The $30,000 Bequest, and Other Stories

ain four of the gifts, but

It was ignorant, but trusted me, asking me t

e me! What is

ve deserved: the want

T WRITIN

ublished Au

pewritten sheet, faded by age, containing the f

d, March

n that I never could write a letter with it to anybody without receiving a request by return mail that I would not only describe the machine, but state what

her he really had a typewriter as long ago as that. Mr. Clemens replied that

QUARTO, FLOR

e for me, but it goes very well, and is going to save time

e as well as to the rest of us. At the beginning of that interval a type-machine was a curiosity. The person who owned one was a curiosity, too. But now it is the other way about: the person who doesn't own one is a curiosity. I saw a typ

that we did not believe. So he put his type-girl to work, and we timed her by the watch. She actually did the fifty-seven in sixty seconds. We were partly convinced, but said it probably couldn't happen again. But it did. We timed the girl over and over again-with the

ugh-that the first type-girl must naturally take rank with the first billiard-player: neither of them could be expected to get out of the game any more than a third or a half of what was in it. If the machine survived-_if

ould turn that boy's adventure out at the rate of twelve words a minute; then I resumed the pen, for business, and

Bok, who was a boy then. I was not acquainted with him at that time. His present enterprising spirit is not new-he had it in that early day. He was accumulating autographs, and was not content with mere signatures, he wanted a whole autograph letter. I furnished it-in type-written capitals

t I was the first person in the world that ever had a telephone in the house for practical purposes; I will now claim-until dispossessed-that I was the first person in the world to apply the type-machine t

haracter, so I thought I would give it to Howells. He was reluctant, for he was suspicious of novelties and unfriendly toward them, and he remains so to this day. But I persuaded him. He had

oachman, Patrick McAleer, who was very grateful, because he did not know the animal, and thought I was trying to make him wiser and better. As

WITHOUT

n how, also too busy when I am busy, and too indolent when I am not; wherefore some will imagine that I am having a dull time of it. But it is not so. The "help" are a

t is no matter; I get a new one out of the paper before breakfast, and thrill the domestics with it while it lasts. I have no dictionary, and I do not want one; I can select words by the sound, or by orthographic aspect. Many of them have French or German or English look, and these are the ones I ensl

le my words and phrases are good for one day and train only, I have several that stay by me all the time, for some unknown reason, and these come very handy when I get into a long conversation and need things to fire up with in monotonous stretches. One

o saturate it with a feeling verging upon actual delight. Then came a change that was to be expected: the appetite for news began to rise again, after this invigorating rest. I had to feed it, but I was not willing to let it make me its helpless slave again; I determined to p

one-liners and two-liners-and that was good too; for without these, one must do as one does with a German paper-pay out precious time in finding

or blood and garbage, and the result is that you are daily overfed and suffer a surfeit. By habit you stow this muck every day, but you come by and by to take no vital interest in it-indeed, you almost get tired of it. As a rule, forty-nine-fiftieths of it concerns strangers only-people away off yonder, a thousand miles, two thousand miles, ten thousand miles from

d news there was not too much, but just about enough. I subscribed. I have had no occasion to regret it. Every morning I get all the news I need for the day; sometimes from the headlines, sometimes from the text. I have never had t

o dei Bea

el Re all' Os

England. The second line seems to mean that they enlarged the King at the Italian

rno dei

Ro

le Principessine Reali si atten

nutes before twenty-three o'clock. The telegram seems to say, "The Sovereigns and the Roya

he twenty-four hours without breaking bulk. In the following ad, the theaters open at

olli de

RGOLA-(Ore 20,3

gnia drammatica Drago

20,30)-Spett

hiesa Russa - In coda al Direttissimo - Vedute di Firenze con gran movimeno - Amer

n. 4.-Programma straordinario,

al, too-except the remark about the Inauguration of a Russi

vertisements, there is no room for the crimes, disasters, and general sweepings of the

rinci

e con un

ncipessa Schovenbare-Waldenbure scomparve il

ipassa h

the added detail that she departed with her coachman. I hope Sarebbe has not mad

also a couple of accide

azia Sul Po

passava dal Ponte Vecchio, stando seduto sopra un barroccio carico di verdura, perse l'

adini, che, per mezzo della pubblica vettura

della gamba destra e alcune lievi escoriazioni giud

55, of Casellina and Torri, while standing up in a sitting posture on top of a carico barrow of vedure (foliage? hay? v

n?) by several citizens, who by means of public

enough, since there was nothing the matter with the other one-and that several are encouraged to hope t

I hope s

; you are chasing an alert and gamy riddle all the time, and the baffling turns and dodges of the prey make the life of the hunt. A dictionary would spoil it. Sometimes a single word of doubtful purport will cast a veil of dreamy and golden uncertainty over a whole

I find it without trouble, in the morning paper; a cablegram from Chicago and Indiana

rate in

La PATRIE ha

tinuava a fumare malgrado il diviety, questo spalleggiato dai suoi amici tir`o diversi colpi di rivolt

Wallace, Indiana, had willed to expel a spectator which continued to smoke in spite of the prohibition, who, spalleggiat

arm of the thing, that is the delight of it. This is where you begin, this is where you revel. You can guess and guess, and have all the fun you like; you need not be afraid there will be an end to it; none is possible, for no amount of guessing will ever furnish you a meaning for that word that you can be sure is the right one. All the other words give you hints, by their form, their sound, or their spelling-this one doesn't, this one throws out no hints, this one keeps its secret. If there is even the slightest slight shadow of a hint anywhere, it lies in the very meagerly suggestive fact that "spalle

ctionarial readings, but there is no such work on the market. The existing phrase-books are inadequate. They

N WITH

eens's apart, confusions and uncertainties can arise. He can get the idea that a thing is going to happen next week when the truth is that it has already happened week before last. Even more previously, sometimes. Examination and inquiry showed me that the adjectives and such things were frank an

acquire certainty and exactness in understanding the statements which the newspaper was daily endeavoring to convey to me: I must catch a Verb and tame it. I must find out its ways, I must spot its eccentricities, I must penetrate its dis

ails are quite definitely differentiated; insomuch that an expert can tell a Pluperfect from a Subjunctive by its tail as easily and as certainly as a cowboy can tell a cow from a horse by the like process, the result of observation and culture. I should explain that I am speaking of legitimate verbs, those verbs which in the slang of the grammar are called Regular. There are others-I am not m

immune; after that, no regular verb can conceal its specialty from you and make you think it is working the past or the future or the conditional or t

with that one. Why, I don't know. It is merely habit, I suppose; the first teacher chose it, Adam was satisfied, and there hasn't been a successor since with originality enough to start a fresh one. For they are a pretty limited lot,

