - Ah, the dog's humor. Typical. Come on, Mau, don't go home and get drunk alone. I'm leaving the company now and I've already told Luana that I won't arrive early today because I would take you somewhere. - Go back to your wife. You won't gain anything by keeping me company tonight. - I am going yes. My little place in heaven. - My cousin knew how to be a pain in the ass when he wanted to be. - I'm going to that bar we used to go to; the one in Copa, facing the beach. This is what you need. - I need to sleep. I've worked so much.

- You can sleep tomorrow, it's a holiday. If you don't show up there, I'll release a very false press release about you. - My cousin was a journalist. Like me, he had switched careers out of sheer convenience, but he still had his contacts. I knew he wouldn't actually do it. He had blackmailed me like that a thousand times before, but that night there was something different. I didn't want to go home. Even though I no longer lived in the same place where I lived with Isis when she died, there was still a piece of her in every thing I owned. Every thing I achieved, every dream I achieved. - Bad, do you think Isis would be happy seeing you like this? The way she loved you? She would want you to move on, to live your life, to meet someone else. It's not fair to her memory for her to be buried like this. It wasn't the first time Fernando had made a speech like that, but, somehow, it had a little more effect. I stopped in the same place I was, freezing my steps and looking over my shoulder, in the direction of her grave. Five years. I would never forget her, but maybe it was time to dig myself out too. - Okay, Nando. I'll meet you at the bar. My cousin celebrated on the other end of the line, but I wasn't as excited. It would be a process, of course. Go out, have a few drinks, see people, listen to some music. I didn't feel ready yet, but I could try. I could try... CHAPTER ONE FOUR MONTHS LATER I had popcorn in my hair. Popcorn! How far had I reached? How many days had it been since I was lying on that couch, finishing the entire Netflix catalog and eating an insane amount of junk food? Two? Three? My God... I lost count. How pathetic! Soon I, who always swore I would never end myself because of a man, was there, suffering for the biggest asshole that could have come into my life. And the worst part was that I didn't even like him that much. I was so depressed by the way things turned out. For the reason for the termination. It wasn't the first time. Being cheated on wasn't exactly a bed of roses. Much less when the partner in question claimed the worst possible justification: I was a twenty-three year old virgin, I just asked for time to get to know each other better. For God's sake... what are we dating for? Two weeks? I just wanted to feel safer. And this was purely and simply to do with chemistry. Maybe I was an incorrigible romantic, who wanted to hear bells and sigh with breathtaking kisses. I wanted a guy who would throw me off track and make me weak in the knees. Was it too much to ask? Probably yes. But I wanted to at least try. I knew that first times can be painful and uncomfortable, and allowing it to happen with someone who didn't even make me excited about the idea seemed stupid to me. As if wanting to torture me, the movie I left playing on Netflix, a romance movie, of course, started a very hot sex scene, where the guy seemed to know exactly what he was doing, leaving the girl completely off track. - It saw? That's what I was talking about! - I commented without even thinking, alone, looking like the crazy person I really should be. -What about that, woman? - Alessandra, my best friend and roommate, appeared in the living room, after waking up, and, when she saw me, her black eyes opened wide. I must be worse off than I imagined. - Did a hurricane hit here, and I didn't see it?

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