PAIN OR LOVE

The air carried a faint scent of jasmine, not particularly high-end, reminiscent of a fragrance from a boutique priced around twenty dollars.

Yet, it lacked the heaviness of cheap perfume, instead being so light that it made me uneasy.

Undoubtedly, it was a woman's perfume.

Richard would never wear perfume, so its presence at home indicated they had been close.

At the very least, they had embraced.

I bit my lip, the excessive friction leaving it bloodied, but I felt no pain.

Numbness spread through me, mixed with a strange itch, the kind of itch that only desire could satisfy.

Richard removed the white cloth from my eyes, and the sudden light made me instinctively lower my head.

He crouched down, cupping my face. "Why won't you look at me?"

I avoided his gaze, his face would drive me mad.

"The light is too bright, it hurts my eyes."

"Is that so?"

Richard said, turning off the chandelier with a click. "It's not bright now."

He kissed me, the jasmine scent intensifying with our mingling breaths, unsettling my heart.

Wasn't he supposed to love only me?

"Why are you distracted?"

Sensing my lack of focus, Richard pulled away. He grasped my wrist, loosening the chain slightly.

I curled my legs, tucking them under my white dress, my watery eyes welling up with tears as I looked at him.

"I want to go out."

"Out?"

With a snap, the chain was fastened again. "To see Kellan?"

I didn't respond, but my silence was as good as an answer. As expected, Richard shoved me back onto the bed, gripping my chin tightly.

"Don't think about him. You can only have me. You can only love me!"

He tore at my white dress, reducing it to tatters.

Yet, I was captivated by his frenzied expression.

He liked white dresses. He would stroke my cheek and tell me I looked as pure as an angel.

Just like that, no one else mattered but me.

A fallen angel pretended to be pure to lure believers.

So, would you be my believer?

(1)

My first meeting with Richard was at the most upscale restaurant in Arkland, back when Kellan was pursuing me.

Without a doubt, Kellan would have made the perfect boyfriend.

He was handsome, kind, driven, and being near him, you could catch a whiff of the natural, youthful scent he carried—like freshly laundered sheets that had been hung out to dry in the sun.

It was the kind of warmth you could get lost in, never wanting to leave.

But someone like him had friends, family.

He loved the world and everything in it. I would never be his only one.

Then there was Richard. The moment I saw him, I knew we were the same.

We were lonely people, yearning for love.

His shirt was buttoned up to the first button, his cuffs neatly fastened, and his suit was crisp, without a wrinkle.

His hair was slicked back, except for a couple of strands rebelliously hanging over his forehead, giving him a lazy, casual look amidst all the neatness.

It was strange how these two contrasting features came together so perfectly in one person.

I had a weakness for men with exposed foreheads and gold-rimmed glasses. And Richard was exactly that.

He had sharp, fox-like eyes, giving him a slightly sinister appearance, with an aura that warned others to stay away.

His nose was straight and his lips were a pale shade, making me wonder what kind of expression he would have if he softened his look and smiled.

I was so mesmerized by him that I momentarily forgot about Kellan.

But Kellan didn't get angry. Instead, he nervously clasped his hands, too shy to meet my gaze.

"Daniela, would you be my girlfriend?"

I pursed my lips, pretending to be flustered, and let my eyes wander before settling on him.

"I'm sorry, I already like someone else."

Kellan was stunned, incredulous. "How? I've never seen you with anyone..."

I lowered my head, pretending to be in love. "We just confirmed it. He's already working."

Kellan gradually dimmed, finally offering a bitter smile and wishing me happiness.

I smiled back. "Thank you."

After Kellan left, I stood up, carrying my wine towards Richard.

His eyes were fixed on his laptop, seemingly absorbed in work.

I deliberately spilled wine on him, apologetically wiping it with a napkin.

Richard's lips curved into a small smile, his gaze gentle. His voice was low and magnetic.