d distribute the parts; and drill the troupe, and be ready in three days to begin on this Verb in a shipshape and workman-like manner. I told him to put each grand division of it under a foreman, and each subdivision under a subordinate of the rank of sergeant or corporal or s

was over my size, it being chambered for fifty-seven rounds-fifty-seven ways of saying I love without reloading;

tle more primitive to start with, something less elaborate, some gentle old-fashioned flint-lock, smooth-bore, double-barreled thing, calculated to cripple at two hundred yards and

al at a mile and a half. But he said the auxiliary verb avere, to have, was a tidy thing, and easy to handle in a seaway, and less likely to miss stays in going about than so

l-utility domestic. Mine was a horse-docto

er, the head of the forces appeared at an upper door, and the "march-past" was on. Down they filed, a blaze of variegated color, each squad gaudy in a uniform of its own and bearing a banner inscribed with its verbal rank and quality: first the Present Tense in Mediterranean blue and old gold, then the Past Definite in scarlet and black, then the Imperfect

mmanded th

nt-f

ht d

d at

ree. In uni

fty-seven Haves in the Italian language burst forth in

alee-hard aport! Forward-march

e commander said the instruction drill would

e, if they have something to have; just an object, you know, a something-anything will do; anything that wil

s

d point. Wou

a dog and see. So he sent out an aide-

of Sergeant Avere (to have), and displaying their banner. Th

cane, I ha

cane, thou

n cane, he

un cane, we

n cane, you

un cane, the

urned to camp, and I reflecte

u are disa

sn't natural; it could never happen in real life. A person who had just acquired a dog is either blame' glad or blame

he trouble was wit

ard over people's vines and olives, you know, and are very savage, and thereby a grief and an inconvenience to persons w

ble: we must try something else; something, if poss

t, in Itali

at

ntleman cat

leman

people as regar

, they

is enough. How are t

ward heaven in mute e

ken, in Itali

sy, and conveys reverence and admiration.) "Pollo is one chicken by its

do. Which squad is de

ast De

ickens. And let them understand that we don

with a haunting tenderness in his to

ns." He turned to me, saluting with his hand to his temple, and

ed in and formed up, their faces glowing wi

li, I had

aid. "Go on

i, thou had

e! N

i, he had

ssimo! Go o

lli, we ha

ettatto avanti-l

li, they ha

s, refused the left, and retired in great style

Chickens are the ticket, there is no d

Imper

does

vevi, thou hadst, egli

ad the hads. What

is anoth

d, and your tricking it out in a fresh way of spelling isn't going t

inction-they are not

you make

named and sharp and perfectly definite moment; you use the other when the thing happe

estricts the other one to definite and datable meteoric convulsions, and keeps it pining around and watching the barometer all the time, and liable to get sick through confinement and lack of exercise, and all that sort of thing, why-why, the inhumanity of it is enough, let alone the wanton superfluity and uselessness of any such a loafing consumpti

point. It is lik

ybody that needs twelve, let him subscribe; I don't want any stock in a Had Trust. Kn

It is often quite indisp

xt squad to

usual softened jangle of church-bells, Florentine and suburban, that bursts out in murmurous response; by labor-union law

r a collection, a meeting,

SQUE BI

write an autobiography they would read it when they got leisure, I yiel

when our people were living in Aberdeen, county of Cork, England. Why it is that our long line has ever since borne the maternal name (except when one of them now and then took a playful refuge in an alia

ime. At about the age of thirty he went to one of those fine old English places of resort ca

s he could be, and used to take his old saber and sharpen it up, and get in a convenient place on

e authorities removed one end of him, and put it up on a nice high place on Temple Bar, where it could

soldiers-noble, high-spirited fellows, who always went into battle singing

that our family tree never had but one limb to it, and that tha

ughness of the work spoiled his hand. Still, he enjoyed life all the time he was in the stone business, which, with inconsiderable intervals, was some forty-two years. In fact, he died in harness. During all those long years he gave such satisfaction that he never was through with one contract a week till the government gave him an

tening to go ashore unless there was a change. He wanted fresh shad. Hardly a day passed over his head that he did not go idling about the ship with his nose in the air, sneering about the commander, and saying he did not believe Columbus knew where he wa

ern," he would suggest to Columbus to detail some men to "shift that baggage." In storms he had to be gagged, because his wailings about his "trunk" made it impossible for the men to hear the orders. The man does not appear to have been openly charged with any gravely unbecoming thing, but it is noted in the ship's log as a "curious circumstance" that albeit he brought his baggage on board the ship in a newspaper, he took it ashore in four trunks, a queensware crate, and a couple of champagne baskets. But when he came back insinuating, in an insole

ne and got ye anchor, and toke ye same and solde it to ye dam sauvage

dious jail and put up a gallows, and to his dying day he claimed with satisfaction that he had had a more restraining and elevating influence on the Indians than any other reformer that ever labored among them. At this point the ch

spite of all he could do, his indignation would grow till he could contain himself no longer-and then he would take that ship home where he lived and keep it there carefully, expecting the owners to come for it, but they never did. And he would try to get the idleness and sloth out of the sailors of that ship by compelling them to take invigorating exercise and a bath. He called it "walking a plank." All the pupils like

them that a dog-tooth necklace and a pair of spectacles was not enough clothing to come to divine service in. His poor flock loved him very, very dearly; and when his funeral was over, th

seventeen times at our Washington from behind a tree. So far the beautiful romantic narrative in the moral story-books is correct; but when that narrative goes on to say that at the seventeenth round the awe-stricken savage said

stan' still long enough for a man to hit him. I (hic)

ain, matter-of-fact reason, too, and one that easily commends itself to

hat the Great Spirit was reserving that soldier for some grand mission; and so I somehow feared that the only reason why Washington's case is remembered and the others forgotten is, that in his the prophecy came true, and in that of the oth

John Wentworth Twain, alias Sixteen-String Jack; William Hogarth Twain, alias Jack Sheppard; Ananias Twain, alias Baron Munchausen; John George Twain, alias Captain Kydd; and then there are George Francis Twain, Tom Pepper, Nebuchadnezzar, and Baalam's Ass-they all belong to our family, but to a branc

own too close to your own time-it is safest to speak only vaguely of you

; but I was born without a humpback, likewise, and there I had the adva

is simply wisdom to leave it unwritten until I am hanged. If some other biographies I have read had stopped with the an

