Finding Fullness in Quiet

ive handlers were e

all apartment near the unive

t, no acknowledgment of the y

about in hushed, fearful tones from other "cli

acility tucked away in a r

ws, surrounded by a den

equally devoid of warmth, instructed m

d as I peeled i

a gentle fading. It

ntense thrum of emotion that had becom

eturn to my old "Q

was w

over me, a detachment so c

– they were all gone, n

ng. A comple

just the loss of Alistair, bu

a regimen of strict routines

ls, and group sessions where other "

ts, people hollowed out by the

e bleakness of the facility, the despair

complied, but

range, empt

oid, faint memories

Alistair, when the p

erwhelming rus

de me weep. Alistair's smile made my chest ach

sten to my ideas, his eyes crinklin

re student, became h

ve and energy were boundless. I ador

s "muse," his "

, of us collaboratin

lt like scenes from someone else's life,

recollections, a faint dis

accepting my devotion

ys seemed to benefit his own

his affection, had been my unwa

a perfect devotee, and Alistair had

ring anger or sadness. Just a