Bab: A Sub-Deb

diary from home, having come back a few

clear a

rkey being very expensive), mashed t

cred for utterance, and my ambitions. Because who is there to whom I can speak them? I am surrounde

conversation was entirely on buying a phonograph for dancing because the music teacher has the m

t, one recognizes that no cou

meone every day. Today helped Ma

ur corps." Mademoiselle sent for me and objected, saying that it was not a theme for a young girl,

omething wrong with me, that love has passed me by? I have had offers of devotion but none that appealed to me, being mostly either too young or not attracting me by physical charm. I am not cold, although frequently a

ast a message from it? To waken in the morning and, looking around the familiar room, to muse: "Today I may see him-on the way to the post office, or rushing past in his

ool does not care for them, consi

demoiselle not feeling well, and

isted one of the younger

chool is to have free tickets, as they are "trying it on the do

glish from now on, to applaud it, but if she is

ther, which is depressing to one of

eeds-nothing wo

9TH. B

y image in my mirr

sick and no Fren

kindness. Reprimanded for cooking in room. School sympathizes with me. We wi

this white paper, so, Dear Diary, is it written on my soul. To others it may be but the tenth of

being off, I am writing by the faint luminosity of a candle. Propped up in bed, my mackinaw coat over my 'robe de

le being in his embrace, his tender arms around one! I refer to t

I am capable of, once aroused, I asked Miss Everett if her cousin had said any

ay be. She is

I should like to see her in t

as I sit here with the soft, although chilly breezes of the night blowing on my hot brow, now I know that this thing that has come to me is Love. Moreover, it is th

But what does it matter? I am small, insignificant. H

itten that word, I buried my face in my hands. There is no hope. None. I shall never see him

me. WE ARE GOING HOME. WE ARE

lle has t

people, as they are having a dinner-dance tonight. Sis had moved into my room, to let one of the

said. "Expel

here through no fault of my own. And I'd thank

me a bitt

and we're recovering from you're being here for the holidays, you

asl

ed up her

ara, all right. And If you think you're going to slip downstairs to

terward mother took a minute fro

he said. "You are too young to understand, but I want every

dance a

put on your dark blue, with a fresh collar, and-it ought to satisfy you, Barbara, that you are at ho

d tone. "I don't care enough about it to

a!" sai

he abandon of my thwarted hopes. "Well, I hope she gets him. Becaus

per age," she said, "if your impertinen

f my mother, and I felt

ing all the time that she does not and ne

you'll keep Leila out of this room, which isn't much bu

think you have no affe

onesty January fi

ool than at home. And I should be a better sister if not condem

y to the door and shut it. Th

e said, "to appeal to your better nature.

st said,

pening," said mother, trying to look pla

chance, which is the Honorable Page Beresford, who is an Englishman visiting here because

oking for a ra

theater when Adrian Egleston looked down into my eyes and although oste

if I can control

I know that Leila is begging to have me sent to Switzerland. L

nd if such is the case, how can I go on with my life? Better far to end it now, than to perchance ma

polygamo

ood girl. My New Year's Resolut

(Adrian's. I had not as yet met the other.) And, as I sat in my chamber, I grew more and more desolate. I love life, although pessimisti

. I thought, if it looked all right, I might hang over the stairs and see

o low, so that when I had got it all hooked about four inches of my lingerie showed. As it had been hard as anything to hook, I was obliged t

o put my hair up on my head, and then, by the se

to Sis's room, which was full of evening wraps but empty, and put on a touch of rouge. With that and

y way down th

ng me a debutante, and staring soulfully into my very heart? Is it but a matter of minutes since Leila found us there, and

Maddie had taken her room. And except for pulling it some

t last into my dull and dreary life. Below, the revelers have gone. The flowers hang their her