TELL

n Development.-Its Difference

y claim to know how a story ought to be told, for I have been almost

one. The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous sto

it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be

art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humor

you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through. And sometimes, if he has ha

you like to call it. Then the listener must be alert, for in many cases the teller will divert attention from tha

ght the joke he would look up with innocent surprise, as if wondering what they had fo

land, France, Germany, and Italy, he italicizes it, puts some whopping exclamation-points after it, and sometimes expl

necdote which has been popular all over the world for twelv

UNDED

the loss which he had sustained; whereupon the generous son of Mars, shouldering the unfortunate, proceeded to carry out his desire. The bullets and cannon-balls were flying in all

u going with

, sir-he's l

ed the astonished officer; "

of his burden, and stood looking down upo

said." Then after a pause he added,

thunderous horse-laughter, repeating that nub from time t

th the telling, after all. Put into the humorous-story form it takes ten minutes, and

and only retard it; taking them out conscientiously and putting in others that are just as useless; making minor mistakes now and then and stopping to correct them and explain how he came to make them; remembering things which he forgot to put in in their proper place and going back to put them in there; stopping his n

ep from laughing outright; and does hold in, but his body quakes in a jelly-like way with interior chuckles; and at the

mulated, and the result is a performance which is thoroughly charming and delicious. This is art-

are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct. Another feature is the slurring of the point. A third

g which he seemed to think was wonderful; then lose confidence, and after an apparently absent-minded pause ad

his head"-here his animation would die out; a silent, reflective pause would follow, then he would sa

o uncertain and treacherous; for it must be exactly the right length-no more and no less-or it fails of its purpose and makes trouble. If the pause is t

the right length precisely, I could spring the finishing ejaculation with effect enough to make some impressible girl deliver a startled little yelp and jump out of her seat-and th

GOLD

En bimeby she died, en he tuck en toted her way out dah in de prairie en buried her. Well, she had a golden arm-all solid

her up en got de golden arm; en he bent his head down 'gin de win', en plowed en plowed en plowed thoo de snow. Den all on a s

wind), "Bzzz-z-zzz"-en den, way back yonder whah de grave is, he hear a voice!-he hear a voice all mix' up in de win

t blow in his face en mos' choke him, en he start a-plowin' knee-deep toward home mos' dead, he so sk'yerd-en poo

git to de house he rush upstairs en jump in de bed en kiver up, head and years, en lay da shiverin' en shakin'-en den way out dah he hear it agin!-e

's a-bendin' down over him-en he cain't skasely git his breath! Den-den-h

stare steadily and impressively into the face of the farthest-gone auditor-a girl, preferably-and let that awe-inspiring pause begin

ght out of her shoes. But you must get the pause right; and you will find it

NGTON'S NEGRO

aphical

of him; we have never ceased to hear of him at stated, unfailing intervals. His was a most remarkable career, and I have thought that its history would make a valuable addition to our biographical literature. Therefore, I have carefully collated the materials fo

out this long term his high regard and confidence, it became his sorrowful duty at last to lay that beloved master to rest in his peaceful grave by the Potoma

llect was unimpaired, and his memory tenacious, up to within a few minutes of his decease. He was present at the second installation of

of General Washington until May, 1825, at which time he died

hours of his dissolution he was in full possession of all his faculties, and could distinctly recollect the second installation of Washington, his death and burial, t

exhibited in great state upon the rostrum of the orator of the day, and in November of

C OF THE REVO

nd distinctly recollected the first and second installations and death of President Washington, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battles of Trenton and Monmouth, the sufferings of the patriot army at Valley Forge, the proclamation of the De

July celebrations in various parts of the country, and was exhibited upon the rostrum with flatter

OLD HE

orehouse of interesting reminiscences. He could distinctly recollect the first and second installations and death of President Washington, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battles of Trenton and Monmouth, an

ntil we learn the contrary, it is just to presume that he died permane

D REMNANT OF THE

e could distinctly remember the first and second installations and death of Washington, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battles of Trenton and Monmouth, and Bunker Hill, the proclamation of the Declarati

and sleeps peacefully, as only they sleep who have earned their rest. He was in all respects a remarkable man. He held his age better than any celebrity that has f

ied at the age of 95. This could not have been. He might have done that once, or maybe twice, but he could not have continued it indefinitely. Allowing that when he first died, he died at the age of 95, he was 151 years old when he died last, in 1864. But his age did not keep pace with his recollections. When he died the last time

etch had gone from us reliably and irrevocably, I now publish his biog

are tired of it; let it cease. This well-meaning but misguided negro has now put six different communities to the expense of burying him in state, and has swindled tens of thousands of people into following him to the grave under the delusion that a select and pecu

ONS OF THE "T

es me to hear about so many gifted infants in these days, and remember that I seldom said anything smart when I was a child. I tried it once or twice, but it was not popular. The family were not expecting brilliant remarks from me, and so they snubbed me sometimes and spanked me the rest. But it makes my flesh creep and my blood run cold to think what might have happened to me if I had dared to utter some of the smart things of this generation's "four-year-olds" where my father could hear me. To have simply skinned me alive and considered his duty at an end would have seemed to him criminal leniency toward one so sinning. He was a ster

n, for I was tired of trying to cut my teeth on people's fingers, and wanted to get hold of something that would enable me to hurry the thing through and get something else. Did you ever notice what a nuisance it was cutting your teeth on your nurse's finger, or how back-breaking and tiresome it was trying to cut them on your big toe? And did you never get out of patience and wish your teeth were in Jerico l

name. My grandfathe

ther

ery well. Let us have Abra

sa

uits the s

my mother looked pl

ttle darli

ther

name, and Jacob

assented

Let us add Isaac and

sa

r yours truly. Pass me that rattle, if you ple

t like other children when developing intellectually, I was now furiously scowled upon by my father; my mother looked grieved and anxious, and even my aunt had about her an expression of seem

a very exce

and other matters which I was accustomed to examine, and meditate upon and make pleasant noises with, and bang and batter and break when I needed wholesome entertainment. Then I put on my little frock and my

, cannot wear the

so

mean it.

hy

invincible antipa

ble. Many great and good m

to hear of the

el the prophet. Was n

so

s own voice the

call him a couple time

mation; and by means of this compromise my father's wrath was appeased and a misunderstanding bridged over which might have become a permanent rupture if I had chosen to be unreasonable. But just judging by this episode,