"Miss, you were sitting over there. Why come all this way to spill wine on me?"

He had been watching me too!

The realization made me tremble with excitement, like a parched traveler in the desert finally stumbling upon an oasis.

"You're just too good-looking. I couldn't help but want to meet you. But I was afraid you wouldn't remember me if I introduced myself the normal way."

"But, wasn't it a bit much to..." Richard chuckled, glancing down at his wine-stained suit.

"I was aiming for the side."

I frowned. " I missed."

"Interesting."

He closed his laptop. "Good thing I didn't have a meeting today, or I'd have been in big trouble."

I looked down, playing the part of the guilty girl who had made an innocent mistake.

"I'm really sorry. If I buy you a new suit, could I have your Whatsapp ID?"

Richard didn't say anything at first, just stared at me for a long moment before flashing a grin, revealing two sharp canine teeth.

"Sure."

I couldn't afford the kind of suit Richard wore, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that he remembered me.

I couldn't even pronounce the name of the luxury store his suit came from. I made a mental note to study up on high-end brands so I wouldn't seem too shallow.

"What's wrong?"

I straightened my expression and, with sincerity, told him, "I'm sorry, Mr. Wade, but I can't afford to buy you a new suit."

He seemed a bit surprised. "How do you know my surname is Wade?"

"I overheard the server calling you that at the restaurant,"

I said, deliberately emphasizing the last three words,

"Mr. Wade."

"Alright."

He rested his hands on the steering wheel and casually asked, "What's your name?"

"Jolene."

"Since you told me your name, I'll let the suit go."

He winked at me. "I'm not that petty."

Where do you live? I'll drive you home."

"West Bay Residence."

On the way, he asked, as if in passing, "That boy, is he your boyfriend?"

"No, just a suitor."

When we arrived, Richard leaned against the car window and teased, "Aren't you going to invite me up?"

A hunter was always careful when selecting prey, weeding out the ones that didn't meet his standards and kept only the ones that do.

During this process, the hunter was always a gentleman, hiding all his sharp edges, waiting for the perfect, unsuspecting prey to fall into his trap.

I took out my phone and held it up to him, showing my QR code. "Better not. Let's just add each other."

Richard chuckled. "You're so young.

How old are you, anyway?"

I stuck out my tongue.

"Twenty-nine."

We didn't chat much more. Richard drove off, disappearing from my view quickly.

That night, the constant chirping of insects annoyed me. I tossed and turned, waiting for a message from Richard. Finally, sometime after ten, my phone lit up.

"Hello."

"Seriously? That's so formal!" I replied immediately.

It took almost five minutes before he responded again.

"Sorry, you're a bit too enthusiastic."

"That's because I'm still young. You're the one who's old."

Richard sent an ellipsis in response, leaving me unsure if he was speechless or amused.

After another long pause, his message finally appeared.

"Where do you want to go?"

I tilted my head, thinking. They probably liked girls who were easy to control, girls who were playful and lighthearted.

So I typed three words.

"The amusement park."

People said that when your heart raced, you can mistake it for love. But I knew I was truly falling in to Richard.

(2)

Richard arrived before I did.

He'd let his hair down, the smooth strands falling softly around his ears, with a few stubborn strands sticking up here and there. Paired with his crisp white shirt, he looked younger, almost like a fresh college graduate.

He still wore his thin, gold-framed glasses, and his pale skin, untouched by sunlight, gave him a slightly sickly look.

Richard glanced around before stepping into the shade.

I bought two ice creams and handed one to him. He looked at it, surprised, before shaking his head.

"Too sweet."

"It's just one. Think of it as my apology for being late."

Without a word, he leaned in and took a bite from the ice cream I held out to him.

A bit of white cream clung to the corner of his mouth, and with a quick flick of his tongue, Richard licked it away.

The cold had made his lips turn a deeper shade of red—enticing and dangerous.

His lips were red, his teeth white, and his mouth had a visible warmth that melted the sweet cream.