, Dear Diary! How full and yet how incomple

s in

home, because he understands somewhat the way they keep me down. But he was away about an order for shells (not sea; war), and I was to bare my chiding alone. I

ving me one of her coldest looks. "Barbara, I w

a sa

Diary, was

attention of Mr. Beresford, in a borrowed dress, wi

he ought to see the worst at the start." She glared, without speaking. "You know," I continued, "it would be a dreadful thing to

disobedience, and now sarcasm. If your father

barrass her, as she was at that moment poring out her tea. I hid my misery behind the morning paper, and there I beheld the fated vision. Had I felt any doubt as to the state of my affections it was settled then.

rian,

perchance the same newspaper to perchance the

that he was but human and probably very conceited. On the other hand, I pride myself on being a good judge of character, and he c

sharply. "I am speaking

ing." And as she made no reply, but rang the bell viciously, I wen

hat sort

and stare

than one sort

ove," she said, eying me, "that peop

yo

I wh

sh to look

e a sweeping gestur

At your age I was an innocent child, not troubling with things that did

e an explosion," I observed. "I

d in ignoring the real things of life while in my presen

ir (which is really the old schoolro

truth? How write it out for my eyes to see? But I m

of the housemaids, for two dollars, throwing in a lace collar when she seemed doubtful, as I had a spec

e other eye, although lacking the fire and passionate look of the original. At the sh

she asked, in a low

mately,"

I've been back three times. Parts of it I know off by hear

y acquaintance with him whatever, she had fallen in love with h

think it would be very expensive, go

us girls tickets to dress the house. Fill it up, you know.

not be cruel. Was there no appreciation of the best in art? Was it indeed true, as Miss Everett has complained, although

my features, I left the store,

again, and judge it with a critical eye.

happened in the single lapse of a few hours? I look in my mirror, and I loo

active, and if it were not for circumstances as they are I would not answer for the consequ

On the contrary,

to say nothing when she makes my bed. And now, with the house full of people dow

But I knew that I must see the play, as mentioned above, even if it became neces

e said, in a s

erribly, Han

ime I gave you some you paid it back in postage stamps, and I haven't w

igidly. "But the next t

o you want?

d decided to lend it to me and then run and tell mother,

t dignified manner. "But I think you are

e no friends, at a time when I needed them most, when I was, as one ma

of anguish have departed. But I was then utterly reckless, a

e the idea of a few dollars at a time doled out to one of independent mind is galling. And how is one to remember what one has done with one's allowance, when it is mostly

h, and having shortly after met Sis on the stairs, I sa

lend me five dollar

But I won't," wa

could not refrain from making a grimace

y, "that that wretched school may b

les home on me. And if you're laid up, you can say good-bye to the dishon

one of the girls, Trudie Mi

chool. Jane was bought up, she said, and I sold it to the cook for f

efore, hung on a

s, gazing only it his dear face, listening to his dear and softly modulated voice, and wondering if, as his eyes swept the audience, they m

ent was th

and white topped shoes completed my outfit, and, my own chapeau showing the effect of a rainstorm on the way home from church while away at sch

tly taken for older than I really am. Then, taking a few roses left from the decorations, and thrusting them carelessly into th

em. For, as usual, I had not been asked, although playing a good game myself, and h

y fifty cents gave me a good seat, from which I opined, alas, that the shop girl had been right and busi

I was always concerned only with the fear that others had overseen and would perhaps tell. But now-I did not care who would see, if only Adrian would put his arms about me. Divine shamelessness! Brave Rapture! For

he footlights and looking apparently square at me, declaimed: "The world owes me a living. I wil

iment, when worn f

with emotion. But I must keep strong if I am to help Adrian in his trouble. The mi

ut on the pink hat and left it on as though absent-minded. There was no one behind me. And, although

apture, it remained on my face, so much so that I flushed and a wo

it is out

lucked a pink rose from a vase-he was in the millionaire's house

of course. Looking over

be de nuit. Below, mother and Sis have just come in, and Smith has slammed the door of the car and gone back

I thought I recognized the footstep.