RTAININ

agraph from an article i

CRITIC ON

ennsylvania clergyman who sadly returned his Innocents Abroad to the book-agent with the remark that "the man who could shed tears over the tomb of Adam must be an idiot." But Mark Twain may now add a much more glorious instance to his string of trophies. The Saturday Review, in its number of October 8th,

full in these pages. I dearly wanted to do it, for I cannot write anything half so delicious myself. If I had a ca

ndon "Saturd

S OF N

of Travels. By Mark Twain. Lo

extravagant work. Macaulay died too soon-for none but he could mete out complete and comprehensive justice to the

describe the imposing insanity of this work. There is no word that is large enough or long enough. Let us, therefore, photograph a passing glimpse of book and author, and trust the rest to the reader. Let the cultivated English stu

haved, and the first "_rake_" the barber gave him with his r

oad again, pointed him right, remounted, and went to sleep contentedly till it was time to restore the beast to the path once more. He states that a growing youth among his ship's passengers was in the constant habit of appeasing his hunger with soap and oakum between meals. In Palestine he tells of ants that came eleven miles to spend the summer in the desert and brought their provisions with them; yet he shows by his description of the country that the feat was an impossibility. He mentions, as if it were the most commonplace of matters, that he cut a Moslem in two in broad daylight in Jerusalem, with Godfrey de Bouillon's sword, and would have shed more blood if he had had a graveyard of his own. These statements are unworthy a moment's attention. Mr. Twain or any other foreigner who did such a thing in Jerusalem would be mobbed, and would infallibly lo

ss ignorance, "foreigners always spell better than they pronounce." In another place he commits the bald absurdity of putting the phrase "tare an ouns" into an Italian's mouth. In Rome he unhesitatingly believes the legend that St. Philip Neri's heart was so inflamed with divine love that it burst his ribs-believes it wholly because an author with a learned list of university degrees strung after his name endorses it-"otherwise," says this gentle idiot, "I should have felt a curiosity to know what Philip had for dinner." Our author makes a long, fatiguing journey to the Grotto del Cane on purpose to test its poisoning powers on a dog-got elaborately ready for the experiment, and then discovered that he had no dog. A wiser person would have kept such a thing discreetly to himself,

ew where to begin, we certainly would not know where to leave off. We will give one specimen, and one only. He did not know, until he got to Rome, that Michael Angelo was dead! An

s absolutely dangerous, considering the magnitude and variety of its misstatements, and the conv

groping sort of comprehension is a proper thing for a traveled man to be able to display. But what is the manner of his study? And what is the progre

that that is St. Matthew. When we see a monk sitting on a rock, looking tranquilly up to heaven, with a human skull beside him, and without other baggage, we know that that is St. Jerome. Because we know that he a

s with accustomed simplicity that he feels encouraged to believe that when he has seen "Some More" of each,

the author talks of his own country and lets Europe alone, he never fails to make himself interesting, and not only interesting but instructive. No one can read without benefit his occasional chapters and paragraphs, about life in the gold and silver mines of California and Nevada; about the Indians of the plains and deserts of the West, and their cannibalism; about the raising of vegetables in kegs of gunpowder by the aid of two or three teaspoons

month

k paper, one is from a letter from an old friend, and one is from a letter from a New York publisher who is a stranger to me. I humbly endeavor to make these bits toothsome with the remark that th

t before we read it that it must be "serious," as everybody said so, and were even ready to shed a few tears; but since perusing it, we ar

compliment like

overed what an ass I must have been. If suggestions are in order, mine is, that you put that article in your next edition of the Inn

commendation from

s I read his article in The Galaxy, I could imagine him giving vent to many a hearty laugh. But he is writing for Catholics and Established Church people, and high-toned, an

friend and comrade, and with my feet together and my fingers spread

ary breakfast by a stolid, ponderous British ogre of the quill was too much for a naturally weak virtue, and I went home and burlesqued it-reveled in it, I may say. I never saw a copy of the real Saturday Review criticism until after my burlesque was written

ship of the article in question are entirely true. Perhaps I may get wealthy at this, for I am willing to take all the bets that offer; and if a man wants larger odds, I will give him all he requires. But he ought to find out w

le thought that I w

ing of all-this easy, graceful, philosophical disquisition, with h

lavor of the Partaga is too delicate for palates that have been accustomed to Connecticut seed leaf. So it is with humor. The finer it is in quality, the more danger of its not being recognized at all. Even Mark Twain has be

e reason to fear will not, in some quarters, be considered to amount to much, coming from an American, I will aver that an Engl

ll l

laims that he wrote the criticism himself, and published it in The Galaxy to sell the public. This is ingenious, but unfortunately it is not true. If any of our readers will take the trouble to call at this office we sill show them the

fied time I fail to produce at the same place a copy of the London Saturday Review of October 8th, containing a lengthy criticism upon the Innocents Abroad, entirely different, in every paragraph and sentence, from the one I published in The Galaxy, I will pay to the Enquirer agent another five hundred dollars cash. I offer Sheldon & Co., publishers, 500 Broadway, New York, as my "backe

HE SECRETARY

he-Hudson, OCT

ary Of The Treasury

altitude which puts them out of the reach of literary persons in stra

nment bonds, suitable for furnace,

enbacks, range size,

0 cent postal currency, vintage

patch at my house in Riverdale at lowe

liged s

l be very grateful,

D OBIT

HE E

uses in order at the same time has been marred by the necessity for haste and by the confusion and waste of time arising from the inability of the notary and the ecclesiastic to work together harmoniously, taking turn about and giving each other friendly assistance-not perhaps in fielding, which could hardly be expected, but at least in the minor off

of only one of these matters at this time: Obituaries. Of necessity, an Obituary is a thing which cannot be so judiciously edited by any hand as by that of the subject of it. In such a work it is not the Facts that are of chief importance, but th

he press, access to my standing obituaries, with the privilege-if this is not asking too much-of editing, not their Facts, but their Verdicts. This, not for

h journals and periodicals as have obituaries of me lying in their pigeonholes, with a view to sudden use some day, will not wait longer, but w

with clauses of a more judicious character. I should, of course, expect to pay double rates for both the omissions and the substitutions; and I should a

perennial consolation and entertainment to my family, and as an heirloom whi

this Advertisement (1t-eow, aga

ry respe

k T

et-I desire to offer a Prize, consisting of a Portrait of me done entirely by myself in pen and

MENT T

New York, that we get up a monument to Adam, and that Mr. Beecher favored the project. There is

ft Adam out altogether. We had monkeys, and "missing links," and plenty of other kinds of ancestors, but no Adam. Jesting with Mr. Beecher and other friends in Elmira, I said there seemed to be a likelihood that the world would discard Adam and accept the monk

business gravity injected into it. The bankers discussed the monument with me. We met several times. They proposed an indestructible memorial, to cost twenty-five thousand dollars. The insane oddity of a monument set up in a village to preserve a name that would outlast the hills an

a would be a Mecca; there would be pilgrim ships at pilgrim rates, pilgrim specials on the continent's railways; libraries would be written about the mo

ne subscribed half as much, but I do not remember with certainty now whether

lty to him in this dark day of humiliation when his older children were doubting and deserting him. It seemed to me that this petition ought to be presented, now-it would be widely and feelingly abused and ridiculed and cursed, and would advertise our scheme and make our ground-floor stock g

ld have managed it without any great difficulty, and Elm

for a monument to Adam, and now the Tribune has come upon a trace of the forgotten jest of thirty years ago. Ap

