Until you call again

I take one last look at the love of my life as he makes his way out of my apartment to go see the love of HIS life. He waves me goodbye and blows me a kiss I happily catch then I smile at his smile. It makes my heart skip a beat and he knows it.

"Bye Nugget," he says then disappears into the night.

It's been 10 years, 8 months, 65 days and counting. He says that I'm confused.

"You don't allow yourself to be loved," he always says to me, maybe he's right. But that's because my heart already belongs to him.

I try not to talk about it a lot because I fear pushing him away. My biggest fear is not having him in my life. So I swallow my feelings just so he's more comfortable in the friendship.

Tristan Brady is my best friend of many years. We met in high school when he'd asked me to tutor him.

I wasn't always into him. In fact, for a while I couldn't stand him. He was a walking cliché and I'd called him out on it.

He'd been shocked because no one had ever spoken to him like that before. He said that everyone always kissed his ass because he was popular. I'd asked him what was wrong with people wanting to be his friends and he'd responded saying they wanted the popularity, not him. He'd had many friends but no one really knew him. I'd realized I was completely wrong about him.

We'd hang out at his house after school and sometimes at mine. He says I'm the yin to his yang and there's simply no him without me. I feel the same way. Except I'm also completely and madly in love with him. For years now.

I've seen him change from being the biggest man whore I knew to falling in love and being monogamous. He's been with Meghan for almost a year now.

He came to my place to tell me he's ready to introduce her to his parents and that he'd like me to be there. Of course I'll be there. I'll be anywhere he wants me to be.

I look through my steamy window the following morning on the cold day of July and contemplate calling in sick for work. Being an accounts administrator for one of the top CAs in the country is just about as dull as it sounds. It's quite literally doing the dirty work while he takes the credit. Like being a nurse. I sigh then make my way to the shower after deciding against not going. My boss would kill me and still call me to come to work.

The wind not so gently touches my skin making me wince in displeasure as I run to my car in the parking lot. The soft calming voice of Alessia Cara fills the car as I turn it on.

"One day, the thought of him won't hurt the same." I sing as I navigate my way through traffic.

"Won't need distractions to get through the day." People always complain about the traffic in South Africa, I prefer it. It's a much needed time to myself.

"I guess I hope I'm gonna be okay," I turn off my car heater, it's making me sweat through my eyes.

"Cause I'm not today." I pull up to my work place, take a deep breath then make my way into the building.