A Beta Life

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ed but her frown permanently in place. She smiles her evil, crooked little smile and starts to hit her head in the same tune she was belting before she spoke. I have had the nightmare again, though I can't recall any specifics this time. . Every night for as long as I can remember, the scene never changes. The dream plagues my every night, no matter what I'm prescribed. Its theme is constant. As soon as I close my eyes, the darkness dissolves, and I'm running into the bushes, fleeing. I'm being chased at top speed by an unseen force before suddenly, an overwhelming power begins to take hold of my mind, my body, and my complete being. My senses are all alight with the same feeling; the same explosive power. It's as addictive as it is terrifying. I always talk to Dr. Jasper about it in our sessions, but he always writes it off as night terrors. PTSD from my sad little excuse of a life. What I seem to consistently remember most vividly is the burning. The feeling of fire seeping through my entire body until I can't feel anything but the heat anymore. It separates my mind from my body until suddenly, I only hear a voice calling out to me. Nothing else matters. Everything stills. It's then that the heat begins to dissipate and soon, it's gone just as fast as it appeared. I try to ignore it, but I can't; the voice calls for me. It needs me. It must have me. Out of nowhere, time stops, and I burst spontaneously into pieces. My heart and soul are exposed to the heavens above as my mind stills. I'm stitched together again as something else. Something more. Muscle, bone, heart, and mind. It's no longer human me running in the long green grass anymore. No. I am gone and instead stands a beautiful, majestic light grey animal. But I'm not gone. I am the animal. We are one and the same. Except when I'm in this state of altered mind, I do things I can't explain. Sometimes I wake just before the animal arrives, and that's a good night. I can usually take the meds and sleep a dreamless sleep after that. But when I don't wake up at that particular moment, when I have a complete episode, well, that's when things get out of control. I haven't had one in months now. So, the treatment here must be working. But the last one? It was bad. Bad enough for me to end up locked up in Beta Stone as a maximum-security risk. The last time was the worst I can recall. I woke up in a place I didn't rec