A college student at the verge of losing herself and the same time trying to rekindle her love flame with her longest boyfriend to escape her reality but ended up messing herself up and the remaining love flame between them. Building oneself first before taking a step to building something else
Chapter 1 Losing Myself
Adapting to a new environment? I wish that was what all this was about,I'm trying to come in terms with the new which suddenly feels like a stranger.
Thirteen old me after the sudden big move from the home I used to know to a place that seems awkwardly strange.I was a indeed an A student or should I say, used to be an A student, at my previous school, home I knew who i was, knew my paths and pictured my future, I could trace my steps back when I notice a missing piece or mistake in my life but not anymore I seem to have lost all that and lost my ability to retracing my steps or should I say I lost the zeal to do that.
As an A child in my home, I was given a specific pattern of daily activities, what to do, what to wear and where to be at a given time.Never really knew or felt what childhood was.I was kept away from the world and what I considered Fun.
I'm a well behaved girl who wouldn't do anything to displease her parents, well that was a thing of the past the moment I met my so called knight in armor.A new kid moved into the building, he was a bright outspoken kid who put smiles on people's faces. Being a curious me, I wanted to know more about this interesting kid but couldn't dare to go against my parents principles, I gave up the thought of wanting to learn about him till he approached me after watching and keeping distance from me.
We became friends so quickly, learnt a new whole fun besides reading books, I learned to love and see music as a source of soothing to the soul and I learnt dancing as well.We would have fun listening to music and dancing together when my our parents were out, at that time I started getting emotionally attached to him and I didn't realize or knew myself as someone who gets attached quickly.
And a life may have its way, everything must eventually meet its end. Coming back from school excitedly with my thoughts and ideas of the fun we would have that day all to crashed by the news of him moving out of the neighborhood, I didn't get to process this not until he was gone.Well I had to get back to my old pattern of life once again but this time I drowned myself into books well it did my grades good but left me feeling empty in the inside.Couple of months passed and we got a new neighbor but this time around it wasn't an interesting kid it was an adult,a disorganized adult but he did piqued my interest with his favorite music genre, it reminded me of my fun life but I still get my distance as usual and only secretly sing and dance to the music he played indoors
As an adult he knew his way around kids so within a short period I was already visiting his apartment to listen and dance to the music and something else came on board.He was a molest and he often molested me, at first I wasn't fazed by it and I thought everything was normal, as a 7 year old girl I didn't knew what was going on until I started feeling sharp in my private area when urinating, I couldn't open up to my parents cause of the fear of being scolded for breaking the rules of not going out the house, I endured the pain as it went on but after some time the pain grew much to I opened up to my Mum who confronted him and it lead to him moving out. I finally got myself back so I thought then one afternoon my mum took me to go stay with her friend's kids and we watched movies,it didn't end there we decided to act a movie ourselves,I played the mom while they played the father and the child, the play got interesting as we shared a kiss as a mom and dad then I started feeling the urge to touched down there didn't know what this feeling was but I could say i has gotten emotionally attached to it.After some hesitation I gave in to him touching me and this became a new pattern i would have him touch me anywhere and anytime even in the church we would sneak to a secret spot and have our little fun.
A year passed and he travelled to go spend his holidays with his distant relative and once again I was alone and there and then I made a decision for myself which I wish I stick to for long, I decided to not a guy in my life and things went back to normal. I focused on my studies not because i had to but because I have fallen in love with the changed me.
I met another interesting guy at the age of Ten but we're strictly book buddies or more like my nemesis I called him at that time, he was the competitive type and within a short period he took a step ahead of me and would bragged my face, we actually ruled the class me as the girl group leader and him the boys leader, we would literally create a little fight amongst ourselves just so to know who the brightest was and as always he would beat me to it.This little thing between us turned to a spark and we were regarded the couple of the class but I didn't let that get to me,I had to keep my distance as planned so we would pick a fight in class and waved and smiled at each other after class but nothing too serious to it.
Two years after he left the school, he got transferred to another school and went back being the top of the class but it didn't feel good, a part of me wanted him here with me but I can't lose myself to that phase again
Regardless of all this I still consider this phase of my life the best, my life took a big turn at the age of Thirteen when my family suddenly made a big move to a different state.The journey to how I lost myself begins.
Chapter 1 Losing Myself
22/03/2025