WORD FR

ting to come from him, we have reason to believe

OR OF HARPE

as been conscience-money, as my books will show: then what becomes of the sting when that term is applied to Mr. Rockefeller's gift? The American Board's trade is financed mainly from the graveyards. Bequests, you understand. Conscience-mon

t city who doesn't perjure himself every year before the tax board. They are all caked with perjury, many layers thick. Iron-clad, so to speak. If there is one that isn't, I desire to acquire him for my museum, and will pay Dinosaur rates. Will you say it isn't infraction of the law, bu

-off personal tax; therefore it is the wages of sin; therefore it is my money; therefore it is I that contribute it; and, finally, it is therefore as I have sai

TA

GUIDE OF THE CONVERSATION

dro C

the English language lasts. Its delicious unconscious ridiculousness, and its enchanting naivete, are as supreme and unapproachable, in their way, as are Shakespeare's sublimities. Whatsoever is p

ws, and in erudite and authoritative philological periodicals; and it has been laughed at, danced upon, and tossed in a blanket by nearly every newspaper and magazine in the English-speaking world. Every scribbler, almost, has had his little fling at it, at one time or another; I had mine fifteen years ago. The book gets out of pri

lieved he knew something of the English language, and could impart his knowledge to others. The amplest proof of this crops out somewhere or other upon each and every page. There are sentences in the book which could have been manufactured by a man in his right mind

man, an honest man, a man whose conscience is at rest, a man who believes he has done a high

her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptation of the studio

To prove that this is true, I will open it at random and c

LOG

SEE T

pany they gentilsmen,

all that is it r

nothing what can to merit your attention. Here w

udside, after we shall go in

ter piece gothi

they figures is a

e nave are not le

palace how

the to

wer here at

he Obse

t have ten arches, and is

ery layed out by

circuit of

leag

t also hos

t fai

edifices the wor

spectacle's hall, the Cu

h that the public pawnbroker's office, the pl

e for another d

LOG

ONE'SELF O

ilman who you di

Ger

nk him En

the Sax

he french

s, they believe him Italyan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen believe

d that that individual is the author of this book, Senhor Pedro Carolino. I am sure I should not find it difficult "to enjoy well s

TO LITT

rs for every trifling offense. This retaliation should onl

a costly China one, you should treat her with a show of kindness nevertheless. And you ought not to attempt to

wo dollars and a half you find floating down the river on a grindstone. In the artless simplicity natural to this time of life, he will regard it as

l spoil his clothes. It is better to scald him a little, for then you obtain desirable results. You secure his immediate attention to the lessons

better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then a

lege of staying home from school when you let on that you are sick. Therefore you ought to respect their little pre

ence for the aged. You ought never to "sas

RTEM PO

aily Philadelphia Ledger must frequently be touched by these plaintive tributes to extinguished worth. In Philadelphia, the departure of a child is a circumstance which is not more surely followed by a burial than by the accustomed solac

I

the daughter of Ephraim and Laura

shout no

ing chil

rms are aro

upon m

drop upo

s are sea

ow could I g

but t

ed. From the Ledger of the same date I make the foll

ohn P., infant son of George and Julia B

shout no

ing chil

rms are rou

upon m

drop upo

s are sea

ow could I g

but t

is remarkably evidenced by the singular similarity of thought which they experienc

me date, I find the following

., the son of William L. and Martha T

shout no

ing chil

rms are rou

upon m

drop upo

s are sea

w could I giv

but t

ountable depression of the spirits. When we drift further down the column and read the poetry about little Johnnie, the depression and spirits acquires an added emphasis, and we experi

ed to above) I find the followi

William B. Welch, and daughter of Catharine and

dear, a m

nd left us

ep, for tea

ar is out

usband, chi

God with f

e in the l

peace, and

e first stanza by the surviving relatives, and no more concise and comprehensive program of farewells, post-mortuary general orders, etc., could be fr

15th inst., Mary E., daughte

to rest in

my change

l hover ro

my spi

ntly the customary form

inst., Michael Bu

her, thou h

loss we d

od that ha

l our sor

t 2 o'clo

, seems to be the usual form for consumptives of long standing. (It deplores four disti

f consumption, Philip Bromley

sore long t

ns were

last did hea

d him of

hom death fro

think so so

care now si

r in our bl

n. On the contrary, the oftener one sees it in the

re extract

, Samuel Pervil Worthin

le Sammy

y spiri

boy we lo

ping with

thin a fa

's achin

y tell

d it is

and making him willing to go? Perhaps not. The power of song can hardly be estimated. There is an element about some poetry which is able to make even physical suffering and

of is one that should be adopt

deceased got up a stately funeral. They must have had misgivings that the corpse might not be praised strongly enough, for they prepared some manuscript headings and notes in which nothing was left unsaid on that subject that a fervid imagination and an unabridged dictionary could compile, and these they handed to the minister as he entered the pulpit. They w

who tried to add anythi

backbone and quivering in his marrow. There is no need to say that this poem is genuine and in earnest, for its proofs are written all over its face. An ingenious scribbler might imitate it after a fashion, but Shakespeare himself could not counterfeit it. It is noticeable that the country editor who published it did not know that it was a treasure and the most perfect thing of its

hed by

I

of Samuel and Cathar

. A.

neighbors al

to what I h

eave your c

re small, a

think of th

ened in y

n with a hou

their awf

er she had

em there al

ok fire and

ir mother

s cry the ne

e cry of fi

ore they cou

spirits had f

er he to w

battle-fiel

he think when

arth they wou

rs often to

ve his chi

got some

little ones

he was ye

est only elev

had left the

ighbors, I ha

bear to se

oft has lef

ngle one to

tle ones to t

e look upo

eir little bu

thinks she he

pity, and too

y she kneel

od her to

lead a dif

n earth rem

and her ch

ok from pa

orm and men

may also

t is God's

she be

God and frie

this wor

tten i

ER OF LY

the ticket-

ent insurance

believe not; I am going to be traveling by rail all day toda

oked puzzl

nsurance, and if you are

sha'n't need it. Lying at home in

nd miles, half by sea and half by rail; and the year before that I traveled in the neighborhood of ten thousand miles, exclusively by rail. I suppose if I pu

l be shrewd, and buy an accident ticket." And to a dead moral certainty I drew a blank, and went to bed that night without a joint started or a bone splintered. I go

d deal of money in the accident business, and had nothing to show for it. My suspicions were aroused, and I began to hunt around for somebody that had won in this lottery. I found plenty of people who had invest

preceding twelve months. The Erie road was set down as the most murderous in the list. It had killed forty-six-or twenty-six, I do not exactly remember which, but I know the number was double that of any other

about a million in six months-the population of New York City. Well, the Erie kills from 13 to 23 persons of its million in six months; and in the same time 13,000 of New York's million die i

