The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices

erseverance, he begun to entertain a misgiving that he was growing industrious. He therefore set

s, on his back reading, listened with great composure, and asked him whether he really ha

Thomas, 'what you would say of i

,' said Francis. 'It would b

through an incessant course of training, as if he were always under articles to fight a match for the champion's belt, and he calls it Play! Play!

oodchild ami

into a mine. Where any other fellow would be a painted butterfly, you are a fiery dragon. Where another man would stake a sixpence, you stake your existence. If you were to go up in a balloon, yo

feel it to be serious,' said Idle. 'A man who can do

halves, and be nothing by halves, it's pretty clear th

Goodchild clapped Mr. Idle on the shoulder i

I have been over a lunatic asy

c asylum! Not content with being as great an Ass as Captain Barclay in th

le offices, very good arrangements, very goo

apting Hamlet's advice to the occasion, and assu

es of hopeless faces; numbers, without the slightest power of really combining for any earthly purpose; a society of hum

th me,' said Thomas Idle

child, 'which looked to me about the length

ss,' observe

, when we came to him. He looked up, and pointed to the matting. "I wouldn't do that, I think," said my conductor, kindly; "if I were you, I would go and read, or I would lie down if I felt tired; but I wouldn't do that." The patient considered a moment, and vacantly answered, "No, sir, I won't; I'll-I'll go and read," and so he lamely shuffled away into one of the little rooms. I turned my head before we had gone many paces. He had already come out again, and was again poring over the matting, and tracking out its fibres with his thumb and forefinger. I stopped to look at him, and it came into my mind, that probably the course of those fibres as they plaited in and out, over and under, was the only course of things in the whole wide world that it was left to him to u

ld followed in the same direction. The bride-cake was as bilious and indigestible as

by a curious fence-work of old oak, or of the old Honduras Mahogany wood. It was, and is, and will be, for many a long year to come, a remarkably picturesque house; and a certain grave mystery lurking i

airs with the obliging landlord and waiter-but without appearing to get into their way, or to mind whether they did or no-and who had filed off to the right and left on the old staircase, as the guests entered their sitting-ro

seen nothing more of the old men. Mr. Goodchild, in rambling about it, had looked along passages, and glanced in at doorways, bu

good way,-always clapped-to again without a word of explanation. They were reading, they were writing, they were eating, they were drinking, they were talking, they were dozing; the door was always opened at an unexpected moment, and they l

off writing, and glasses were on the table between them. The house was closed and quiet. Around the head of Thomas Idle, as he lay upon his sofa, hovered light wreaths of

ed, when Mr. Goodchild abruptly changed his attitude to wind up his watch. They were just becoming drowsy enough to be st

said Go

mptly executed (truly, all orders were so, in that excel

, but stood with t

said Mr. Goodchild, in a surpris

asure?' said t

dn't

d,' said the

trong way, that would have

elieve, of seeing you, y

for certain,' was the gri

u saw me? D

. 'O yes, I saw you. But, I

if his eyelids had been nailed to his forehead. An old man whose eyes-two spots of fire-had no more motion than if they had

ons, that he shivered. He remarked lightly, and half apo

rd old man, 'there

dle, but Idle lay with hi

ere?' said

our grave, I assure y

not bend himself to sit, as other people do, but seemed to s

ld, extremely anxious to introduce

, without looking at him

itant of this place,' Fr

es

I were in doubt upon, this morning. They hang

so,' said t

turned towards th

and contracting violently, and a similar expansion and contraction seem to take place in your own head and breast. T

d man of a swollen character of face, and his nose was immoveably hitched up on one side, as if by a little hook inse

cription, sir

ation,' the ol

hild believed that he saw threads of fire stretch from the old man's eyes to his own, and there attach themselves. (Mr. Goodchild writes the present account of his experienc

said the old man, with a

ked Franci

re it took pl

Mr. Goodchild was not, nor is, nor ever can be, sure. He was confused by the circumstance that the right forefinger of the One old man seemed to dip

as a Bride,' sa

-cake,' Mr. Goodchild faltered.

irl, who had no character, no purpose. A weak, credulous, incapable, helpless not

heer helplessness; no other disorder-and then He renewed the acquaintance that had once subsisted between the mother and Him. He had been p

and submitted himself to her whims. She wreaked upon him every whim she had, or could invent. He bore it.