I couldn't help but imagine how it would feel against skin—hot enough to make someone lose their senses.

I lowered my eyes with a light laugh, handed him the ice cream, and started walking ahead with my own.

I held one hand behind my back, almost as if I were waiting for someone to reach out and hold it.

Richard's footsteps followed, but surprisingly, he didn't grab my hand. Instead, he gently ruffled my hair and walked beside me, smiling as he did.

"Roller coaster or the flume ride?" he asked, tilting his head playfully.

"Which one do you want to ride?"

"Let's go with the roller coaster. It's been a while."

I perked up. "You haven't been to an amusement park since school, have you?"

"Yeah."

He bit his lip, his face darkening for a moment. "With my ex-girlfriend."

Then he turned to look at me, a smile on his face but with an unsettling coldness in his eyes.

"She cheated on me."

His gaze was sharp, both probing and disdainful, as if he were studying a fragile creature, ready to see through my every thought with the slightest movement.

"Hmm."

I nodded thoughtfully. "She really missed out. If she could turn back time, she'd definitely regret breaking up with someone as amazing as you."

I looked at Richard, admiration filling my eyes. "You really are impressive, a standout among your peers."

Flattery always worked wonders, especially on people like Richard—those who had been thoroughly dismissed by an ex, and whose obsession was with themselves. People like him were easy to pull into a dream of their own making.

Sure enough, the gloomy air around Richard lifted, and he patted my shoulder. "Come on, I'll take you to the roller coaster."

He was a gentleman through and through. Just as he was when he'd put the chains on me, he was just as careful now while buckling my safety belt.

Richard neatly packed away all our loose items in the locker and made sure the safety measures were in place. He even looked into my eyes to reassure me, his calmness giving me strength.

"Ready?"

Only after that would he sit next to me, ready for the ride.

Holding hands was natural, as fear always made people instinctively reach out for something to hold on to.

So, when I screamed and clutched Richard's hand, it didn't seem out of place at all.

He, on the other hand, didn't act like someone who rarely rode roller coasters. Apart from his hair getting a bit messed up, he remained completely calm and didn't scream once. His composure was impressive.

Afterward, my legs were wobbly as I clung to Richard, trying to steady myself as we left our seats. I was still shaken, a few tears clinging to the corners of my eyes from the scare.

Richard, noticing my state, looked a bit amused, as if enjoying my distress.

He handed me a bottle of water and waited for me to catch my breath.

"I thought you were braver," he teased.

I pouted.

"I thought you were the scared one."

I gulped down half the bottle before finally feeling better. My gaze then shifted to the giant swinging ride nearby, and I got another bold idea.

I tugged on Richard's arm, rushing to join the line for the next ride.

He didn't show any signs of impatience. On the contrary, he followed me eagerly, as if humoring my whims.

We spent the entire day running wild through the amusement park. By the end, I was naturally clinging to Richard's arm, and he, as if accustomed to it, let me stay by his side without complaint.

"Hungry?" he asked.

I nodded. "I'm craving spicy hot dogs."

"Okay."

He affectionately ruffled my hair, the motion as effortless as if it had been a habit for years.

I didn't know much about Richard's past, but the way he effortlessly navigated his car to the food street made me realize he must've come here often with his ex.

My suspicions were confirmed when the shop owner greeted him with a bright, sunflower-like smile. "Oh my, Richard! It's been so long since I've seen you!"

Richard smiled back, and for a moment, I could picture a shy student in school uniform, bringing his girlfriend here for spicy hot dogs.

That had been his prime.

The shop owner then turned her gaze to me, her smile growing even wider. "Is this your girlfriend?"

"Not yet."

At that, the shop owner laughed even harder. "Well, she will be! Let me tell you, girl, Richard is a gem.

Back when he was in school, he'd always pick up and drop off his girlfriend…"

She was about to continue when Richard gently cut her off. "We're starving."

