After Ten Years: A Journey of Regrets

date and boarded a train to confess my feeling

o the police station, and since then, I have re

Carriage, horses, and mail needed a little bit o

ie Cantrell, don't

he lights inside the hous

ked at me with

lly aware that this was the calm before the

land proposed to

parents through a matchmaker, an

r tone reminiscent of a teacher interrogating a student

him," I answer

ould the person I chose for you be wrong? We wouldn't harm you," my mo

n years old, I wa

n entering, only bombarded me with questions

disgu

t the vase I had prepared earlier, filled it with water, added four drops of n

d apologize to Wesley, and our two families will have a

someone to do something they don't w

s. My mom first scolded me for lacking vitality, then criticized black sweatshi

he one paying,

outed at me, "Is that how you talk to you

gaze landed on the lilies. "Whe

thinking about that brat, that gutter rat? I'm w

r, but she kept calling

a gutter rat. He h

stars, and my dad's veins bulged

lap never

n anger and storm

es, I felt a deep s

r of high school, this was the tenth consecutive year

they were f

ved l

ent happened

cking case of a high school gi

ctim w

as Justin's fathe

in our senior ye

parents' first reaction wasn't to se

e, and insisted on bringing

for me to take a leave of absence from school due to illness, and they

another city to take the national col

pped out o

s, and Braden went to prison, leaving

bout Justin, only occasionally sen

them, but I believed he

began to wilt on the third day

refully I took care of them, the pic

everything you ever gave me, an

re was no need

"I haven't us

gh on the other end of the line. "I

d leave as soon as I got off work

nexpectedly ran into my elementary

e, childhood friends, and he was the one who

talk, I asked h

dent well-hidden, so almost

but he hasn't accepted any offers. Oh, and he recently opened a flower shop behind his high school, on

me on WhatsApp and said that he would treat

ed a lot, but I didn't hear a word, my mind fille

ve and ret

n, realizing I hadn't packed

at my impu

ne brightly in the dark night, each one dazzling

. My mom took me to Lakeview Peak for sketching, and not

him imme

ster obediently soared in the sky, fl

l, I couldn't hel

my head with her knuck

nk flowers, but my peripheral vision was f

and in primary school, I found tha

s so

ittle prince and disdained the friendliness

s, hated the classm

of awkwardness, and the teachers' kindnes

the class, we were high and m

e class during mid

boy, while I continued to be the proud, boo

e school, we had

registration, I saw his

hen he immersed himself in relentless

lt a surge of

would be classmat

d even higher in high sch

end to pass by our classroom

s also particularly l

, girls would gather in the cl

ose to Justin and commented on their appearan

indifferent to the

ground, claiming his family had donated

pause my studies, empty my mind, and lis

each other, we rarely spoke and ha

udying, and for over a decade,

stin became my

a daze. I got off the train but did

e minutes before hailing a cab to the mall. There,

w T

Justin's f

rembled, and I felt an over

he door and asked if I

ut instead asked,

y. "What business do y

id, "I just want to look

e, the kind we could buy in bulk. They seemed perfect for high schoo

fold a lily for me every day using my colo

g light fell on him as he focu

selfishly thought

ced lilies planted in po

h are th

ff them but didn't

into a pair of dazzling, glass-like e

suddenly

me for a minute before asking, in

e shop, avoiding his gaze. The girl

nfusion and explained, "

d, "O

again, "Which o

retly glanced at him out of the cor

me. I randomly pointed to one and t

up scissors and trimmed

l string around them several times, quic

p, making my cheeks fl

ntly tucked a stray stran

e and natural, as if he ha

pped the morning exercises to fan me in the classroom, only to be caught by

had turned

d already been desk mates for

e classroom, waiting for me to leave first.

arm and asked, "Why did you never come to p

retorted, "Do y

my response and realized t

wasn't around and asked me what I was drawing.

act of ignoring him would

ilk to share with him. It was my way of apol

ed the cap off and drank it all

silly. So different from the

ent of flowers, I looked up and ask

en she saw the lilies in my hands, he

rink and handed it to

fraid he'd see th

booked a

wer shop, Justin took

ts and slept on his bed, while Jus

he faint scent of Justin body was

.

ior year when I first notice

ver a cup of coffee, sta

I gave him a new oversized uniform I'd rec

, I caught a glimpse of the dense scars on

question, but Justin remained

edicine for treating external wounds.

bag of medicine in si

his lips move slightly, as i

k. Rumor had it that he had injured his leg p

t belie

d basketball with

Justin retur

d happened, but I could s

void of life, like a porcelain doll shatte

him aside to an empty corner and

persuade him, Justin refused

told him, "You should

y head. "The people I care about are al

en't home, and he came to my ho

on the floor. That night, he sp