gain. She put her hands to her head one night, uttered a cry, stiffened, lay in that attitude certain hour

o her daughter-ten years old then-to whom the property passed absolutely, and appointing himself the daughter's Guardian. When He slid it under the pillow of the bed on whic

e, He, and the fair flaxen-haired, large-eyed fo

chful and unscrupulous woman. "My worthy lady," he said, "here is a mind to be formed; will you help

n who must marry her-the destiny that overshadowed her-the appointed certainty that could never be evaded. The poor fool was soft white wax in their hands, and took the impr

the moss to accumulate on the untrimmed fruit-trees in the red-walled garden, the weeds to over-run its green and yellow walks. He surrounded her with images of sorrow and desolation. He caused her to be filled with fears of the place and of the stories that were told of it, and the

power to bind and power to loose, the ascendency over her weakness was secured. She was twenty-one years and twenty-one

alone-and they came back, upon a rain night, to the scene of her long preparation. S

the Death-watch

nswered. "And

and be merciful to me! I beg your pardon. I will

ol's constant song: "I beg y

er. But, she had long been in the way, and he had long been w

he said. "Go

or (for they were alone in the house, and he had arranged that the people who attended on them should come and go in the day), he found her withdrawn to the furthest corner, an

raid of? Come and

beg your pardon, sir. Forgive m

on it. When you have written it all fairly, and corrected all mistakes, call in any two people there may be about the house, and sig

the greatest care. I wi

ke and trem

t not to do it-if you

she copied, in appearance quite mechanically, and without caring or endeavouring to comprehend them, so that she did her task. He saw her follow the directions she had received, in all particulars; and at

her before him, face to face, that he might look at her steadily; and he a

whiter and her eyes look larger as she nodded her head. There were spots of ink upon t

, yet more closely and steadily, in the

d uttered a low

you. I will not endange

to the stern figure, sitting with crossed arms and knitted forehead, in the chair, they read in it, "Die!" When she dropped asleep in exhaustion, she was called back to shuddering consciousness, by the whisper, "Die!" When she f

e, it came to this-that either he must die, or she. He knew it very well, and concentrated his strength against h

ken away from him in the night, with loud and sudden cries-the first of that kind to which she had given vent-and he had had to put his hands over her mouth. Since then, s

her coming, trailing herself along the floor towards him-a white wreck of hair,

do anything. O, sir, p

Di

olved? Is there

Di

done. He was not at first so sure it was done, but that the morning sun was hanging jewels in her hair-he saw the diamond, emer

. And now they were all gone, an

n his back upon it and have done with it. But, the house was worth Money, and Money must not be thrown away. He determined to sell it before he went. That it might look the less wretched and bring a better price, he

and, one evening at dusk, was left working alone, with his bill-hoo

nger," he said to himself, "I

ear to the porch, and near to where he stood, was a tree whose branches waved before the old bay-window of the Bride's Chamber, where it had been don

branches cracked and swayed; the figure rapidly descended, and slid upon its

" he said, seizing th

and throat. They closed, but the young man got from him and stepped back, crying, with

e young man. For, the young man's look was the counterpart of

d not have a coin of your wealth, if it

Wh

go. I climbed it, to look at her. I saw her. I spoke to her. I have climbed it, many a time, to watch

flaxen hair, tied wi

at she was dead to every one but you. If I had been older, if I had seen her sooner, I might have saved her

nto a fit of sobbing and crying: w

ith her, slowly killing her. I saw her, from the tree, lie dead upon her bed. I have watched you, from the tree, for proofs and traces of your guilt. The manner of it, is a mystery to me yet,

is body, and very hard to bear, had verge enough to keep itself at a distance in. He (by which I mean the other) had not stirred hand or foot, since he had stood still to look at the boy. He faced round, now, to follow him with his eyes. As the back of the bare light-brown head was turned to h

he worked at turning up all the ground near the tree, and hacking and hewing at the neighbouring bu

erted, and so successfully worked out. He had got rid of the Bride, and had acquired her fortune without endangering

forced to live in it. He hired two old people, man and wife, for his servants; and dwelt in it, and dreaded it. His great difficulty, for a long time, was the garden.

