A Woman-Hater

ouncing a remittance; one to Lord Uxmoor. On reading it, he was s

d Zoe-"Ha

eing thus drawn, he said

has been seized with small-pox, and his life is in danger. He has asked for me,

contagious," cried Fann

low; and instantly rang the bell for his

id, softly, "It is brave and good of you. We poor,

firmly, looking full at her. "If you th

high, and

earnestly, though in a somewhat broken voice, "that you will not let this

pleasure out of one's head." This he said, with his eyes on his plate, like one repeating a lesson.

I shall pray for him. But, ah, I know how little prayers avail to avert these cruel bereavements." She was young, but old enough to have pra

served, made Lord Uxmoor gulp, and, not to break down before them all

a high-minded creature; she had been silent and reserved so long as the conversation was trivial; but, when trouble came, she was the one to speak to him bravely and kindly. Well, w

, he ignored the others, except that he lowered his voice in speaking to her. "God bless you for your kindness, Miss Vizard. It

e live in the same county, and we are on the way home. All I thin

went away disappointed s

oke, and Harrington held a council with the young ladie

for one," said

ly away from her to Harrington; "

her face stiffly toward Harringt

ately, ears are not c

ongues to t

were addressed poin

to the other; "am I to be a shuttlecock, and yo

said the frank Z

at is th

ter" (s

oll the bell.' Here goes one more immorta

bridled. N

derstand it, consists in speaki

rep

ell-bred t

ans

at distinguishes an estra

rep

s see how long you can hold spite-SIEVES!" Then he affected to start. "What is this? I spy a rational creature out on yonder balc

man, turned two red faces and four sparkling eyes to each other, with the instinctive sympathy of the joi

time. The men were good friends as usual, safe, by sex, from tiffs, a

disturb stagnation. She suddenly cried out, "La! and the man is gone away

inquired of him if anybody in his parts knew t

to see the folly of quarreling about

tiffly, "really I am surprised. Yo

dear; and pa

t that again

(penite

es!" (

uddle m

nt, like a lace scarf, and there was

l about the premises intertwined like snakes; and Zoe gave

and strictly ephemeral to say on everything, and don't know enough of anything to impale their hearers. In my youth there talked in Pall Mall a gentleman known as "Conversation Sharpe." He eclipsed everybody. Even Macaulay paled. Sharpe talked all the blessed afternoon, and grave men listened, enchanted; and, of all he said, nothing stuck. Where be now your Sh

on and Adam Smith. But, when we are standing or walking, we love to take brains easy. If this delightful chatterbox had been taken down shorthand and printed, and Vizard had been set down to Severni Opuscula, ten volumes-and, mind you, Severne had talked all ten by this time-the Barfordshire squire and old Oxonian would have cried out for "more matter with less art," and perhaps have even fled for relief to some shorter

timor, ira, voluptas, Gaudia, di

ft delight, the desultory charmer fell on a subject he had studied

ade the time fly so agreeably, was intended to oil the way to lubricate the passage of a premeditated pill. As soon as he had got Vizard int

s sudden turn of a convers

nd lost it," said he. "Now, take m

three hundred, and a great deal more, before I leave

. "That is the second step on the road to ruin; t

and proved to be false? Mine is untried, and

; you forget that: and the bank's system is to take a positive advantage, which mu

to a long run, the ind

rifling advantage the bank derives from an incident, which occurs only once in twenty-eight deals, avail against a player who

the bank every afternoon. Apre's? as we say

exa

eded by no indicia, belongs only to omniscienc

me very littl

d be played in caverns, and sixpenny-whist in the howling wilderness.' Ha! ha! how well I remember riding across Bullington Green one fine afternoon, and finding four Oxford hacks haltered in a row, and the four undergraduates that had hired them on long tick, sitting cross-legged under the hedge like Turks or tailors, round a rude table with the legs sawed down to stumps. You had two packs, and a portable inkstand, and were so

e youthful days, I demand a fair hearing." Then, gravely, "Hang it all, Vizard, I am

rd, hastily, and half a

foreknowledge; but I do to experience, a

er three. There-I beg pardon.

equally often in a total of fifty times, people, who have not observed, expect them to happen turn about, and bet accordingly. But they don't hap

N

ve not watch

gamblers were always my st

e principle runs through all equal chances-take the

yet. Come all the way fr

ere's an

, and judicious training. Every winning boat is manned by virtues." His eye flashed, and he was as e

luck has seldom alternated. I don't say, never. But look at the list of events; it is published every March. You may see there the great truth that even chances shun direct alternation. In this, properly worked, lies a fortune at Homburg, where the play is square. Red gains once; you back red next time, and stop. You are on black, and win; you double. This is the game, if you have only a few pounds. But with five hundred pounds you can double more courageously, and work the short run hard; and that is how losses are av

ere is a French proverb

rd, Et encore noir. Mais t

his shoulders, as if he were going to box the Demon of play for his friend, and he let out good sense right and left, and, indeed, was almost betrayed into eloquence. "What!" he cried, "you, who are so bright and keen and knowing in everyth

lkily. "Read nothi

tematically, is to gamble against a rock. Si monumenta quoeris, circumspice. Use your eyes, man. Look at the Kursaal, its luxuries, its gardens, its gilding, its attractions, all of them cheap, except the one that pays for all; all these delights, and the rents, and the croupiers, and t

