How to bake a scandal

Sutt

Chit-Chat Weekly gave me another trash assignment: *Top 10 Cat Memes That Made Grandmas Cry Over TikTok*. Four years of col

ker like a dying smoke alarm. "Get over here or I'

Now my DMs? Flooded with angry emojis from a lawyer whose profile pic was his golden retriever in a t

me, at least Judge Judy's 12 Instagra

clicked like gunshots-same rhythm as the day she'd fire

she said. "Dig

e tech guy? The one you..." *Dated*. The office Slack s

he still looked like the type to Venmo request you for half a fries. My student loan

r paperclipped inside. "He'll talk to you." Her eyes fli

draft-*Do Billionaires Use Toilet Paper?*-stared f

t if this backfires

keyboard. "Remember when you got sued for calling that influen

uttered. "And this isn't a TikTok r

her car floor. "Wear this. It says 'I'm d

or doors groaned like they'd murder me first chance they got. My phone buz

urned holes in my thrifted

vator d

-

les and leather that probably cost more than my life savings, but it s

om his laptop. "I do

. It's a... lifestyle piece. What billion

witched.

bbies. Normal p

You write about toilet paper

brick. "Because Forbes thinks you're a cy

you'll twist it

's hon

never a

ll sign whatever

the corner. "Page four: No

d charred crust. Ethan scowled at

ould end wars," I said, lea

day." The timer beeped. He yanked the loaf out too f

res. "Looks like my cr

smiled.

I snapped a photo, captioning it: *When life gi

: *IS THAT HIS BREAD

an hour later: *You'r

umbs dusting

t not pay

, it tas