"Oh right! How could I forget? Sit tight, it'll be ready soon!"

Watching the shop owner bustle around the kitchen, I couldn't help but smile.

I rested my chin on my hands, staring at Richard, my eyes never leaving his face.

He noticed and looked back at me, but every time he did, I lowered my head, teasing him by avoiding his gaze.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Were you really that good to your ex-girlfriend?"

He nodded slightly, not meeting my eyes and staring at the wall decor as if waiting for me to continue.

I never disappointed. I reached out and lightly touched his fingertips.

"I've never had a boyfriend."

"We've only known each other for two days."

"Time doesn't matter. Distance doesn't matter," I replied, unfazed.

He looked at me seriously, holding my gaze for about half a minute.

Then, with a casual air, he leaned back, spreading his arms and tapping the table with half-closed eyes. His lazy posture drew all my attention to him.

"You don't know me well enough yet. After just two days, do you really think this is enough to start a relationship?"

Instead of feeling guilty or hesitant, I leaned forward slightly, bringing myself level with him so he could see the sincerity and certainty in my eyes.

"That depends on whether or not you'll let me get to know you."

Richard blinked, surprised. It took him a moment before he reached out with his beautiful hand and lightly flicked my forehead.

"Jolene, I hope you're serious about this."

(3)

I became Richard's girlfriend, just like the owner had predicted. No matter how late or how busy he was, he would always pick me up from school on time.

No matter what I was doing, the moment I saw him, I had to run to his car, open the door, and obediently sit inside.

Only then would Richard smile, ruffle my hair, kiss my forehead, and turn his attention back to the steering wheel, asking me how my classes had been while driving me home.

Having a luxury car pick you up from university regularly inevitably attracted gossip. At first, when I used to run to him eagerly, it felt natural. But after the honeymoon phase, normal girls would start to cool down. It would seem odd to suddenly break away from their friends to run to someone.

More importantly, I wanted to know just how much Richard cared about me.

So, one day, when he came to pick me up, I refused.

Richard tilted his head, clearly puzzled. "Why?"

But he was a gentleman, after a brief pause, he glanced at the girl standing beside me.

His mouth curled into a knowing smile before he turned his eyes back to the steering wheel.

"Going out with friends?"

I nodded. "Is that okay?"

"Of course."

Richard said nothing more, opening the car door for Madelynn and me.

He handed me a bank card, gently ruffled my hair, and told me to have fun and buy whatever I wanted.

He also reminded me to call him if I got home late, warning that it wasn't safe for girls to walk alone at night.

He even told Madelynn, "You're Daniela's friend, which makes you my friend too. Don't feel like you're imposing."

Not a trace of displeasure or possessiveness. His usual need for control seemed like a joke at this moment.

I frowned, and Madelynn nudged my arm.

"Your boyfriend is really..."

She thought for a while, then laughed. "He's like one of those CEOs from the romance novels! Hook me up with one of his friends!

I'd love a bank card."

I carefully tucked the card into my bag and playfully tapped her forehead. "Dream on."

It had been a while since we last went shopping, and Madelynn dragged me around until 11:30 that night.

After dropping her off, I called a familiar driver to take me back to Richard's place.

The apartment was dark when I arrived. I opened the door and could just make out a figure in the shadows.

Richard was sitting on the sofa, holding the remote. With a soft click, the lights came on.

"Waiting for me?" I asked.

Richard was an incredibly disciplined person, always going to bed at exactly 10 PM. In all the time we'd been together, that had never changed.

Maybe because it was past his usual bedtime, Richard looked tired. But it wasn't the panda-patterned pajamas he wore that gave him away—it was his sharp gaze, like a leopard ready to pounce.

"Why didn't you let me pick you up?"

He closed the distance between us, making me instinctively move back until I tumbled onto the sofa.

He then leaned in, one hand resting near my ear, his knee on the sofa, trapping me completely.

"I didn't want to disturb your sleep."