r absolutely refuses on account of Maddie Mackenzie

a huge bunch of orchids today. She refused me eve

. No business. How can I endure to know that he is suffering, and that I cannot help,

and she would advance my allowance. I offered to manicure her nails for her, but she ref

y I did a desperat

is the wisest c

r. What a wonderful thing it would be if I could save

urage to go on. When he said, "Women today step in where men are afraid to

d, however, as if I cannot give my own money to the heathen, I will give none. Mother tur

s very attentive to Sis. Mother is planing a big wedding, and I fou

stuff

he other night, for he called me "Little Miss Barbara" today,

ler than the other

tionate diminutive," he s

ight do as you have heretofore-reserve you

e-they can talk until they are black in the face, dear Diary, but it is true we do not know any of the British Nobility, exc

put my hair up and put on my blue silk, because while I do not believe in woman using her feminine c

to find Sis in, as I had u

e I knew that you felt no intere

d at me,

sted, Bab. I-what oug

his eyes the horrible truth. He thought me in love w

ul. I stepped back, but he seized

aid. "Dear

ave thrilled at his accents. But, although handsome and

away, and retrea

. "I have sent for you, but not for the reason

ed dumf

said. "You! Wh

of not being little, "I wish you would treat me like almo

ugh to be, if the

autiful, my nose being too short. And as for clothes, I get none except Leila's old things. But Jane Raleigh says there are women like that

en to be

I must tell you now that I do

you send fo

r somewhat. "I can send for the ice man witho

ank

m to a seat in my maturest manner, "I-I want some mon

looked at me wit

gone into the hands of a receiver. But aside from that, Bab, it's a pretty mean tric

. It is against my principals to borrow money, especially from one who has li

ve ten dollars?" I s

a long

re going to touch me for a hundred, anyhow. I-I sup

is not much, and ten dollars is a good d

dly. "And if there is a str

side me, without being a nuisance, an

u believe me young and incapable of affection. But

call a nuisance, don't talk like this. I am but human," he said, "and there is somethin

irls think they are cold and dist

quen

Then they learn that their hea

acing me, "an awful thought has come t

not with you," I sa

since they went out in their perambulators together. But I could see it was a shock

n a smothered voice. And then-"

set, and in a rapt attitude I told him the

last the recital was over, "tha

e have met and we have not. Our eyes have spoken, if not our vocal chords." Seeing his eyes on

I trust it is not painful, because I have stoo

sing to my full height. "I have come to you

those vital words-faced

play?" he as

n his arms-the leading lady, and not at all attractive. Jane Raleigh says that

but if it's any good there's only one way to save it. Advertise. I didn't

, but that is Carter's business. Not walking the floor. Adver

about it,

one will give him work. So he prepares to blow up a millionaire's house, and his sweetheart is in it. He has been to the millionaire for work and been refused

a living. Humph! Still, that's a good line to work on. Look here, Bab, give me a little time

out, but he

do think of something-what then? How are we to know that your beloved

myself to m

is made up," I said. "You think of someth

t me in a

don't believe

. The house is still. I take the dear pictu

my Thespi

s. This morning, while mother and Sis were out I called up the theater and inquired the price of a box. The man asked me to

I shall sit in it alone, and he will perceive me there, and consider that I must be at least twenty, or I would not be there at the theater alone. Hanna

r do I have any luck. I am a broken thing, crushed to ear

seven I rose and with palpitating fingers dressed myself in my best evening frock, which is

ng. But she only looked in and said to try and

r by means of the cellar and the area steps, and on the pavem

ce. Although Adrian started when he

read of this method. But there were no curtains. I therefore sat, turning a stoney profile to the aud

at. I am sure to that he had mentioned me to the company, for one and all t

sneeze. I did this several times, and a lot of people looked annoyed, as though I sneezed because I liked

when stretched out a pathetic figure, with tuber roses and other

ur dollars worth of the evening, but I glanced again and Sis was boring holes into me with her eyes. Only

r deep depths. He was, at the moment, toying with the bowl of roses. He took one out, and while the leading lady was talk

ary!

nd holding it clo

other banged at the door some time a

he is going t

of course tackled him first thing, and when he came upstairs I expected an awfu

n, so you're

e, although m

aid. "I was born for trouble. My advice to th

the slump comes." He thumped himself on the chest. "A hundred and eighty pounds," he

cause I had been bearing my burdens alone, and m

O

tachment between two married peo

hy, of co

er read Pop

-probably, c

s: 'Curse on all laws but

ly laying a hand on my brow.