Therefore it was fair to presume that an average of 2,500 passengers a day for each road in the country would be almost correct. There are 846 railway lines in our country, and 846 times 2,500 are 2,115,000. So the railways of America move more than two millions of people every day; six hundred and fifty millions of people a year, without counting the Sundays. They do

t consequently 25,000 out of every million of people we have must die every year. That amounts to one-fortieth of our total population. One million of us, then, die annually. Out of this million ten or twelve thousand are stabbed, shot, drowned, hanged, poisoned, or meet a similarly violent death in some other popular way, such as perishing by kerosene-lamp and hoop-skirt conflagrations, get

y more chances on those beds. The

n help; but when you have got to stay at home a while, buy a package of

hat ticket-agent in the manner re

hat every day and night of the year full fourteen thousand railway-trains of various kinds, freighted with life and armed with death, go thundering ov

OF KING W

ous ambition to be an artist. I have seen thousands and thousands of pictures in my time-acres of them

g purer and stronger and nobler for it? And Thurlow and Weed's picture in the September number; I would not have died without seeing that, no, not for anything this world can give. But lo

s thoroughly as if I had made them myself; I know every line and mark about them. Sometimes when company are present I shuffle the portraits all up togeth

eres, and so the thing is delayed. Once she said they would have more of the peculiar kind of light they needed in the attic. The old simpleton! it is as dark as a tomb u

more and more facility the pencil, brush, and graver. I am studying under De Mellville, the house and portrait painter. (His name was Smith when he lived in the West.) He does any kind of artist work a

tisfaction. The next month I white-washed a barn. The third, I was doing tin roofs; the forth, common signs; the

me most is the frequent and cordial verdict that it resembles the Galaxy portraits. Those were my first love, my earliest admiration, the original source and incentive of my art-ambition. Whatever I am in Art today, I owe to these portraits. I ask no credit for myself-I dese

ere was not room for side-whiskers and epaulets both, and so I let the whiskers go, and put in the epaulets, for the sake of style. That thing on his hat is an eagle

it can be accomplished, if the course to be pursued be chosen with judgment. I write for that magazine all the time, and so do ma

IONS OF T

like it in the

y about it, which many of the first critics of Arkansa

s very interesti

ore in Venice, at th

in still life I have see

almost called u

r portrayed in a picture

of this work which warms the heart toward it as mu

longing to contemplate the

it-and name your own price. And-would you like to come over and stay awhil

CE OF MAN L

by use and petrified by custom; it is then a pe

e rubbed his hands and broke out with a remark that was charged to the b

ue, and until now seemed to offer no chance for a return jibe: 'An Englishman does dear

on, but as being exhaustively true and profoundly wise; and so it presently takes its place in the world's list of recognized and established wisdoms, and after that no one thinks of examining it to see whether it is really entitled to its high honors or not. I call to mind instances of this i

useful of black wives, or the zareba full of cattle, or the two-score camels and asses, or the factory, or the farm, or the block of buildings, or the railroad bonds, or the bank stock, or the hoarded cash, or-anything that stands for wealth

still exploit it as briskly as ever; and, when a title is not to be had for the money in hand, they buy the husband without it. They must put up the "dot," or there is

man dearly l

this love? I think the thing

ace dearly e

place. Why? On two accounts, I thin

passionate as is that of any other nation. No one can care less for a lord than the backwoodsman, who has had no personal contact with lords and has seldom heard them spoken of; but I will not all

ersonage who is so much talked about. They envy him; but it is Conspicuousness they envy mainly, not the Power that is lodged in his royal quality and position, for they have but a vague and spectral knowledge and apprec

hly understands and appreciates, his eager curiosity and pleasure will be well-sodden with that other passion-envy-whether he suspects it or not. At any time

man going along there?

tion of power and conspicuousn

ee him. Also, if he will pay us an attention we will manage to remember it. Also, we will mention it now

s, the arts, letters, etc., and we stop there. But that is a mistake. Rank holds its court and receives its homage on every round of the ladder,

ed in democracies as well as in monarchies-and even, to some extent, among those creatures whom we impertinently call the Low

Christian world outside of his domains; but he is a matter of indifference to all China. A king, class A, has an extensive worship; a king, class B, has a less extensive worship; class C, class D, class E

shed for his battles, or his strength, or his daring, or his profanity, and is admired and envied by his group. The same with the army; the same with the literary and journalistic craft; the publishing craft; the cod-fishery craft; Standard Oil; U. S. Steel; the class A hotel-and the rest of the alphabet i

lected glory it gets out of it. The king, class A, is happy in the state banquet and the military show which the emperor provides for him, a

riendly way-just as friendly and familiar, oh, you can't imagine

e police parade provided for him by the king, class B, a

sociable, and talking away and laughing and chatting, just the same as if we had been born in the sam

M, and goes home and tells the household about it, and is as grateful and joyful over i

. You have often seen that. If the child were a princess, would that random dog be able to confer the like glory upon her with his pretty compliment? Yes; and even in her mature life and seated upon a throne, she would still remember it, still recall it, still speak of it with frank satisfaction. That charming and lovable German princess and poet, Carmen Sylva, Queen of Roumania, remembers yet that the flowers of the woods and fields "talked to her" when she was a girl, and she sets it down in her latest book; and that the squirrels conferred upon her and her father the valued compliment of not being afraid of them; and "once one of them, holding a nut between its sharp little teeth, ran right up against my father"-it has the very note of "He came right to me and let me pat him on the head"-"and when it saw itself reflected in his boot it was very much surprised, a

rateful exultation, after thirty years, honors and distinctions conferred upon her by the humble, wild creatures of the forest, we are helped to r

ybody seeing him do it"; and as the child felt when the random dog allowed her to pat his head and ostracized the others; and as the princess felt when the wasps spared her and stung the rest; and I felt just so, four years ago in V

s the Herr Mark Twa

ttons when I marked the deference for me evoked in the faces of my fellow-rabble, and noted, mingled with it, a puzzled and resentf

r life have you heard

am to you; I could have put

happy through all his veins. And who was it he stood so close to? The answer would cover all the grades. Sometimes it was a king; sometimes it was a renowned highwayman; someti

or try to. The man who was absent and didn't see him to anything, will scoff. It is his privilege; and he can make capital out of it, too; he will seem, even to himself, to be different from other Americans, and better. As his opinion of his superior Americanism grows, and swells, and concentrates and coagulates, he will go further and try to belittle the distinction of those that saw the Prince do things, and will spoil their pleasure in it if he can. My life has been embittered by that kind of person. If you are able to tell of a special dis

