Wildflower

nxiously for the dark-haired woman behind t

o finally see the grass – and not through a chain-li

face, and stand in the

e my life. I clench my eyes closed. I don't have to think about that anymore. The min

e won't disappear right away, and it won't be as easy as

unted the days, weeks and months until I

se doors, and there is

to head home, the only place I know. I still remember the run down, one

d I slept on the couch. It was joyous ti

entence. I have barely turned 24, and I have yet to experience simple things l

n't many opportunities to get your first kiss. At

nter. I jump to my feet and scramble to the front, looking straight at the ground while she

eer, turning around and instantly locking himself back

nmates and newer guards believed I was convicted of theft, technological manipu

nes who have known me since I barely

lucky and unlucky for me, someone saw the poten

e weeks. I remember thinking those few weeks sitting in a holding cell at the local po

ly change into the pair of clothes that had to be donated to me, since the l

t scruffy beard. What shocks me the most, is the shadows in my almost b

itude, to the point where I now welcome th

e box again when I get out the doors and fish out my phone and thankfully, the charger. I find a small outlet on

when I was 14, because my father was never home and I often had to go out on my own and get groceri

s a name I haven't heard, but tho

r And

ever let it affect him. He was always down to earth and kind

s name and dial his number, my hands shaking as I lift the phone to my ear. I

he asks, his tone

in the first time in a l

time,

y. "Holy shit, Tristan?

t see me. "Yeah, it's reall

to you right now. I want to ask you so much, but I don't think we

'm in Boston right now, " I say, leaving out eve

in New Jersey now, but I can maybe make it

haven't talked to you in 10 years,

o reconnect with him, but it doesn'

'm going to be honest wi

nds. "Is this why I haven't heard from

t right now I have nowhere to go, I'm stranded in Boston. I'm

ou, Tristan, but you better hav

I'm sure you

*

he has to punch it into GPS, which will then expose exactly where he is picking me up

truck pulls up in front. I take a deep breath and haul my box of bel

a bit longer and curlier at the top, and his skin a little tanner than before, making his

a hug. I haven't been physically touched like this in 10 years, the contact shocking me

bbing the box again. "It's good to see you man, " he says and smiles, putting

om prison?" he asks, and I take a deep breath before I start

father?" I start

t I also remember he used to be a pretty

o be seen. She kept asking me where he was, and I said I never knew. The weekend came around, and she was still there, but my father wasn't. She kept saying he

sus, man. Why didn'

im. I had no doubt she or my father owed them some money or drugs, so I tried hiding in my room, but one of the men saw me and dragg

pulled a gun a shot her. I panicked, the man came towards me and shoved the gun into m

igest that little bit,

to continue, I take

re to be seen. They found me, still holding the gun, frozen with fear, and the two bodies around me. They identified th

ing from your dad? How did you get out?" The words tumble

we can save for a night over beers at your place or something,

lly thinking about

t what?" I ask

, despite whatever has happened since then to get you here. I want to help you out, I had no i

had no idea what was going on. The fact that you answer

ave a loft above my apartment that my landlord has been trying to rent out for a while, but it's kind of small. I can

That's too much, I

ow you but I mind as well tell you. I just opened a club downtown, a few weeks ago. I could use

rowded club, tending to drunk people at the bar. It does

, I've been in there a long time, " I say, hint

king you could take the day shift, that gives me the chance to get a good sleep before I

help ease myself back into the public, s

but I can't make any

o make money for now, you can look f

ide is spent in p

*

as we drive through the state of New York. I have been down these roads man

ars, with a few store additions and houses; but the people h

ing to

than 12 hours in solitude for snapping, and hitting another inmate with a cafeteria tray. He kept threatening me if I didn't gi

ny other times. I busted the side of his face, and cracked his nose. That wo

king I went into that place with the anger I carried. They refused to think that they had run a terribl

inside. If you didn't have anything, you were treated like not

t conversation with anyone, without my anxiety taking over? Do I still carry the anger I h

male population approaches me. I barely spoke to girls when I was 14, and haven't

of the few guys who i

opulation; there is no doubt if my life had played out differently, I wouldn't turn down a girl that inexperienced,

unwanted guilt an

still worrying about sex. That's a

to the decent sized, two floor apartment building. I assumed the small door off to

ns. "It's not much, but it's be

in a place like this. They always insis

o; it was about time. I could tell from a young age that the

ar man, " I say bu

s you down. Once my parents divorced, my mother realized she had been suppressing her passions to fit into my father's circle of

never expressed any other interests than that. I knew he had the potential to run a business, but a club

I can show you my club, I have to o

slightly fresh city air around me, not

e day until around lunch, then close up for a few hours to get some sleep,

at him. "You just

nless there is a big game on, then I just ope

together, for someone who is probably running on 4 hours of sleep. Between working, eating

hours of sleep. You can teach me how to open the place up and shit, you don't have to show me the place, "

, though I thought for sure you were gonna change your mind in the truck

ns up into a living room and kitchen, shared in one room, with a medium sized bay window looking towards the side o

ct. The living room/kitchen is a decent space as well, everything pretty close together, if you put a couch

is a few

you think?"

around the room

tairs at my place for now, use the shower and stuff, I might h

of clothes is. He does thankfully have a few pairs of clothes in my size, and closer to

use as much hot water as his tank will allow, Parker already having assure

the rooms with all the other guys. It was awkward and agonizin

I trust Parker, that initial fear

t, topped with a black button up. I run my hands through my hair an

he asks, runn

ing very uncomfortable about to

and he nods. "I've never used one, only a regul

the door open a little more. He walks over and pulls out a bulky razor, pluggin

tall for different shaves and cuts. He even describes to me what kind of shave I would ge

he fact that I missed out on those bonding moments. Though, even if I hadn

ase. I thank him again quietly, for always understanding me

and also find a bottle of gel to tame my thick, uncut hair. I make a m

phone again. He grins when he sees me walk towards him, giving

well, man. Goo

yes at him. "

It's Saturday night, I'm closed up for the day tomorr

ight." I cut him off, already k

ulder slump

y n

spend my first night out with a bunch of drunk college kids, " I say, remembering see

you think I run?" Pa

l come for one drink;

couple hours. Might want to get something to eat here, the club isn

o grab something nutritious to make up for the lack thereof I had in prison. I make a

n done his shower. He comes out and grabs a pre-ma

a mouth full food. I nod quietly, not wanting to go into deta

-open his club for the night. Before we even roll by the fro

kick in; and I haven't walked through the door yet. My h

sure if walking in now or after the crowd has rushed in is a bad idea. Neither seems pl

neven and I start havi

g with me? I can do t

anced, or flirted. How am I even going to survive one drink? Chances are, Park

k door. The place is, of course, completely packed when I emerge from behi

the bar, and slip back into the hall

d a girl, " he yells over the music and nudges me in the side. I gla

rising in my chest from the loud music and overbear

iend to take over. We can go for a smoke break, " he say

e music and anxiety. I'm so focused, I barely hear her voice in front of me, but

ou alr

leasure to see, and I have seen some pretty interesting eye colors.

ighting, her eyes

e it's

shake as well. She notices and the prettiest frown settles on her lips, if that

and I cringe away out of instinct. The frown doesn't leave her fac

pounding music no longer damaging my ears or rattling my brain. The swirl of bodies and

o yell over the sound. The warmth of her body calm

ng is exh

kens and I grip her hand without thinking. She slows her pace and looks back

way before, and I wonder if it's because she is the first girl I've physic

us girl's touch seems to calm my

. I don't ever want t