much of my deep passion for Adrian, but merely that I had formed an attachment for hi

deep nature, and that I would be true to the end. But he refused to give

anyhow, maybe if you met this fellow and talked to him, you would find him a disappointment. Many a pr

vident that I do not inherit my being true as steel from him. Nor from my mother,

ONG HERE. I am not like them. I do not even resemble them in features. And, if I belonged to them, w

idden reason, have brought me here, taking away the real I to perhaps languish unseen and "waste my sweetness on the des

not to be scolded, as I felt far from well

things," I said, when he was going. "I se

chic

an I have, will you give it to me, or

" he exclaimed. "Com

do what yo

ee if mother was near. Then, dea

ab. I guess I'll

s) very dignified and nothing much to say. Evidently have promised fat

ge of proposing

sin's wedding! Is coming over. We shall

How shall I write it? Thi

hough accustomed to such things all my life. I have concealed under the mattress a r

hilly-or I am-and by putting out my h

she keeps her door locked now when not in her room. Which is ridiculous, because I am not her type, and her things do not s

wl I put them on. It does not hurt violets to wear them, and anyhow I knew Carter Brook

emarked that I

I said, in a

b," she observed, "I woul

at. For Jane, although my best friend

ok changed?"

b, I believe you are

sch

t on, looking into my very soul. "I have e

then a man ahead who walked like Adrian, I was

" she

I breathed again. But Jane was watching m

ught-Jane, I have m

and stopped dead. "

s an

e, in a tense voice

. "Jane, my heart is breaking. I am not al

re trembling all over. Hold

to see him a

ll overcame me. My eye

ermination to stick to him, no matter what.

ied, in amazement. "Why B

thy than usual, I violated my v

I said, I showed her the sachet

ou are the type men like, for one thing. But there is one thing I could not stand, in your place-having to k

al going on within me, between love and duty. Should I do as instructed and see him no more, thus crus

ic

im. But I daresay, if you bought some theater tickets and did not say what the pl

ept that I waited in a pharmacy, and Jane we

not tell you which one, because it's to be a surpri

chocolates to take along, but I could eat none. I was t

e front row, he smiled although in the midst of a serious speech

can see that he adores you. He is acting for you. All the

not yet met, and she said I could d

at you are true, in spite

last I wrote one on my visiting card, holding it so she could not read it. Jane is my best friend

wonderful. And you are perfectly splendid in it.

The girl o

ter as any one might read, and contained nothing compromising. Still, I daresay I s

give it to the usher. But Jane did. How

nd said Mr. Egleston hoped I would go back and see him after the a

Do you

ater. I seemed to be thirsty all the time. So she got i

o along, but I refrained fro

thing he says, Bab. I

very heart in my eyes, in spite of my efforts to seem cool and collected. He, in front of his mirror, drawing in the

ntered, and took

e said. "

e treated like a chair or table. And he h

ay go in my life, but never again will

f the rose-but it's violets today,

lmer, but glad to sit down, ow

is magnifice

st a moment, I have to make a change here. No need

amed. What I reflected, would the School say if it but knew! I felt no remorse. I was there, and beyond the screen

s true feelings. The woman who is the adventuress in the play came to the door, but he motioned her away with a wave of t

I cannot close this record o

24TH. Co

esford and said he would not come to the house. So I have asked him to meet me

, and he has a fine plan.

