A racing heart

"Sometimes I wish I was dead"

It was dark, rainy midnight when everyone sleeping peacefully even though their world is on the verge of crashing a girl in her mid-twenties looked so deep in her thoughts lying on her bed. Meera, she couldn't sleep but without giving up she tried shutting the past thoughts that were pulling her into the pool of regret and guilt, but whatever she does her inner demons fighting back with equal strength by showing the things that she wanted to forget. The broken pieces of her life sticking before her face and smiling at her, mockingly.

Giving up so easily Meera opened her eyes, heaving out a defeated sigh. She felt somewhat difficult to breathe and instantly her body became cold reminding how stupid and how helpless she is at those times. To put herself together Meera took the glass of water on the desk beside the bed and swallowed it in a gulp. She felt somewhat relieved and gazed at her room filled with gloom and silence.

Still, her heart is beating fast because of him, her terrible dream. She stood up from her bed and went near the window. She opened the glass door to see the dark sky and the building that was soaked in the rain. She noticed the time is 3.00 am, midnight.

Her nightmare, it is not new to her. That was haunting her for the past three years. But it was different today, he caressed her skin and it felt so real like she is again in his arms and being his pet.

No I should never think that Meera nodded her head to avoid those things and went back to the bed, she tied her hair in a bun and thought to take the medications for sleep since it is so stressful without having a proper sleep but these medicines were turning her weak physically. In a confusion, Meera again laid on her bed and thought about everything that happened in her past and without knowing her eyes welled in tears that were hard for her to control, after all.

My life is ruined by myself and I am the sole reason for all that happened, she thought while letting out silent sobs.

Meera again opened her eyes to see the time is seven in the morning. Sensing her eyes were now burning hot she slowly raised up from her bed and walked to the bathroom to take a cold shower. She dressed up in her Uniform and got ready for her work. Meera was working in two different jobs. In the day, as a receptionist in a famous hotel in the city and in the evening, she is working in a supermarket located at the end of her street.

She drank a cup of green tea and some cookies, she didn’t mind seeing herself in the mirror since she stopped doing that a long time before. After locking the house Meera walked down, it was quite a sunny day. When she reached near the entrance,

“Meera leaving for work?” Shanthi asked her.

“Yep," she smiled nodding her head.

“Had your breakfast?” she asked and Meera said yes or else Shanthi will scold her for skipping meals. After a few seconds of silence.

“Meera, will you do me a favor,” she asked in a requesting tone.

“Sure what is it?”

“Will you give the rent a weak before? Because I need to pay the college fee for Renu,” she asked Meera hesitantly.

“Sure, I will transfer the money to your account in two days,” Meera assured.

“Thanks, Meera that’s a great help,” she expressed her gratitude, and Meera left nodding her head with a smile. For the past two and a half years Meera was renting in Shanthi’s house, she is a single mother and her husband died of cancer, Renu was her daughter pursuing her psychology degree. Shanthi was going for a job and she maintains the family. Meera was staying on the first floor of her house, she is close to her since Shanthi was so helpful and caring like her mother but she knows that no one can replace her mom’s absence.

After ten minutes of walk, Meera reached the bus stop and she waited for her bus. Beside the bus Stop, there was a small shop selling newspapers and magazines, she decided to buy today’s newspaper since she doesn’t have a Television in her home. After buying she saw that her bus was approaching so she kept the newspaper in her bag and got inside the bus.

Thirty minutes of the quite ride Meera reached the SLA hotel where she is working as a receptionist for the past two years. She came at a perfect time and went to her place as soon as she enters the hotel and said Hi to her one only friend Priya.

“Hey, you didn’t sleep well? Why you’re looking like this?” she inquired Meera after looking at her visible dark circle under her eyes.