EYES OPEN

do I

d me that in a

want to go for our anniversary. Small questions. The kind that feel like love when someone is asking them and feel l

to Rhys: C

ee

h

Somewher

lled Archer's on Cl

ie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling and do

d let myself feel the full weight of what this is. Two years. I gave this man two years of my life, my body, my loyalty,

f the bed

g

inst my eyes and bre

s. That is

the kitchen table with my laptop and a g

elings. O

one. Evidence gathere

ys. Confirm we are aligned. D

through that door. No coldness, no distance, no anything that tells him I know

tirely proud of but also not sorry about. Step four is the pa

op at midnight a

er than I ha

e Friday evenin

y favourite flower when he has done something worth feeling guilty about. The last time he b

ng them over with that smile. T

the cheek and take them to the kitchen to find

I call from

ropping onto the couch.

ending two nights with hi

have no idea what is coming, and something about th

. I am the perfect wife, attentive and warm and completely present, and not once does Derek Vann look across the tabl

ches across the tab

night together in a while," he say

know so well, every line, every expression, the way

" I say. "We sh

smi

sleep beside me, breathing slow and even,

Clement St

his voice is probably low from the economy of his texts, know he is the kind

have seen of him, he looks like

lf that is

ly strategy. Two people with a share

nightstand. I grab it fa

age fr

. Her whole social medi

quietly in t

s has been going on sin

that

he marr

k walked down the aisle already know

ted and painful and I breathe th

k

lies imm

you

ve never been in the same room with, the fact that he thinks to a

yes

be, I t

writes ba

beside me, sighs in his sleep, reac

ot mov

ot move cl

. Tomorrow everyt