, "A bank was b

d to it, or will return to it to-nigh

do. It is shut

n English gentleman does not stay years and years abroad unless he has out run the constable; and I feel sure gambling has done it. You had the fever from a boy. Bullington Green! 'As the twig's bent the tree's i

tell you something: I have a mania as bad as yours; only mine is intermittent, thank Heaven! I'm told a million women are as good, or better, than a million men. It may be so. But when I, an individual, stake my heart on lovely woman, she always turns out unworthy. With me, the sex avoids alternation. Therefore I rail on it wholesale. It is not philosophical; but

t first

urprise, as if they were new. In spite of past experience, I begin all confidence and trust: by-and-by come the subtle but well-known signs of deceit; so doubt is forced on me; and then I am all suspicion, and so darkly vigilant that soon all is certainty; for 'les fourberies des femmes' are diabolically subtle, but monotonous. They seem to vary only on the surface. One looks too gentle and sweet to give any creature pain; I cherish her like a tender plant; she deceives me for the coarsest fellow she can find. Another comes the frank and candid dodge; she is so off-handed she shows me it is not worth her while to betray. She deceives me, like the other, and with as little discrimina

u don't know how to take them," said Seve

nce I went through the established process-as fixed beforehand as the dyer's or the cotton-weaver's-adored her, trusted her blindly, suspected her, watched her, detected her, left her. By-the-by, she was my wife,

In Fra

era. You must give me your

you my wor

who sung the p

muttered

d Vizard,

on of confusion and curiosity, as if he could not take it al

I felt something like a bolt of ice run down my back. I ought to have jumped up and fled the theater. I wish I had. But I never do. I am incurable. The charm deepened; and when she had sung 'Le Parlate d'Amor' as no mortal ever sung and looked it, she left the stage and carried my heart and soul away with her. What chance had I? Here shone all the beauties that adorn the body, all the virtues and graces that embellish the soul; they were wedded to poetry and ravishing music, and gave and took en

ccount, it would be wise to go, and, indeed, dangerous to stay. But a mania is a mania, and so he could not. "Look here, old fellow," he said, "if the opera were on t

s that her name?

ncy I h

d. Ina Klosking! It is a s

be reasonable. I will go with you, Tuesday, as early as you like; but do be a g

d sad, and m

like you? If I had twelve thousand acres in a ring fenc

supercilious smile at being so misu

can give you bills for the money, and

ed. "Bills?" said he, gravely. "What,

e drawer, nor the acceptor. Besides, they are not

erchant, the

. If you will allow

to appreciate his explanation, the true part of it is pr

she will land that at Liverpool, and ship English hardware and cotton fabrics for the Mediterranean and Greece, and bring back currants from Zante and lemons from Portugal. She goes for the nimble shilling. Well, you know ships wear out: and if you varnish them rotten, and insure them high, and they go to glory, Mr. Plimsoll is down on you like a hammer. So, when she had paid my purchase-money three times over, some fellows in the

Vizard, wearily, "I wil

fellow!" said

favor, the right thing is to grant it at once. He doesn't want your advice; he wants the one thing he asks for. There,

id Severne, and went awa

s steps flagged a little; it struck him that i

's aerial character. Indeed they existed, as the schoolmen used to say, in posse, but not in esse. To be less pedantic and more exact, they existed as slips of blank paper, with a Government stamp. To gi

ed appears to fall short of forgery proper, but to be still more distinct from justifiable fiction. The ingenious Mr. De Foe

it matter to Ned Straw, since his system would enable him to redeem them at maturity? His only real concern was to conceal t

eded to a cha

ne started with terror, snapped up the three bills with the dexterity of a conjurer-the

ians among themselves, which is to kno

'm in a hurry to cash them now, and end the

thought swiftly and hard. The blood returned, along with his

"What is that to you, a fello

perstitious-don't like to do business on a Sunday. I woul

re is a limit to your superstition! Well

the

her, and said to Farmer One, 'Gien it were Monday, as it is the Sabba' day, what would ye tak' for your coow?' The other said the price would be nine pounds, if it were Monday. And so they kept the Sabbath; and

say it does not matter

one s

u, and does to me, give me my fool

ets his own way in everything. He will have your money-he won't have your money. I wonder wheth

ill, with

t luncheon-with t

n them in f

d, Miss Dover, and Mr. Sev

sted that Vizard sh

of deserting you

opened their mouths to agree, one being a profess

ue my conversation so, perhaps you will be good

d. That sigh went unpitied,

ng on between your sist

ittle fli

hat. I caught them, in th

id Vizard, with ma

im-kiss-

queen's hand, and the nation did not rise upon me. However, I object to it. The superior sex should not pla