I answered carefully, watching his expression, trying to gauge whether he was angry.

His response was unexpected. He lowered his head and kissed my cheek.

"What's there to be afraid of? I was just worried about you."

He stood up, opened an app on his phone, and displayed my entire day's itinerary on the screen.

"First, you walked around the food street. Then, you went to the movies. After that, you ate, sang karaoke, and then had barbecue.

You really are a foodie, Daniela."

Noticing my shocked expression, Richard's gaze grew even softer.

"I've got some digestive pills at home. Go take two, or you'll be bloated tomorrow. You ate quite a bit of cold food.

I'll get your bath ready. Be good, okay?"

With that, he walked away. I pulled out my phone, and sure enough, Richard's location hadn't moved since he'd left the mall earlier. He had been at home the whole time.

I couldn't help but smile. The thought of him obsessively monitoring my every move, anxiously waiting for me, filled me with a strange sense of excitement.

What a good boy, I thought. Now, love me even more madly.

Later, when we lay down together, Richard wrapped his arm around my waist and snuggled into the crook of my neck, acting playfully affectionate.

"Do you have a lot of friends?" he asked.

"Not really, just a few."

I replied, turning to face him so our breaths mingled.

"What about you? I haven't met any of your friends."

He kissed my cheek softly.

"There's no one else, whether it's friends or partners. There's only you."

I giggled, squirming as he playfully nibbled on my ear, making it impossible for me to stop laughing.

"You're lying!" I teased.

But Richard didn't care.

He held my waist firmly, preventing me from moving away, his voice dripping with a dangerous seduction—like the serpent tempting Adam and Eve with the forbidden fruit.

"And what about you? Will you only love me, and only me?"

I smiled and kissed him back, losing myself in the illusion. "Of course."

(4)

Richard bought me a necklace.

The tiny diamonds sparkled so brightly in the sunlight that I couldn't clearly see the diamond itself—just a fractured, otherworldly light that made the whole thing feel surreal.

After he clasped the necklace around my neck, Richard rested his chin on my shoulder, then raised my hand to the mirror.

"I'll give you the best."

Richard whispered, kissing the corner of my lips. With that, he subtly created a divide between me and my friends.

Madelynn was always envious. She'd stroke my designer handbag in awe. "Wow, this is a limited edition from this year!"

As time passed, more and more people started talking to me—some from wealthy backgrounds, others not so much.

Richard would often park his car in the middle of the crowd and honk the horn, drawing everyone's attention before smiling as I climbed into the passenger seat.

He also took great care to select beautiful gowns for me, bringing me to formal events and introducing me to heirs and heiresses, many of whom attended the same school as me.

He meticulously ensured that I was at the center of the social scene, and I didn't disappoint him. I showed great interest in everything and was more than satisfied with the flattery I received.

Richard would stroke my long hair and say, "Daniela, you're so beautiful. I'll give you everything."

But I was starting to grow tired of it all, wondering when it would end—because I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up this act.

Luckily, the end came sooner than I expected.

I still remember that day. I was wearing a strapless black dress that stopped just above my knees.

Richard had tied a small bell around my ankle, so every step I took was accompanied by a soft, tinkling sound.

But that bell wasn't a great idea.

For all the sophistication of high society, there was an undercurrent of pettiness. Bells like that were for pets, not people.

Richard wrapped his arm around my waist as we navigated the crowd, champagne in hand. He was all charm and politeness, chatting and laughing, addressing the older guests with perfect decorum.

He introduced me as "my date, Jolene" rather than "my girlfriend, Jolene."

Halfway through the evening, Richard received a call. Something urgent had come up at work, and he had to leave.

"Have fun."

Richard said, kissing my forehead before hurrying off.

The atmosphere changed the moment he left. When I tried to approach some of the small groups I usually hung out with, they barely acknowledged me, their expressions indifferent as they subtly made it clear that the topics they were discussing weren't for me.