ling the old serving-man to help him; but, of never letting him work there alone. And he

of the falling leaves, he perceived that they came down from the tree, forming tell-tale letters on the path, or that they had a tendency to heap themselves into a churchyard mound above the grave. In the winter, when the tree was bare, he perceived that the boughs swung at him the ghost of the blow

es that yielded great returns. In ten years, he had turned his Money over, so many times, that the traders and shippers who had

st easily. He had heard who the youth was, from hearing of the search t

when there was a great thunder-storm over this place. It broke at midnight, and roared until morning. The firs

ion of the old red garden-wall in which its fall had made a gap. The fissure went down the tree to a little above the earth, and there stopped. There was gre

sed to admit any more. But, there were certain men of science who travelled from a distance to

r, while he lived! They offered money for it. They! Men of science, whom he could have bought by t

is wages, of being underpaid-and they stole into the garden by night with their lanterns, picks, and shovels, and fell to at the tree. He was lying in

ut back, when it was last turned to the air. It was found! They had that minute lighted on it. They were all bending over it. One of them said, "The skull

rcumstances were gradually pieced together against him, with a desperate malignity, and an appalling ingenuity. But, see the justice of men, and how it was extended to him! He was further ac

l one was chosen, and he was found Guilty, and cast for death. Bloodthirsty wretches

hanged. I am He, and I was hanged at Lancaster Cas

ld man's eyes to his own, kept him down, and he could not utter a sound. His sense of hearing, however, was acute, an

w

me instant: each, gnashing the same teeth in the same head, with the same twitched nostril above them, and the same suffused expression around

Two old men, 'did you a

Si

Six old men up

his brow, or tried to do it, the Two old men pr

er and re-hung on an iron hook, when it began to be whispered that

te wreck again, trailing itself towards me on the floor. But, I was the speaker n

ent and gave. He has, ever since, been there, peeping in at me in my torment; revealing to me by snatches, in th

ou-he hides in the tree, and she comes towards me on the floor; always approaching; never coming nearer; always visib

am what you saw me when the clock struck that hour-One old man. At Two in the morning, I am Two old men. At Three, I am Three. By Twelve at noon, I am Twelve old men, One for every hundred per cent. of old gain. Every one of the Twelve, with Twelve times my old power of s

wo living men together. I waited for the coming of two living men together into the Bride's Chamber, years upon years. It was infused into my knowledge (of the

g the stairs. Next, I saw them enter. One of them was a bold, gay, active man, in the prime of life, some five and forty years of age; the other, a dozen years younger. They brought provisions with them in a basket, and bottles. A young

tation on the hearth, close to him-and filled the glasses, and ate and drank. His companion did the same, and was as cheerful and confident as he:

common. In the midst of their talking and laughing, the younger man made a reference to the le

I am afraid of nothing el

grow a little dull, aske

were alone here, or what tricks my senses might play with me if they had me to themselves. But, in company with a

se that I was of so much import

had spoken yet, "that I would, for the reason I have given,

d of the younger man had drooped when he mad

the leader, gaily. "The

ut his head

d the leader.

d. "I don't know what strange influ

a new horror also; for, it was on the stroke of One, and I felt that the second watc

k, Dick!" cried

d shake him. One o'clock sounded, and I was present

oresee it will ever be the same. The two living men together will never come to release me. When I appear, the senses of one of the two will be locke

s immoveability was explained by his having been charmed asleep at One o'clock. In the terror of this sudden discovery which produced an indescribable dread, he struggled so hard to get free

not down here. What the deuce are you carrying me at all for? I c

wn in the old hall, and

own sex, and rescuing them or perishing in the att

Mr. Goodchild, distracted

I think you mean,' as he began hobbling his way back up t

Goodchild, attending at his sid

said Thomas Idle, 'I

able. Mr. Idle said it was all Bride-cake, and fragments, newly arranged, of things seen and thought about in the day. Mr. Goodchild said how could that be, when he hadn't been asleep, and what right could Mr. Idle have to say so, who had been asleep? Mr. Idle said he had never been asleep, and never did go to sleep, and that Mr. Goodchild, as a general rule, was always asleep. They consequently parted for the rest of the night, at their b