PERFECT DEBAUCHERY: A COLLEGE MM ROMANCE

, grabbing both my wrists in one of his hands. "What?" i breathe heavily "Stop" he repeats again "Why? What's wrong?" i run my eyes all over his face "What's wrong?What's – Cal

lanning to propose to Ellie" The indifference in his tone is like a smack across my face. The way he downplays his betrayal like it's nothing more than a trifle. I feel naivety and idiocy in tons, so much that my head swims with it. "What the fuck Tim?" he doesn't look at me, there's no sign that he hears me, and my heart can't take it "Tim, you promised" he doesn't budge and I hang on to desperate hope that it's shame making him hide his face from me. With despair hot on my heels, I march around to face him and he gives me a look that says he thinks I'm the stupidest person alive. "And what would you have me do? Would you have me wait for you and then after you graduate we can get married and disappear into the sunset? What I would do to live in your world for a day. I'm sure it's summer all the time and the rivers flow with chocolate" he says with a gentle tone, but the vibrant mockery in his eyes makes my cheeks heat with embarrassment. "I was hoping we could figure -" "Don't say that caleb!" he snaps "You don't even love her" I plead, each word a struggle to utter, past the lump rising at the back of my throat. "It doesn't matter" "It does matter because you will never be happy but I can make you happy." In misery, I attempt to bury myself in him, wrapping my arms around his middle. I feel his warm body go stiff. "I will make you happy if only you let me. I'll make you happier than Ellie ever will. please." I sound so fucking desperate because i am Swiftly, he pulls himself out of my hold, grabs my shoulder, and tries to shake some sense into me. "Stop being ridiculous Caleb!" he quips, his face flushing. "I'm sorry" I whisper, choking back a sob, as a rogue tear leaks onto my cheek. "Go to college, live your life, and try to be happy. If you have a single ounce of sense in your stupid head, don't come back here. I'm going back to Bible study now-wait a while before you come in after me." he says, giving me a look of disdain. I watch him in silent agony as he adjusts his clothes and stalks back inside the church-Like he's not the cause of the searing, asphyxiating pain tearing through my chest-a wide gaping hole, clenching and unclenching. All kinds of disturbing notions run through my head. Like going in there and screaming at the highest point of my lungs that Tim likes boys, and he can't marry Ellie, how I'm in love with him, and it's their fault Tim is just too scared to love me back. Their watchful, judgmental eyes, their veiled hostility and backhanded love. But I can't. I pull myself together instead. I pull myself together while my brain buzzes inside my skull. I try to stand but my legs are too weak, too fragile and unsteady. I stumble forward, my knees wobble like they know nothing of their use anymore, I try to steady myself holding onto the wall for support. My head swims with