them, unless you support me? There

th Fanny Dov

ad any designs on hi

Ned torn

sist this young man with Zoe; that is, because it doe

nunnery? Then I pi

lain enough to a

make me as wise

she means t

e!-that is too

Severne-ask the chambermaids-ask any creature wit

. When he recovered, it was

her that I think her adorable, and that matrimony is no longer a habit of mine. Set

sort. Besides, she has too much sense to plunge into the Severne an

friend's name,

a swift return to her original topic: "No; I know perfectly

d me a ship in full sail, and I praised it in m

nervous.' The other two will take the hint and make love a good way off; and Zoe will go greater lengths, with another

ot aware, perhaps, that Zoe and Fanny have had a quarrel. They don't speak. Now, in women, you know, vices are controlled by vices-see Pope. The conspiracy you dread will be averted by the other faults of their charac

and Fanny Dover glittered on t

"did not I tell you?

" said Fa

ers?" inquired Mis

-only by the

eft those

her. "These new boots are so tight that I really couldn't

med of yourself. What

ad. One does what one

als!" said Vizard, wh

iliarity with a person nobody knows, nor his family either? You are twenty-five years old; you know the world; you have as poor an opinion of the man as I have, or you would have set

ry bitterly. The words really pricked her conscience, and to be scolded is on

girl's tears. "There-there," said he, kindly, "have a littl

she must give me a proof she is sorry. Fanny, if you are a respectable girl

, eagerly; and went off

nd extended a skinny finger, like one of Macbeth's witches, and directed Vizard's eye to th

aitland turned to Vizard, with lean finger still

AM

interested in this little comedy. The first act is just over. There will be half an hour's wait till the simulatrix of infirmity comes running back with the pilgrims of the Rhine. Are they 't

rely you will be on t

ae, and no spectator. During the wait, I wonder whether the audien

l, the balcony is your smoking-room. You will see th

nd the personages required to co

ge, and directed him to go over to Homburg, and bring back all the information he could about the new singer; her address in Homburg, married or single, prude or coquette. Should information be withheld, Harris was to fee the porter at the o

y way of warning. Then it turned cool: then came a light drizzling rain

ed at Miss Maitland'

ver coming, but

en to task, but proceeded to avert censure by volubility and self-praise. "Aunt, I went down to the river, where I left them, and looked all

e back before yo

to rain; and it is

s not mi

he has got

ied Vizard. "G

her purple alpaca, and that is two years old. But my blue silk,

ess world!" sa

e tell me, if you can, either of you, who is this man? What are his means? I know 'The Peerage

er parvenues. But we can't all be down in Burke. Ned is of

e Maitland, with

English yeoman, where you see an unprincely prince

rd o' the North Countrie; A yeoman o' Kent, with

f malicious, intent, "you are quite sure

sit

a gam

one. He is a fine fellow; as good as gold; as true as steel. Always pol

brother to take a little more care of his sister, that is all. However, after your sneer, I shall say no

only the rain. La! poor things, they will be

there is nothing so dangerous a

y, eagerly; "because then she is frightened

ort the moment the words were out, and turned red, and looked askant, under her pale lashes at Vizard.

Maitland; "come i

ace, not doubting that the public "dea

old maid said to her, grimly, "Now, sit y

u have shown you were sorry; so I am not going to be hard on you: only you must b

w I have done rather wrong, and I won't do it any more; but pray,

and she had tiffed, and made it up, and Zoe had given her a brooch. Hereupon she went for

andpapa left you the money, and you know it is just as well to have a tiff now and then with a ri

d into the past an

t on these occasions of tiff, reconciliation, and present, the girl who received the present was to side in everything with

ey tigh

See-new

ake off your lame

e anybody you don't much care for. Night comes, and then you jump up and dress, and go to a ball, and leave your cold and your fever behind you, because the ball won't

d to her? But you must and shall promise me not to lend her

adroit concession, since she had been wat

you, I will tell you in confidence all the

y; and now her eyes began

a French casement, but a double-sash window-closed at present bec

as wax, drinking; and even when they are tipsy they keep their secrets. But once let them get by themselves and smoke, the very air is soon filled with scandalous secrets none of the ladies in the house ever dreamed of. Their real characters, their true histories, and their genuine sentiments, are loc

t the drawers.

ever did you

a ch

hed up there, liste

iten and wear false hair. There are plenty of coquettes about, ever so much older than I am. I

be cruel! I am

gy," and Shakespeare "damnable iteration," I must draw upon the intelligence of the reader (if any), and he must be pleased to imagine the whole dialogue of those two unguarded smokers repeated to Fanny, and interrupted, commented on at every sal

uls, and more delightful still whe

eeded that presently there came a sharp knock and an impatient voice cried, "Cha