Steamy Confessions

💞TRACY💞

Life in itself can be very complicated and difficult. It's required that one works hard to be successful and since it's said there won't be any food for a lazy man. And also, from somewhere in the holy book, they said the devil finds work for the idle man..is that it? I don't really know because I suck. I'm not really a devoted Christian. I used to but I no longer believe there's someone up there who fights for us because if there's really someone, I won't get a contract and at the end of the day, get stripped off of it.

It was a fashion week, the spring collection with thousands of designers. I'm supposed to at least get one to model for right? Well, I did but at the end of the day, magic occurred and it was given to somebody else and that girl had a lot of designers to model for already whereas I had none. How can life be cruel?

I still attended anyway and it has ended and I am on my way home. Almost there even.

Getting home, I pack all the junks I had into the microwave then go to clean myself. My food is all heated by the time I finish and I sit to consume in the middle of my tiny room.

A minute into it, my phone rings. It's my manager. I wonder why she is calling me at this time. It's almost 2 am.

"Hi, is everything alright?" I ask as I chew on the meat in my mouth.

"Are you home?"

I nod before realizing that she won't see and so I hurry to chew and swallow so I can answer.

"Tracy, are you there?"

"Mmmm." I'm swallowing.

"Are you eating? At 2 am?"

"Lost contract and hungry. What must I do? I can't lose and still add ulcer to my misfortune."

"How are you gonna get a proper contract if you don't stop taking food like a mother pig? And what are you eating?"

I don't reply. She knows what I am taking but will ask anyway. I hate that she talks to me as if I am a kid and she's my mother.

"You're taking junks instead of following the diet religiously. Why are you doing this to yourself Tracy?"

Here we go again. My eyes roll straight into my head. I don't stop eating.

"We're going to the gym tomorrow and signing into a yoga class. I'm not taking no for answer."

My eyes roll yet again. Ever since I got into this modeling field, I've never gone to the gym..well only once.

"And you're going to stay on diet."

Tired of rolling my eyes, I decide to speak my mind to this manager of mine.

"Listen, Karen, everybody is different. Just because someone eats a certain way and gets a certain result does not mean that my body will react the same way. Just because all those models you see swear by extremely low carb or high protein diet, that doesn't mean my body will respond the same way. This is my stand and if you think I am not a good enough model for you to manage please you can go because I didn't even employ you in the first place. I told you from the beginning that I don't need a manager." This is Tracy-Lyn Tyler, I love to speak my mind.

"You don't have to say that Tracy. You know I only care about you and I want you to blow. I'm sorry about how things went during the fashion week. You're good, very beautiful, you just need a little shaping for you to take down the runway."

"I'm not a runway model Karen, I don't need to do so much. Please let me be now will you?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And try to understand that I don't need those things. Being a model doesn't mean you have to be skinny and eat very little. I am who I am so I am going to eat whatever that pleases me."

"Yes but no junk please."

"Yeah. This is the last. You know I am heartbroken."

"Yes, I am sorry."

"If you don't mind I am hanging up okay."

"Yes, but could you do a little squatting and making use of the treadmill before you sleep please."

"Okay, bye." I end the call.

A sudden creak by the window announces the arrival of my stupid crackhead of a friend. She has super strict parents who by their tiny brains think I prostitute so they do anything to keep my friend from me. The only way we see each other is at this time when everyone is busy in bed snoring.

"Hello hello hello!" Yeah. She's going to make noise. Someone who sneaked in and is supposed to keep it low. I can't go stealing with her. We're gonna get caught with her high pitch.

"Keep it shut Alana!"

"You're only eating as always, not meditating?"

"Happy release day." I smile at her and pat a place for her to sit beside me.

"Don't say that darling. I actually kill myself to see you. You know, my parents are crazy. I don't know why they're so narrow-minded."

"They're your parents. Do not say that." I scold her. The last thing I want to hear or see is someone disrespecting their parents whether they're good or not. Family is everything.

"Yeah yeah." Her eyes rove on the massive food in front of me. "You eat so much yet you look like Victoria's favorite secret model. How do you do it, girl?"

"I don't think if not why didn't I get a designer to model for?"

"They're blind and corrupted. Better offers are yet to come and you're going to hit do not worry."

"Hmmm." I've never had any major role to play in modeling, I get cast alright but at the end of the day, someone always replaces me and I don't get it. I don't. The only thing I do most is posing for photographers.

"You're better than all those girls and you're prettier trust me."

"Then why do they snatch my contracts?"

"That is the world we live in. It's all about getting connected and being able to willingly pay huge sums and the girls, they can't open their thighs any wider for that."

"So if I don't open my thighs and I don't have money to bribe, I won't go forward? I'm never going to succeed?"

"You don't have to be like them. Your time will come and during that time, nothing can stop your shine."

"That is enough of me. How's school? How's the family? Your cat? Your other friends and your crushes?" I'm older than Alana two years, I was a senior to her in college but we click so well.

"Since you mentioned crushes, Jake who's your all-time crush has a project underway and I heard he's going to need a modeling agency to get a model from. I pray she picks your agency and who knows, you might be the lucky one to get casted."

"You can dream!" I laugh. "I don't even get to participate in the fashion week and you think I can hit the contract of a superstar?" I pack the rest of the food. I've had enough.

"Don't be pessimistic. Everything is possible."

"Everything is not possible for Tracy." I tell her.

"It will be possible if you believe and work towards it."

"What haven't I done? Anyway, where did you hear the news?"

"You know me." She smiles.

"Yeah. A gossip." I nudge her and get up to go to the kitchen. She follows me.

"Ouch, I'm wounded. You called me a gossip? She fakes hurt.

"I did."

"On a serious note, I really hope that he chooses your agency to get models."