Adrian a living, and that the way to do i

nd demand work. Not ask for it. Demand it. He could pretend to be sta

sorry for him and gave

d'you see, so they'll throw him out. And we'll have Reporters there, so the story can get around. You get it, don't you? Your friend, in order to prove that the idea of the play is right,

t him to such humiliation. I would not hav

s. Result, a jam that night at the performance, and a new lease of life for the Play. Egleston comes on, bruised and battered, and perha

imed. "Really brui

at me im

to play up. And if your young man won't stand a bang in the eye, f

to-to throw him out?" I

d and sta

him the scheme, and then let his manager work it out. And tell him who I am

he only glanced bitterly at the windows and observed that they had taken

ever had a mat wit

gentle and kindhearted, and it would be painful

dly treated will do anything. But if approached in the wrong way, or a

giving a man work, even so tou

is in a terrible temper. He says Sis can't marry him, because he is sure ther

fight," he shouted. "Or he could at least do an honest da

forbid him the house?" L

"I suppose I can't keep him from swilling tea w

your bank account, you mean. I don't object to that, father

erely set her lips and said nothing. But when Beresford

y for getting married, so there would be an incr

have se

cutting the ends off cigars in a viscious manner. Mother was NON ES

does, like ice cream, all at once and all over. I sat perfectly st

ent address me in an

il's making y

hink, sir," I

rather a small nose to b

delicate nose, slightly arched and long enough to be truly aristocratic. Not re

what is not my own fault, but partly hereditary and partly carelessness. For if

se. As a matter of fact, it's a good nose. It's exactly the sort of nose

ry well, dear Diary, and s

me sit down on his knee. "Don't tell me t

nose," I s

, and he kissed it, and told me I was a little fool, and at

ll you do m

bout landed the new order for shells for the English War Department. I-suppose

ut what was fifty dollars to doing so

you know Miss Everet

mbered

o do her a great favor?

ort of

ery fond of her cousin, and anxious to h

off and s

x alone!" he exclaimed. "You incomprehensi

ould do my part to help Miss Everett's cousin's play succeed. And as a result I was dragged h

r as that, chicken. Well, I won't finance the

e when I told him Carter Brook

e world doesn't owe the fellow a living, unless he will hustle around and make it. In the second place

lot of noise, and Capitol is too dignified to say

zed a

put your finger on it, i

an when he comes to you for work? He

voice. "Well, let him come. I can stand up for my

e won. I am very happy. How true it is t

e a decayed gentleman, and father will refuse to give him work. I

to tell some reporters that there may be a story at t

rbidden to go o

ng talk. He says he has kept it a secret because he did not want his busines

n hardly wait to tell fat

ou can see why. This is a thing for men to settle. Besides, it is a delicate matter. Mr. Archibald

k tone. "If you British don't beat an

d her hand under the t

ishes, and after-dinner coffee sets and plates and a grand piano and a set of gold vases and a cabushion

g-how weary an

sed m

intend to give

es. "Do I look like one who would give

en I think of the way he looked at you, and the tones of his voic

ber silence.

etests the hero

her," I said

annah to bring some ice wa

ay," said Jane, wh

an

the woman that plays the A

venturess was at least thirty and perhaps more. Beside

then came in the most maddening w

two days," she said. "Your head's hot. I think

ion, "Miss Barbara is worried, not ill. A

telling Hannah to go.

s Jane," she said. "You'll

out, slammi

tinence. Old servant or not, she

had a headache, but she helped me into my street things, and got Si

do, and he'd give a couple of reporters the word to hang around fath

ll do it?" he asked. "We don

," I said. "When he makes a pr

to make a lot of fuss. The more the better. I'll see the policeman at the mill, and he'll

his profession to advertize, even if indirectly? What if he preferred the failure of

and will sacrifice anything for success. No, men are likely to turn on the ones they love best, if the smallest things do not suit t

, as I turned away,

ture toward my forehead. It did ache, for

r calling me cruel and even sneaking, I went to Adrian's hotel, which I had learned of during my sean

hen five

t was but five hours ago that I sat and waited, while people who guessed not the inner

ding along in that familiar walk, swinging his strong and tender ar

of me. "I knew I was going to be l

y," I said. I could

t you mustn't sit here. What do you s

lthough somewhat uneasy also, owing to the possibility of the family coming in. But it did not and I had a truly happy hour, not at all spo

I DI

But when I told him of Carter being in the advertizing business, and father ownin

tampede. But I'd like to see Mr. Brooks. We can't have it fail, you know." He leaned over

