A Man's World

y advertised educational institutions. The Father had chosen it, I think, bec

ng for the train to come which was to carry him out of my sight. How long the minutes lasted! It is a distressing

, I am profoundly sorry for him. It was, I think, his one love. It could have brough

ition has been a great stimulus to his upclimbing. But I doubt if he has really loved her as he must have loved Mary to break, a

out. I was beginning a new life-my own. I had no very clear idea of what I was going to do wi

Fighting was strictly forbidden. After this triple beating I fell into the habit of being bullied. As even the smallest boy in our village knew I was afraid to def

e new boys in order. To me it was the Great Emancipation. I threw into it all the bitterness of all the humiliations and indignities of my childhood. The ceremonial of "seconds" and "rounds" and "referee" was new to me. At home the boys just jumped at each other

raid. I had won that. It was the only fight I had in school. Even the bullies did not care to try conclusions with m

hing and found it good. The Father had been wrong in prohibiting self-defense. It was an entering wedge to rea

ons of faith. It seemed that, after my illness, my mind woke up in sections. The part which was to ponder over Mary and Oliver, which was to think out my relation

home. The more I thought of another summer in the camp,

life. He was physical director of the school and also had a small practice in the village. There were rumors that he dran

ely, taking no interest in us, muttering incoherently to himself. One day another boy and I were far "out of bounds" looking for chestnuts. We saw him coming through the trees and hid under some brush-wood. He had a gun under one arm, but was making too much n

. There were several farmers ahead of me. I had a long wai

mmer," I blurted out,

ied to make me tell him my troubles but I could not. Then he examined me carefully, tapping my knee for reflexes and doing other inco

he asked suddenly, "Are

'm afraid I'll h

e a ru

, but it was successful. A letter came in due course giving me permissio

ayed with us! He really enjoyed teaching me to swim and sail. I remember my pride when he would trust me with the main-sheet or the tiller. The mother also loved sailing. That she should enjoy playing with us was even a greater surpr

, whom we called "Holy Sam." He owed the nickname to his habit of pronouncing "psalm" to rhyme with "jam." He always opened the Sunday Vesper service by saying: "We will begin our worship with a holy sam." I th

it was a great idea to me that there were people who did not believe in God. I had not doubted His existence. I had hated Him. The faith and lo

n God. The necessity of hate would be lifted from me. And so-wi

of devotion-what Tolstoi called the kingdom of God within us-than in definitions of an external, objective concept. The fine spun scholas

est, to Cha

r good things

own blossom

le is not

prayer upli

et right to

cherished ch

xt book, in replying to them, quoted the arguments of Thomas Paine. The logic employed against him was weak and unconvincing. It was wholly based on the Bible. This was manifestly begging the question for if God was a myth, the scriptures were fiction. Now

he fire-escape and walking through the night. There was an old mill-race near the school and I used to pace up and down the dyke for

rst of all there were the two propositions "There is a God," "There is no God." If there is a God, He might be either a personal Jehovah, such as the Father believe

grown-up men who think they know what the Bible means. They have burned each other at the stake-Catholics and Protestants-they would kill each other still, if there were not laws against it. A personal Go

not care about men. Such a God could not give us any law. Ev

is the same as if ther

lf. This experiment must be the aim of life-to find out what is good. I think that the b

not believe-in many things. My philosophy is still negative. A

o an abrupt end. My speculations were interrupted

g out of bed at th

et but disgrace. My very fright saved

about Go

a long whistle and

at gave you

es

ll me ab

seriously, let me talk. Grown-ups had talked to and at me without end. I had been told what I ought to believe. He was the first to ask me what I belie

nd when I got to "Salvation

-night, we might as well do more.

equal, gave me a new pride in life, gave me courage to go through with my story, to tell about

I asked at last, "D

o meet him in any laboratory. It

an atheist,"

And he explaine

w what's good a

think you are a liar, especially so when you happen to be telling the truth. It is uncomfortable to be caught stealing. But

rily. It was several minu

If you don't believe the Bible you mustn't believe any book. No-that's not what I mean. A lot of the Bible is true. Some

ow which part

all the world, my boy, if

ilence, he spoke in

not a good man to t

e as though it were the history of someone else. He had studied in Germany,

the hardest problem there is in ethics. The theological seminaries don't help. It's stupid just to tell men to keep away from it-sooner or later they don't. And nobody can tell them what's right. You wouldn't understand my case if I told you about it. It finish

rawled out and sobered up. This school work and the village practice g

he ended, "she will die and-well-

n the school and help other boys as he was helping me. But I could not find phrases. At last his cigar burned out and he snapped

Don't worry your head about God. It's more impor

few steps when h

t lose my position. I don't care for myself

His calling me back is the one cloud on

ided attention to baseball. The doctor was unif

rom him. I tore it up carefully after reading it, as he asked-threw the fragments out of the window of the train which was carrying me homeward. There was much to help me to clear thinking in that l