Fiftieth Birthday

le

ind wandering, unable to put a cogent argument together about why Michael should not divorce her. For a week she had been attempting, without success, to make notes or bring some semblance of order to her jumbled thoughts. Each time she sat down and was forced to concen

covery. She found it about three weeks after Michael had disappeared when she had to get some documents from their floor safe. As

s Michael's ring

had thought he was out of town... in his messages he told her he was in DC! He had been in the house and she had not known it. She had shaken with fear at the thought it was when she had

noticed? Had he packed? Had

ing did more damage to her fragile state of mind than had Teri and all the photos and recordings. It mos

r mother prostrate and sobbing in the

a heavy gold chain and never took it off. Dr. Claudia Chambers, her psychiatrist, said that perhaps it also act

forties who ascribed to the "Dr. Laura" version of psy

chael had been the constant in her life — the only man she ever loved — loved from the moment she saw him. She missed him eve

Liz had grown to be strong independent young women, not because of Helene, but despite her, and that was due to Michael. He was always the one who made time for school plays and sports and teacher conferences, and bedtime stories, while Helene was off trying some high-profile case. She was happy e

ith her and tried to help her — because they learned

ichael be able

can Helene forgive Hel

awhile. "I don't

hy

the love of my life and everything we've built together...

bout how you must have made Michael feel... why to yo

alone? The idea of growing old alone always frightened her. Helene's mother had died of cancer when she was thirteen. Her father was never the same and died shortly after Helene and Michael were married. When she found Michael

dn't imagine life without Michael. She could barely stand to visit him in the hospital while he was unconscious because of her fea

a couple of hours to pull herself together. She knew that Teri thought she was too busy and selfish to hurry to Michael's side, but she was det

gain. This time it was as if she h

st had rattled

lways about

ha

ars that Michael might not forgive you and

t under

never talk about how he must feel. Unfortunately he didn't stay around long e

ons shook he

isputed fact of Michael's love and support that she abused that love. She could partake in r

evidence, suddenly didn't need evidence of Michael's affair. Wh

into an affair regardless... but convincing yourself

right. Somehow she

t man who picked up on the unmistakable signs

dy's man and Helene found his attention flattering. She decided a bit of harmless flirtation was

her dress. His attention and the feel of his hard cock against her made her crazy. Brian wanted her. There was no love; Brian just wanted her body — her 45 year old body. She was so i

wearing a sheer black bra, matching tiny silk panties, sheer stockings and very high-heeled pumps. Brian was not as big as Michael but he got her off again and again with his constant demands on her body. She felt young and desired. And for awhile she also enjoyed the excitement of the affair and that helped the sexual release. Sometimes she wished Michael was around more during that time. She wanted him to see her freshly fucked glow and perhap

bers ask

band have to be rebuffed b

band have to be rebuffed

never spectacular after the first few times, and she knew there was no future with him so she decided

y did you conti

Plus, Brian was there and always after her for sex. She admitted that she basked in the attention from this handsome younger man. He p

ew Michael loved to see her dressed or undre

hs of therapy Dr. Cham

you haven't told me the real reason why you tried to destroy your marriage to a man you say is

erriding reason. I just made a horrible st

ly, and other than the fact her has been gone for extended periods the last co

thi

ve you had ot

How could yo

re. Eliminating

any other reason except my

about

. we have more mo

you a

... n

ney works in yo

ha

it? Who spen

ht. I pay the bills and manage the accounts and keep an eye on the investm

makes th

el...

as that bee

d about equal income. Actually for the first five years in San Francisco I was the primary bread winne

now is what..

nd this year... oh I don't know... with the Charos me

ou feel a

py for h

rifled thro

started to lose your interest in sex and became... in your wor

w. I want him t

yo

. of c

sn't come with a handbook. Marriage i

ack while seated in the comfortable arm chair Dr. Cha

Pharmaceuticals merger began. Michael was so excited and he said the potential for us and the firm was staggering. Frankly, I resented it... I resented his success. I admit I was jealous... jealous of h

in fact had begun to resent his absences and you somehow think you're the harder w

at the floor. "How could I do

tell me about Teri and Cassie a

ise some of the demons that haunted her but

p trying to write and thought about what she would say. She had wanted to take one of the strong seda

rs been so stingy

o beg for forgiveness and ask him to take her back. She would promise to always be faithful an

d more than likely would have demanded a divorce. But hadn't she been willing to overlook the affair she thought he was having so they could go on the trip together and start over? She was will

woman was the cause of their divorce. How ironic. "I was furious about a perceive

or the Michael she had failed to see. Her heart had fluttered and her knees were weak as they stood there on the sidewalk. When he had mentioned the farewell party at One Market her heart sank. She couldn't bear his absence again. How could she see him touch him convince him

he knew... knew that somehow on that day when she was talking on her phone to him while she was in the hallway of the Palace with Brian, Michael had known. That was why his "goodbye" had sounded so strange and distant. And then she couldn't get

