14 Days to Love

May 2022...

As I lay on the cold hard floor, tears trailing down my eyes. I question my sanity, is this truly what heartbreak feels like? My chest feels as though a spear had been forgotten in it.

But how could you lose something that was never really yours to begin with?

Marcus, a man I was infatuated with for several months, had just told me I meant nothing to him. Our relationship was quite discreet, due to the circumstances we found ourselves in. Okay! I'll just be honest, I loved Marcus, and I thought he loved me too, at least that's what he said. Long story short, he chose someone better, they always choose someone else, someone that's not me...

Should I be feeling this way? I mean, who am I kidding! I'm no stranger to unrequited love. And in all honesty, it's all I've ever known.

The pain of loving in vain, never being loved in return... always at the window looking in, longing from afar. The feeling of drowning in myself-indulged emotions.

I'm not going to lay here feeling sorry for myself any longer, I'm not that pathetic, "come on lora!", I said as I sat up and wiped the tears off my face with the back of my palms.

I picked up my phone and stared at the last conversation I had with Marcus that left me in tears. I read it over again, this time I was hoping not to cry, I was hoping it would help me let go. I had confronted him after I saw his post online;

Lora; is this some kind of a joke? Cuz it's not funny Marcus.

Marcus; Lora, I wanted to tell you at the right time, I just didn't know how..

Lora; tell me what Marcus?

Marcus; I'm sorry but I can't continue whatever this is.

Lora; whatever this is?

Marcus; Us Lora, us!

Lora; you should have told me this before you went ahead and made me fall in love with you.

Marcus; love? Do you even know what that is? The attention? The texting? I don't see it as love. Love is what I feel for Penny. I hope you weren't thinking we were in a relationship or anything?

Lora; it was all a lie?

Marcus; I never asked you to be my girlfriend, so what the heck are you even talking about.

Marcus was right, he didn't ask me to officially date him or anything, I did this to myself...

He was never mine...

I guess I only assumed we had something going on because of how often we texted each other, oh well...

Holding back the tears I deleted his number and put my phone aside. I washed my face and did my braids into a ponytail. Feeling restless, I desperately tried to mask my pain, I didn't want anyone to know I had been crying for the past 3 hours, over a boy that wasn't even my boyfriend. It sounds pathetic now that I think about it.

Marcus never treated me right, he just made me feel seen, and I guess I perceived that as love.

I relate extremely well with the ghost bride, because I do feel like a ghost most of the time, I had no main character moment. I was so used to being the bridesmaid and never the bride... and sometimes I wished I would just disappear completely, I'd be out of sight.

At this point I was staring at myself in the mirror, pointing out every flaw, every insecurity. Everything that was wrong with me, because I was the problem. Maybe if I had lighter skin, or if I wasn't so slim I'd be a sight to see, maybe people would actually look at me and admire me.

August 2022...

Summer break rolled around, it'd been 3 months since my supposed breakup and I had gotten the email inviting me for summer camp, the same camp I met Marcus. Before I could get lost in my flashbacks, Nina called me. She was my only friend, I could almost say we were besties, but Nina had other friends, and I was tired of assuming relationships with people, but she was honestly the closest thing I had to a friend. I picked up the phone:

Lora; hello?

Nina; hey girl! I just got my mail, have you gotten yours?

Lora; yes, I just got it.

Nina; (excitedly) are you coming?

Lora; I don't think so...

Nina; (with an obvious change in tone) and why's that?

Lora; nothing really...(obviously lying)

Nina; please come, I want to see you again, at least just think about it. I'll call you in a bit to know if you've changed your mind, bye girl.

Lora; bye.

I met Nina at the last camp, she was the only person who tried to talk to me. She was nice and welcoming. Inasmuch as I don't want to see Marcus again, I do miss Nina, like a lot.

I didn't tell Nina about Marcus and I. I was good at keeping everything about me private.

Nina on the other hand found love at the last camp, she met a boy called Victor, they are the cutest. I would always walk her to go see victor, moments like those were what made me feel like a bridesmaid.

I met Nina before I met Marcus. Nina spoke to me when we were offloading our bags, and she helped me get a room because I was new and that was my first camp ever. I sat close to Marcus at orientation. He turned to look at me several times and I noticed he had a smirk on his face, little did I know he had stolen my number from the paper sheets we wrote out information on. And he texted me that very night, he never actually tried to talk to me in person, I guess I know why now...

He would just text me saying,'I saw you today '. We kept in touch even after camp, I was fresh outta high school at the time, and I was only 17. We texted for months before I saw his post about making things official with Penny.

Penny is what you'd call an 'It girl', the perfect physique. Hips, beautiful legs, thick thighs, everything!

A few hours later I got another call from Nina, I know exactly why she's calling, she wants to know if I've changed my mind. Honestly, I'd rather be in my room for the summer, especially after what happened with Marcus, death would be a better punishment than running into Marcus and Penny at camp. But I knew I had to choose Nina, as I answered her call I told her everything, a part of me knew I needed to confide in someone, and Nina was the only option. She sounded really mad and told me not to worry about it. I felt relieved after finally telling someone something that had been on my mind for several weeks.

I walked over to my wardrobe to get my stuff ready, camp was only 3 days away. Replaying memories I had of Marcus and how it would feel to see him with Penny, because as much as I'd like to deny it, seeing him was inevitable. And seeing him would break my heart all over again.