Selfish Desire

a's

d was playing close by, and I let myself unwind for a little while as his little giggles filled the air like music. Despite everything that was going on in my life, his innocence

iative of my good health, though. If nothing else, there is no HIV. Even though I tried not to think about it, i

k to the present. "Rosa," she called

these days, the one that said, I'm fine. Everything's fine. But Grandma Hanns saw right

"I understand,"

of my heart as she reached into my ches

hought of him, my hands clenched into fists and my chest tightened. Even t

dress, I whispered, "He wants to meet my

leaned in. "Why not? He is

lt like they were stuck, like they didn't want to come out. But

dn't stop. "Where was he when I was hurt and battered?" I wiped my fac

really does not care about me? I

ent as I said, "He stopped bei

line. "He's your father," she said quietly, but ther

ould she? She hadn't been there. She hadn't felt the betrayal, the abandonment. She didn't know

voice trembling with emotion

e. Grandma Hanns pulled me into her arms, holding me close, her emb

ed softly. "Let go of the past. Loo

't forgive him. Not for what he did. Not f

y words coming out in choked sobs.

g down in that moment. Before, I considered myself strong, but now I felt like a broken, fragile

my phone rang at that exact moment. I quickly

at the office," my secreta

lity returned to my chest, and I l

uesting the de

y bones. "I told you to have everything ready before I le

ng my personal troubles aside. Grandma Hanns continued

ma," I said, my voice quieter now. "

ased. I kept getting the uneasy feeling that something bad was going to happen. The threatening m

ng to set in, I muttered under my bre

olen something from me that I'd never be able to get back. I had tried to bury it a

nd said, but her voice did

e. "I will," I said through gritted teeth. "He's no

d once felt. But this time, I wouldn't run. I wasn't that broken girl

ald'

my chest. Bulged numbers and the incessant ticking of the clock filled my mind. The idea of everything falling

hone, which brought me back to the present. It was

too much stress. Despite the gentleness of her voice,

on my plate this week, but I'm getting through it. The investors are on my

ough the phone, the distance between us suddenly tangible. She eventually sa

es in an attempt to relieve the tension. But the unease from the conversation lingered, gna

et the date, planned everything out. But then, the day before we were supposed to go, she hesitated. First, she said she wasn't feeling well. Then, she said it wasn'

at was s

get out. Even for a couple of hours, I needed to take a

ever, it did not feel like a way out. It was not a relief; the music was a diversion. At the bar, my pals were ha

To-be?" One of my friends gave me

mirked and said. "My lady has style.

with a girl who has changed her wa

t what had been bothering me all along. The way Rosa had been acting... distant. distracted. I was no longer able to ignore it. I wanted t

ked. However, the hesitancy in her voice stuck with me. She was concealing something, an

the weight of everything pressing back down on me. The night had done nothing t

he truth to me? Or did I simply fail to notice the rifts developing between us because I was too preoccupied with m

ew in my heart that this was more than just work-related stress, though. There was something