to face around. Now the Emperor knew it would be a difficult ordeal for me, because of lack of practice; and so, when it was time to part, h

something in his mind to take the bloom off that distinction. I enjoyed that, for I judged that he had his work cut out for him. He strugg

ndful of special-bran

saw anything t

much as another minute before he could play; then he sai

en counting the c

ing to him how unkind he is, so long as he

ounts for some of our curious tastes in mementos. It accounts for the large private trade in the Prince of Wales's hair, which chambermaids were able to drive in that article of commerce when the Prince made the tour of the world in the long ago-hair which probably did not always come from his brush, since enough of it

qualid idol of Wantage. There is not a bifurcated animal in that menagerie that would not be proud to appear in a newspaper picture in his company. At the same time, there are some in that organization who would scoff at the people who have been daily pictured in company with Prince Henry, and would say vigorously that they would not consent to be photographed with him-a statement which would not be true in any instance. Ther

d democrats, horny-handed sons of toil and of politics, and fliers of the eagle-there isn't one who is trying to keep out of range, there isn't one who isn't plainly meditating a purch

onversation; but we can't pretend it to ourselves privately-and we don't. We do confess in public that we are the noblest work of God, being moved to it by long hab

r in their lives, have served for a year or two on the staffs of our multitudinous governors, and through that fatality have been generals temporarily, and colonels temporarily, and judge-advocates temporarily; but I have known only nine among them who could be hired to let the title go when it ceased to be legitimate. I know thousands and thousands of governors who ceased to be governors away back in the last century; but I am acquainted with only three who would answer your letter if you failed to call them "Governor" in it. I know acres and acres of men who have done time in a legislature in prehistoric days, but among them is not half a

al. Except one; a pathetic one. That is the ex-Congressman: the poor fellow whose life has been ruined by a two-year taste of glory and of fictitious consequence; who has been superseded, and ought to take his heartbreak home and hide it, but cannot tear himself away from the scene of his lost little grandeur; and so he lingers, and still lingers, year after year, unconsidered, sometimes snubbed, ashamed of his fallen estate, and valiantl

tle. A Senator has no more right to be addressed by it than have you or I; but, in the several state capitals and in Washington, there are five thousand Senators who take very kindly to that

ves "worms of the dust," but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par. We-worm

r-the large man's notice. The pat made him proud and happy, and the exultation inside of him shone out through his eyes; and his mates were there to see the pat and envy it and wish they could have that glory. The boy belonged down cellar in the press-room, the large man was king of the upper floors, foreman of the composing-room. The light in the boy's face was worship, th

s; and sometimes animals, born to better things and higher ideals, descend to man's level in this matter. In the Jard

FROM AD

ng me about. I don't like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals.... Cloud

dness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything myself. The new creature names everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered-it looks like the thing. There is a dodo, for ins

er animals make when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound intruding itself here upo

that, but not any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it looks like a park, and does not look

FF THE

not as happ

too, now, from hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself. This new creature does

and set apart last November as a day of rest. I had already six of them per week befor

was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word and will bear repetition. It says it is no

e whole estate with execrabl

to the

y to Go

the Wind

Summer resort-another invention of hers-just words, without any meaning. What is

I have always done it-always liked the plunge, and coolness. I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other use that

tory. Swam the Whirlpool and the Rapids in a fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious

ater out of the places she looks with. I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things; among others; to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of te

-Pulled

has been climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it. She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient justification

.. She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it; thinks it was intended to live on

ames on to things that don't need them and don't come when they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to her, she is such a numbskull, anyway; so she got a lot of them out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I have notice

-Pulled

d, for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them; and

result, too-it would introduce death into the world. That was a mistake-it had been better to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea-she could save the si

ch haste.... I found this place, outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda-says it looks like that. In fact I was not sorry she came, for there are but meager pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry. It was against my principles, but I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed.... She came curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic. She said I would soon know how it was myself. This was correct. Hungry as I was,

uld have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they were new when I made them. She asked me if I had made one just at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to admit that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this. I was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful it is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!" Then in an instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, "I

t out before there was opportunity for the experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish, but she is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have it to try. I do not understand this. The coming of the creature seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable about experiments. She thinks more of it than she does of any of the other animals, but is not able to explain why. Her mind is disordered-everything shows it. Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it compla

and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. I have not seen a fish before that could laugh. This makes me doubt.... I have come to like

't hop; it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish, though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim or not. It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its feet up. I have not seen any other animal do that befo

y, and has not been catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called it Kangaroorum Adamiensis.... It must have been a young one when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since. It must be five times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented it is able to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary effect. For this reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously told me she wouldn't give it. As already observed, I was not at home when it fi

, and the only sample; this is plain. But I caught a true kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome, would rather have that for company than have no kin at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy from in its forlorn condition here among strangers who do not know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among friends; but it was a mistake-it went into such fits at the sight of the kangaroo that I was convinced it

except upon its head. It still keeps on growing-that is a curious circumstance, for bears get their growth earlier than this. Bears are dangerous-since our catastrophe-and I shall not be satisfied to have this one prowling about the plac

n it ever did before-and mainly at night. I have moved out. But I shall go over, mornings, to breakfast, and see if it has more teeth.

e to words may be purely accidental, of course, and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is still extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do. This imitation of speech, taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear. The f

time, without stirring from the home estate, she has caught another one! I never saw such lu

irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The old one is tamer than it was and can laugh and talk like a parrot, having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty in a highly developed degree. I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of

ear it would have improved him. After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. At first I thought she talked too

'S

d from th

t noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any day-before-yesterdays happen I will make a note of it. It will be best to start right and not let the record get confused, for some instinct tells me that these details are going to be important to the histor

I think the rest of it has its share in the matter. Is my position assured, or do I have to watch it and take care of it? The latter,

ected to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed a most noble and beautiful work. And certainly marvelously near to being perfect, notwithstanding the shortness of the time. There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others, but that can be remedied presently, no doubt. The moo

ul, a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon that belonged to another person and that person didn't know I had it. I could give up a moon that I found in the daytime, because I should be afraid some one was looking; but if I found i

le, but it didn't reach, which astonished me; then I tried clods till I was all tired out, but I never got one. It was because I am left-handed and cannot throw good. Even when I aimed at the one I wasn't after I couldn't hit the other one,

re the stars were close to the ground and I could get them with my hands, which would be better, anyway, because I could gather them tenderly then, and not break them. B

t adorably comfortable, and their breath was sweet and pleasant, because they live on strawberries. I had never seen a t

n it was too far off, and sometimes when it was but six inches away but seemed a foot-alas, with thorns between! I learned a lesson; also I ma

looked like one, and I feel sure that that is what it is. I realize that I feel more curiosity about it than about any of the other reptiles. If it is a reptile, and I suppose it is; for it has frowzy

it was only trying to get away, so after that I was not timid any more, but tracked it along, several hours, about twenty yards behind, whi

g over. I've got it

nted for that. It looks to me like a creature that is more interested in resting than in anything else. It would tire me t