I'm sorry"? Why not, "Please forgive me"? She was the high

van with its lights on drove into the parking lot. It came to a stop near the front of the bu

s she recognized

. why is

an across the seat and wrap her arms arou

as no

eemed an interminable time... T

e horror of that day. She fumbled in her purse and found the pills. With shaking hands she poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the side table, spilling water in her eagerness to feel the effects of the drugs. She stood there swaying, feeling like she h

rd his feet

eting

and long skirt and high heel boots, and carrying two Starbucks cups. She smiled at me as I came down the wide stone

feur take me to the meeting with Helene but somehow I knew I ha

, extra hot. I figured you wouldn't have muc

t on the roof of the van and then

ropped her cup, but ea

for?" she sai

utiful woman in San Francisco

at I had detected when she got out of the van disappeared. Her wh

how Cassie was doing back in school right after Christmas break

last couple of years, and I don't th

one. She looked back at the h

erns of behavior and for aberrant behavior. I probably knew there w

t you say

her than "She's fine" or something equally noncommittal. Michael, that's a red flag. Mostly I put it down to your incredibly busy schedule with the Charos merger. I figured that your absences were putting a strain on your marriage. Also sometimes during our weekly meetings about my background investigation of Charos and his famil

eral months ago and wanted you to check

Helene was too smart for that kind of behavior. A

w s

ociety

ha

was constantly dragging you to charity balls and other social eve

. never r

ainly don't read the society pages. It wouldn't surprise me if Hel

got to do with

those people have been or will be my clients... something about you and Helene... I couldn't put a fing

...

eared from

ha

l Helene continued to go to these e

k my head. "She n

g the center of attention and she was determin

at's with t

e's m

.. tel

ian Taylor started sho

bast

he firm of Williamson & Jenkins help the Junior League raise money"... or attended the opening of the opera representing Williamson an

What on earth was she trying to p

ay

ha

een an attention ploy. She hoped you would see the photos with Brian... or someone would

and biggest supporter. You love her without reservation. Th

that's

as well as anyone can and m

.. was an attention pl

... physical phase it was more then that. I don't kno

I'll jus

ed Teri the question and now I wished I hadn't. The whole discussion had rip

... we'r

her eyes glistened. Her deep blue cashmere sweater compl

aint smell of her perfume. I loved the spicy taste when I had first licked it from

was the first time I said

tween my neck and shoulder. I co

and I always will." I

f Johnson and Kemp. I touched the inside pocket of

erfectly, skirt, boots and dark green silk blouse, but her eyes were sunken and her features gaunt. She had been crying. There was a b

e you H

a few seconds as if

than others... How

l like Alice in Wonderland... my wor

just a bit a

I sat next to where she had been sitting. She had probably thought I would sit across the table from her. We had bee

n." I gestured to t

d, her short aubu

hurting. My natural reaction was to go to her and hold her and comfort her, but the days of comforting were over

away all that we ha

eet away and just looked at me. The sadne

mily. I loved you from the moment I saw you and... and..." Her voice faltered as she tri

ipe away the tears tha

lfishness... and vanity and jealously of your success... and... and..

.. would ever get... get... back together... is... is... ; impossibl

to end her distress, but the hollo

I got up and pulled her

ed in her hands, sobbing." I had never seen h

up and got her some water. Her gratitud

me this way. I wanted you to see the strong and c

nly her all of my adult life my job had been to keep her from harm and to help her in

d, she final

eded to hear from you about how you felt when... when... you... found...

nk you want

ichael. Important

ed anothe

moments my thoughts a ju

hell... a day about seven months ago... at the

.. tear filled ey

e to share that news with you. I hoped it would be a new beginning for us — we were free to go on that trip you planned...

mouth opening and closing like she wante

the Palace. You remember... I called you and... and while we were talking Brian came up an

d back as I ra

or

with a tissue as the

. didn

maybe do the same to you... but it was as if my soul had been shattered and then sucked from my body. At that mom

her hands and sobbed — no

you have confessed on the spot? — I think not. You're a litigator — you'd have

ou found

and touched it

know when you found my ring but I couldn't continue to wear i

flin

jacket and took out a worn and creased 5 by 7 photo, and put it on th

look at this

e, seeing the passio

I demanded in

e her eyes away and

zed it, her tears splashed onto

only thing I kept. I destroyed everything else... all the pictu

crin

sees the only woman he has ever loved being fucked b

mesmerized by the photo... certainly thinking

. because of the freshly fucked glow on your face and that little smile that I thought w

hfully loved for twenty-five years? I would look at it every day... but I finally realized I couldn't live with those feelings so I pushed them aside. It was the job with Global that really saved me — gave me something to do... something to occupy me fully..

e you? Will I

he photo her eyes stil

ay you love me... but the trust is gone and apparently the respect you had for me died along the way. The Charos merger I put together without you... without my life partner... maybe it was in spite of you because during that time... it was the worst part of out marriage. Do you remember?... I asked you to go with me to Europe the first two times I went. Y

ver cigar lighter given to me by McGregor and holding the photo by the corner lit it aflame and dropp

me, our knees almost touching. S

s now like that photo... only ash... never to b

o speak but I

lene? Does it give you an idea of how

y nodded

ask Megan and Liz to choose sides and I'll be seated next to you in a couple of weeks at Megan's wedding... but other than that, don't call me when you get lonely...

me. You've forgotten... or perhaps never realized that marriage is a full time commitment of two people... people who communicate. I need a wife who will a

for what seemed

She finally

few moments seeing t

ne... just

from th

settlement agreement so we

A singe tear streaked

the table and

I closed the door

Me

le

. The drugs calmed her. She covered her head with her arms trying to blot o

e'd wait and save them... no matter how bad she felt... and when she got the next refill she'd have enough. Maybe she'd take one or two to get through Megan's w