Europe Revised

emand for any. Austria has no fresh air at all-never did have any, and therefore has never felt th

age provides healthful exercise for an American tourist, while affording a cheap and simple form of amusement for his fellow passengers. If, by superhuman efforts and at the cost of a fingernail or two, he should get one open, somebody else in the compartment as a matter of principle, immedi

fluence to which the lungs were unused, it sickened him; in fact I am not sure but that it killed him on the spot. So the emperors of Germany and Austria got together and issued a joint ukase on the subject and, so far as the tra

look with darkling suspicion on a party who will deliberately immerse his person in cold water; their beings seem to recoil in horror from the bare prospect of such a thing. It is plainly to be seen they think his intelligence has been attainted by cold water externally applied;

s companion of the gentler sex apparently has the same idea of performing daily ablutions that a tabby cat has. You recall the tabby-cat system, do you not?-two swipes over the brow with the moistened paw, one forward swipe over ea

, but more than for a funeral. On the eve of the fatal day the news spreads through the district that to-morrow poor Jacques is going to take a bath! A fu

fe, shakes her head sadly as s

leave of his family and says he is prepared for the worst. At the appointed hour the tumbrel enters the street, driven by th

say to themselves-when the same fate may strike some other household now happily unconscious! All along the narrow way sorrow-drooped heads protrude in rows; from every casement

blance to a gallows tree. Under the direction of the presiding functionary the tub is made fast to the tackle and hoisted upward as pianos and safes ar

eless grasp. Hist to that sound-like unto a death rattle! It is the water gurgling in the tub. And what means that low,

t still hums with ill-suppressed excitement. Questions fly from tongue to tongue. Was the victim brave at the last? Was he resigned when the dread moment came? And how is the fa

n the occasion of my first bath on French soil, after several of the hired help had thus called on me informally, causing me to cower low in my porcelain retreat, I took advantage of a moment of comparative quiet to rise drippingly and draw the latch. I judged the

incts adorned with art treasures uncountable, with curios magnificent, with relics invaluable. I visited the little palace and the big; I ventured deep into that splendid forest where, in the company of ladies regarding whom there has been a good d

n rooms and state picture rooms; and we were told that most of them-or, at least, many of them-were the handiwork of the late Andreas Schluter. The deceased Schluter was an ar

d was empty, except that in the center stood a great mass of bronze-by Schluter, I think-a heroic equestrian statue of Saint George in the act of destroying the first adulterated German sausage. But in a minute the garrison turned out; and

rdest and jars his brain the painfulest, is promoted to be a corporal and given a much heavier pair of shoes, so that he may make more noise and in

the public end of the establishment and I regard it as probable that in the other wing, where the Kaiser lives when at home, there

ed on a stepladder and then fell headlong into its smothering folds like a gallant fireman invading a burning rag warehouse; but this hotel happened to be the best hotel that I ever saw outside the United

ial Majesty's equally imperial mustache. Just once-and once only-I made the mistake of rubbing myself with one of those towels just as it was. I should have softe

le-walled vault. It was as cold as a tomb and as gloomy as one, and very smelly. Indeed it greatly resembled the pictures I have seen of the sepulcher of an Egyptian king-only I would have said that this particular king had been skimpily em

p at the rate of sixty cents apiece. I had provided my own soap too! For that matter the traveler provides his own soap everywhere in Europe, outside of En

r standards, I dare say they were right. A meal is a necessity, but a bath is an exotic luxury; and, since they have no ext

waistcoat-or, as we would call it down where I was raised, a dress vest. This vest had become soiled through travel and wear across Eur

or two days she brought all sorts of vests and submitted them to me on approval-thin ones and thick ones; old ones and new ones; slick ones and woolly ones; fringed ones and fr

rview the manager and put in a claim for the value of the lost garment. She looked at me dazedly a moment while I repeated the injunction more painstakingly than before; and, at that, understanding seemed to break dow

form me whether there is any word in Viennese for white vest that sounds like Catholic priest! However,

e manner for its mate-which is myself. It will never find a suitable adopted parent. It was especially coopered to my form by an expert clothing contractor, and it will not fit anyone else. No; it will wander on and on, the starchy bulge of its bosom dimly phosphorescent in the gloaming, its white

ur absurdly short little locomotive, drawing our absurdly long train, went boring in and out of a wrinkly shoulder-seam of the Tyrols like a s

e would go roaring across a mighty gorge, its sides clothed with perpendicular gardens and vineyards, and with little gray towns clustering under the ledges on its sheer walls like mud-daubers' nests beneath an eave. Now, perched on a ridgy outcrop of rock like a single tooth

e sky like the jagged top of a half-finished cutout puzzle, and some would be buried so deeply in clouds that only their peaked blue noses showed sharp above the featherbed mattresses of mist in which th

now the study of bathing habits had become an obsession with me; I asked him whether he had encountered any bathtubs about the place. He said a bathtub in those altitudes was as rare as a chamois, and the chamois was entirely

within a few hours, because the barometer registered fair. At that moment streams of chilly rain-water were coursing down across the dial of the barometer, but it registered fair even then. He said

was cold. He would have many of the outward indications of being cold. His teeth would be chattering like a Morse sounder, and inside his white-duck pants his knees would be knocking together with a low, muffled sound. He would be so pri

e, no matter what happened. In a season of trying climatic conditions it was a great comfort-a boon really-not only to its owner but to his guests. Speaking personally, however, I have no need to consult the barometer'

still bearing their names-such as Caracalla's Baths and Titus' Baths,

en the ancient Romans and the modern