; there is no need to worry when one has that kind of neighbors; they will fetch it back. I wish I could do something to show my appreciation. I wo

tree again and let them alone. I wonder if that is what it is for? Hasn't it any heart? Hasn't it any compassion for those little creature? Can it be that it was designed and manufactured for such ungentle work? It has the

lk, all day, and in my sleep, too, and I am very interesting, but if I had anoth

ink so. In that case one would parse it thus: nominative, he; dative, him; possessive, his'n. Well, I will consider i

o do the talking, because he was shy, but I didn't mind it. He seemed pleased to have me arou

hings off his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, for he has no gift in that line, and is evidently very grateful. He can't think of a rational name to save him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of his defect. Whenever a new creature comes along I name it before he has time to expose himself by an awkward silence. In this way I have saved him

was dreaming of conveying information, and said, "Well, I do declare, if there isn't the dodo!" I explained-without seeming to be explaining-how I know it for a dodo, and although I thought maybe he was a little piqued that I knew the

ould feel unkind toward me when I had not done anything? But at last it seemed true, so I went away and sat lonely in the place where I first saw him the morning that we were made and I did not know what he was and was indifferent about him; b

ch he has built, to ask him what I had done that was wrong and how I could mend it and

am happy; but those were heavy days; I

, but I think the good intention pleased him. They are forbidden, and he says I shall c

he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his name, I w

s such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart that the values lie. I wish I coul

tly recognized, himself, that it was a good one, for he worked it in twice afterward, casually. It was not good casual art, s

word? I do not think

panionship, some one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not enough-that lovely white body painted there in the pool-but it is something, and something is better than utter loneliness. It talks when I ta

and now she is gone!" In my despair I said, "Break, my heart; I cannot bear my life any more!" and hid my face in my hands, and there was n

did not doubt; I said, "She is busy, or she is gone on a journey, but she will come." And it was so: she always did. At night she would not come if it was dark, for she was a timid little thing; but if there was a moon s

estate; and I purposely kept away from him in the h

hose beautiful creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and preserve it! I gathered them, and made them into wreaths and garlan

e that. He does not care for me, he does not care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky at eventide-is there anything he does care for, except building shacks to c

ned against a rock and rested and panted, and let my limbs go on trembling until they got steady again; then I crept warily back, alert, watching, and ready to fly if there was occasion; and when I was come near, I parted the branches of a rose-bush and peeped through-wishing the man was about, I was looking so cunning and pretty-but the sprite

e, though I had never heard of it before. It was fire! I was as certain of it as a

or, and what could I answer? for if it was not good for something, but only beautiful, merely beautiful- So I sighed, and did not go. For it wasn't good for anything; it could not build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a fruit crop; it was useless, it was a foolishness and a vanity; he would despise it and say cutting words. But

nd play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed up and spat out at me fiercely, and I dropped it and ran. When I looked back the blue spirit was tower

he very first flames that had ever been in the world. They climbed the trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and increasing vol

bad that he should ask such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. I said it was fire. If it ann

id it

on, and it also had t

ade

er off. He went to the edge of the burne

are

e-co

nged his mind and put it down again. Th

oo. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I am very young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they were all bur

lso displeased on another account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over the Falls. That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion-quite new, and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others which I had already discover

FROM ADA

, the purple shadows on the mountains, the golden islands floating in crimson seas at sunset, the pallid moon sailing through the shredded cloud-rack, the star-jewels glittering in the wastes of space-none of them is of any practical value, so far as I can see, but because they have color and majesty, that is enough for her, and she loses her mind over them. If she could quiet down and keep still a couple minutes at a time, it would be a r

list. There are animals that I am indifferent to, but it is not so with her. She has no discri

ticate it, I wanted to make it a present of the homestead and move out. She believed it could be tamed by kind treatment and would be a good pet; I said a pet twenty-one feet high and eighty-four feet long would be no p

o risky. The sex wasn't right, and we hadn't any ladder anyway. Then she wanted to ride it, and look at the scenery. Thirty or forty feet of its tail was lying on the ground, like

ould take it up myself. Well, she had one theory remaining about this colossus: she thought that if we could tame it and make him friendly we could stand him in the river and use him for a bridge. It turned out that he was already plenty tame enough-at le

without seeing him. It is a long time to be alon

ant to propose. I think they are perfect gentlemen. All these days we have had such good times, and it hasn't been lonesome for me, ever. Lonesome! No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them around-sometimes as much as four or five acres-you can't count them; and when you stand on a rock in the midst and look out over the furry expanse it is so mottle

imposing sight-there's nothing like it anywhere. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animal

ust be a foreign language, for I cannot make out a word they say; yet they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the el

was running uphill; but now I do not mind it. I have experimented and experimented until now I know it never does run uphill, except in the dark. I know it does in the dark, because the pool never goes dry, which i

t is delightful to have it that way, it makes the world so interesting. If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interestin

ut you have to put up with simply knowing it, for there isn't any way to prove it-up to now. But I shall find a way-then that excitement will go. Such things make me sad;

think they will last weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a feather it sails away on the air and goes out of sight; then you throw up a clod and it doesn't. It comes down, every time. I have tried it and tried it, and it is always so. I wonder why it is? Of course it doesn'

ey can all melt the same night. That sorrow will come-I know it. I mean to sit up every night and look at them as long as I can keep awake; and I will impress those sparkling fields on

r th

eautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautifu

so I suppose that this kind of love is not a product of reasoning and statistics, like one's love for other reptiles and animals. I think that this must be so. I love certain birds because of their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his singing-no, it is not that; the more he s

s, for he did not make it himself; he is as God made him, and that is sufficient. There was a wise purpose in it, that I know.

and his delicacy that I love him. No, he has lacks in th

nly pain. Otherwise he is frank and open with me, now. I am sure he keeps nothing from me but this. It grieves me that he should have a secret from me, and

-no, it is not that. He is self-educated, and does re

is a peculiarity of sex, I think, and he did not make his sex. Of course I would not have told on him, I would have

ve him? Merely because h

ve him without it. If he should beat me and abuse me, I shoul

ve him without those qualities. If he were plain, I should love him; if he were a wreck, I should love h

uppose. And so I think it is as I first said: that this kind of love is not a product of reasonin

t has examined this matter, and it may turn out that in

Year

ging which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the heart o

to him as he is to me-life without him would not be life; how could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal, and will

VE'S

ver she was, t