, drawing back.

leaning ove

"what makes you so in

iary,

venturess was staring in the door at

not consider my nose too short. We had a long dispute about this. He thinks I am wrong and says I am not an aquiline type. He says I am romantic and

sat down with us, and ordered a whiskey and soda. My blood turned cold, for f

I had made, and the manager said "Bully" and raised his glass to drink to me I looked across a

sed in m

dress up like a gentleman in hard luck," and his saying: "Well, I ho

lephone rings I have a chill. And in between times I dr

onight and I cannot appeal to him. Susan Paget said I was drinking too, and mot

I write what has happe

o ask for something, and so on, that it was Adrian, and threw him out. He ordered him out first, and Beresford refused to go, and they had words, and then there was a fight

, and with shaking knees I went to the telephone. Adrian went

loped with me. It is almost time now for

orrible. But what is a sickness of the body compared to the agony of my mind? Oh,

to help another who did not deserve to be helped. But if he deceived me

ll write out the tragedy of this day, omitting nothing. The trained nu

way and be a trained nurse. It is easy work, although sleeping on a cot is not always comfortable. But at le

help the sick, and perhaps go to the front. I kn

s and vicissitudes. My heart has bled until it can bleed no more, as a

inning. I left off where

I rose and dressed myself. I felt that something had slipped, and I must fi

I had no time to think of myself. I slipped downstairs and outside the drawing room I he

the adv

, I listened. Oh, Dia

Time is flying. In a half hour the perf

, in a stiff manner. "What can my

d. "She knows, alright. And I'd like to s

is in the house

found them together. She had some sort of a scheme, he said afterwards, and he wrinkled a coat under his mattress last night. He said it was to look as if he had

a frigid tone. "Am I to understan

my Hu

did not. I stood there, with my heart crushed, until I felt strong

d at me strangely when she saw my fa

on the earth is the matt

was de

two dollars for a taxi and let me g

all she had, and I rushed down the s

ot bare to think that I, in my desire to help, had ruined Miss Everett's cousin's play. Luckily I got a taxi at the corner, and I ordered it to drive

on occasion. What if, maddened by his mistake about Beresford, he had, on being approached by Adrian, been drive

h good intentions

day. The mill was going, but the offices were closed. Father, then, was immured in the safety o

thirsty, so I went to the hydrant in the yard and got a drink of water.

w one who did not know me, as I am away at school most of the time, and the fa

ever, and he stood st

es. "I am looking for a-for a gentleman wh

up here this morning, Miss," he s

heart

ve been kind of mixed-up around here today, owing to a li

not describe him, besides having a terrible headache. So I ask

But I could not stay to converse, as it was then

him I fled on the wings of misery in the street ca

d. "Where have you and y

er. "He is at his hotel, I believe, putting

eye either? I refer to Mr. Egleston. It is time for the curtain to go up

suddenly, "you look awful

ped my

him, but I have ruined Miss Everett's cousin's play unless he

ab, they're not going to do that, are

ind to be my friends until proven otherwise. But there was

here he is and you will not t

my hand on his ar

over or something. But I saw Beresford going in, and I-well, I suggested that he'd better walk in on your father or he wouldn't get in. It worked, Bab. HOW IT DID WORK! He went in and said he had come to ask your f

hit him, and got a response. I

. But what were

Or to the fight at the mill. I heard only Adrian's possible tragic fate. Suddenly I collapsed, and

ll a deep mystery, and remaining such, while I had a warm sponge to bring out

akened and feeling better, my father came tonight an

him out, BUT HAD GIVEN HIM A JOB IN THE MILL. And the Policeman had given him no chance to escape, which he attem

a wheelbarrow back and forth containing

ased, as father was in hiding from reporters, a

e the theater remained dark, a

have also ruined Mi

k I will enter a hospital. My car

do manual labor for hours, although unaccustomed to it. He is a great actor, and I believe has a fut

nurse sleeps, and I reflect about many things.

zerland, said it in a strange manner,

Bab-I don't want yo

D HE ME

ed, I daresay. Perhaps it is as well