Always Alone

Felipe, Goiania, day 0

She keeps talking as if subjects and predicates were the most amazing thing in the world. I can only wonder why I can't send the damn hardflip right. Finally the signal rings.

"Felipe, I need to talk to you."

Holy shit, what does the teacher want with me? I changed the words before copying the essay that Vitor did for me. He did it half an hour before it was due, and it turned out pretty average, it doesn't even sound like Vitor. The crowd gives a visshhh as they get up from the half-destroyed and completely scribbled desks of the classroom with dirty and peeling walls. Vitor is the last to leave, he looks at me apprehensively and indicates with his eyes that he will wait for me outside. I also reply with my eyes that I might be in trouble. Yes, this dialogue happened without a word being said. It is our special power. It is not really a power, in fact it is years of living together and I am not the talkative type. I approach the teacher's desk, stop in front of her desk, and look at her in silence.

"You know you can trust me. Don't you know, Felipe?"

One thing I do know is that whenever someone says you can trust them, you really can't. I nod my head positively.

" I notice the marks Felipe. "

I raise my shoulders and palms playing dumb. I forgot about these marks as soon as they stopped hurting.

"On your back."

The teacher looks at me from behind the round glasses matching the tacky dress that makes her look much older than she is. She could just leave me alone, ignore me like all the other teachers do. I am an expert at being unnoticed. Not for her, she pretends to care, she shouldn't, it's not her problem. I need to say something.

"It was a skateboarding cow."

"What do you mean a cow on a skateboard, Felipe?"

"I fell off a skateboard."

"You don't look bruised from a fall."

"Are you a doctor?"

"I'm just trying to help."

She places her hand over mine, thin, icy fingers, it's been a long time since anyone has touched me with affection, I remove my hand and place it in my pocket.

" Can I go?"

"You may Felipe, you may."

I leave that room as fast as I can without running, I can feel her eyes on the back of my neck, probably looking at the bruises on the back of my neck. At the door of the school a skinny boy with black skin and dark vivid eyes and not too big black hair looks at me, his look asks me what happened in there.

"She saw my back, Victor."

"It's not even that ugly anymore, I mean it's ugly, but it was creepy before, purple, kind of yellowish and the red welts and kind of inflamed, pretty disgusting and you were walking around looking like an old woman."

The skinny guy keeps talking, he is very good at this, at talking.

"Like, now that you're almost healed that she notices, I told you, she's very slow and she's a human being, she definitely smokes pot."

I look seriously at his face.

"I'm lecturing again, right?"

I nod my head yes.

"Sorry, but did you tell her?"

I nod my head no.

"Maybe if you did, she could help you."

"She can't, no one can."

"True, they would send you to a shelter as soon as they saw your house, if the guys at school are already assholes imagine the guys at these shelters. The guys there must have had a really bad life, so the guys must be like the Joker from the last movie."

"I don't even know what you're talking about anymore."

"Neither do I."

We laughed together.

"Do you want to eat at home, Lipe?"

"Won't your mom get mad?"

"She is not at home, she got some daily at the house of one of the neighbors of her boss. To pay for the pre-college course she wants me to take in the afternoon."

"But there are still two years to go."

"The rich kids are already getting ready, her boss's son is also in first grade, he studies all day and it is with these Playboys that we will compete for a place at UFG."

"When do you start the course?"

"Next week."

I concentrate on the skateboard and try unsuccessfully to send a hardflip. Vitor steps in front of me and does a perfect hardflip.

"The back foot, you have to put it from the middle of the tail to the outside, and when it's at an angle you kick the flip straight forward."

I tend again and fall apart on the floor.

"Shit, crappy dumb maneuver."

" Lipe, even if I'm not home, you can spend the afternoon there. Now get up and let's go soon, I'm starving."

After we eat the wonderful lunch that Auntie made yesterday almost at dawn, my favorite, rice, beans and a meat and potato broth, we rest a bit. Then Vitor makes me do the housework, I help him clean the house and we spread out on the couch while he talks about I don't even know what else. As I said, he is very good at talking, if there was a talking competition he would surely be a medalist.

"Are you going to say that you don't remember, bro?"

"What, Victor?"

"The soap party your mother threw, I think it was on your eleventh birthday."

"We spent weeks trying to get all that soap out of the house. "

" No one would throw a party like your mother."

I try to disguise my sadness, Vitor knows me too well for the disguise to work.

"I'm sorry, man, me and my big mouth."

"It's not your fault."

"Did you talk to her after what happened?"

Not even if I wanted to, and I don't think I want to, she keeps avoiding me, if I walk in one door she walks out the other. Even when she was taking care of me, she avoided my eyes. I nod my head no. I can do something very rare. I leave Vitor speechless, but he doesn't surrender so quickly.

"It's fucked up, Lipe."

" No way, if you do it's half a glass."

I force a smile. Vitor smiles back."

"The rest is foam."

"I'm on it, Vitor. Auntie should be here soon."

"See you tomorrow."

"Can I leave my backpack here? I don't want some crazy guy disappearing with my homework like last time."

"No problem."

I get on my skateboard, we live two blocks away. I always take the path along the avenue, always the long way, I pass by the alley of the meat packing plant, actually the ruins of an old meat packing plant that closed about five years ago. I insist on sending a hardflip, no matter how hard I try, it doesn't come out. The back foot from the middle to the outside of the tail, kicking straight and it just doesn't work. I keep trying until I get in front of the bakery, two houses away from mine, one last try and again the ground. Laura comes to where I am and helps me up.

"Still trying Hard anything?"

I nod my head yes.

" No talk, I remember it's a hard,, hardflip."

I smile and nod yes.