BETWEEN THE SCARS

A predominantly white room, the silence so thick that the sound of clockwork can be heard dominating the room, Jessica Alviera-a psychiatrist is sitting opposite Patricia Xavier Saliem-the woman who has been her patient for the past two months.

Patricia's gaze looks uncertainly toward the table that separates the two.

Jessica, on the other hand, was looking seriously at Patricia. Fifteen minutes into the consultation session, Patricia remained silent. There was doubt written all over her face. Even though this was the second time visiting, the young woman was still reluctant to speak.

"Patricia Xavier Saliem..." The woman in the white coat called softly, making Patricia look away. "Tell me. What are you feeling?"

Patricia still didn't move. She took a deep breath, let it out. Her heart was beating faster at that moment. Images of bad memories swirled in her head, making her unable to think clearly.

There were so many things that wanted to be said as if they were fighting for a place to be heard. But in the end, Patricia could not catch anything. An agitated feeling was written in the woman's jet eyes so that it could be read in the eyes of the woman in the white coat.

"I'm... scared...," Patricia whimpered. Her chest was tight with images flashing through her head like a broken record. She could not look at Jessica in front of her.

Both eyes were still fixed on the toe of her shoe tapping on the floor, trying to shake off the irritation. "Everything... the bad events are spinning in my head. Everything... looks bad. I'm worried...."

Jessica was still waiting for Patricia's next words. She caught on like there were still many things the woman in front of her wanted to say now. But Jessica did not force her to speak.

"Tell me what you're feeling, Patricia. I will try to understand your feelings," Jessica replied, trying to calm her down.

Patricia looked at Jessica, still hesitant. Even though this was the second consultation session, she still could not say what she felt.

Patricia's chest was tight with mixed feelings after losing her mother.

Until finally Jessica reached out one of her hands to one of Patricia's hands, giving a fairly gentle stroking. More and more trying to soothe.

"I'm listening, Patricia. I want to help you. But how can I help you if you don't say anything?" Jessica spoke in a low tone, looking at Patricia gently.

As if there was a twinkle of warmth in Jessica's eyes, Patricia was momentarily stunned. "You can think of me as your other self. Try talking to my version of yourself."

Patricia removed her hand from Jessica's. She placed both hands in her lap, playing with her fingernails.

This was not as easy as she had imagined.

Patricia thinks of her mother, who suddenly died two days ago. It was a very unexpected event. In addition, Patricia remembered the man at the scene where her mother died.

After a few seconds of her dreamy look, Patricia looked at Jessica who gave her a faint smile. The more Patricia tried to explain her fear of seeing a male figure at the time of her mother's death, the more she couldn't say anything.

"You shouldn't have done that," Patricia said, looking straight at Jessica. There was a flick in her head that started the memory game.

From a feeling of indignation, she felt a tightness entering the cracks in her chest.

"Was I the cause of my mother's death?" asked Patricia.

"You blame yourself?" asked Jessica.

"It is indeed my fault, because after all... I should have saved my mother," Patricia replied, her voice shaking slightly.

"It's not your fault, Patricia. You didn't kill your mother," Jessica replied.

"But I didn't save her," Patricia argued more forcefully.

Jessica let out a long sigh as she backed away from her seat. She realized Patricia was in an unstable condition.

No matter how Jessica tried to tell Patricia, she could not calm her down enough.

"It's your fault," Jessica said, emphasizing her words a little. "Do you know what's wrong with you?"

Patricia did not answer Jessica's words. Her eyes radiated lethargy.

Jessica then answered, "Those shadows... your mistake was to keep remembering everything. Moreover, you blame yourself for your mother's death."

"I should have saved her. Otherwise, she would have survived," Patricia replied.

"What happened at the time of your mother's death? Did you witness anything disturbing?" Jessica asked, sensing something was amiss.

"I saw a man at the scene of my mom's accident. He was... just standing among the crowd, and watching... with a cold stare," Patricia said.

"And the image of that man still comes to you?" Jessica asked.

Patricia nodded in response.

There was a brief pause for Jessica to take a breath and sigh softly. "You know every human makes mistakes, and so do I," Jessica said then. "But you don't have to blame yourself. Because if you do, you'll only be tormented."

"But my mistake was fatal! My mother died that day, and I couldn't chase after a man who seemed suspicious to me!" Patricia's tone rose. The tightness had already filled the cavity.

Patricia tried to keep the tears from falling. Her expression turned uncomfortable.

"I should have gone after that man... who is that man exactly?"

"Your mother's accident was out of control, Patricia," Jessica replied.

"No, my mother's accident and death have already happened," Patricia replied.

"They attacked you? That nightmare came too?"

Instead of answering Jessica's question, Patricia looked down. In that moment, everything could no longer be avoided or held back. Her hands in her lap unconsciously interlocked, clenching hard as the worry became clearer.

Patricia shook her head, not in response to Jessica's question, but as an automatic reaction to get rid of the bad memory that had caused the upset feeling

"It's all my fault..." The words came out of Patricia's mouth after a few moments of clenching. Within seconds, something she had been holding in her eyes finally slid down her cheeks. "It's all my fault...."

Jessica looked at Patricia without another word. She let the young woman in front of her release what she had been holding in. Silence fell on both of them.

The sound of the clock's seconds reigned throughout the room. Patricia's head fell back as her shoulders began to shake. Jessica chose not to ask any questions. She shifted from her seated position to retrieve something from her bag near the table.

Jessica took something out before moving to her original position. She held out a packet of chocolates to Patricia who was still looking down at the toe of her shoe.

"Everyone's angry, but that doesn't mean it's your fault," Jessica said, quietly and carefully. She was still trying to calm Patricia down. "I heard chocolate can help you feel better. Don't hold it in, let out your anxious feelings."

Patricia looked at the packet of chocolates, then at Jessica who gave her a curved smile. Just then, Patricia felt her tightness getting looser. She looked straight at Jessica.

The drops from her eyes fell harder and harder. Never before had Patricia received such a warm look. Jessica said nothing, nor did she give her a strange look.

"I want to find the person who killed my mother."

***

Patricia's shoes fell off at an inopportune moment!

Patricia hissed in annoyance, then ended up laughing maniacally. How could she be in such a bad mood, her shoes made her mood even worse. She then scrunched her waist staring in disbelief at the toe of her shoe.

"Duh, umpteenth bad luck..." Patricia muttered after sighing. This wasn't a dream, and it really was bad luck coming down on her.

Now, Patricia was confused. She was annoyed but she couldn't just stay silent.

Finally, with a shuffling step because the bottom of her shoe was broken, she walked from where she stood. When her irritation was at its peak, she looked around.

Patricia's gaze fell on the lighted sign with the name of the supermarket a few meters ahead. Her smile curved as an idea struck her.

Still shuffling along, Patricia tried to walk as normally as possible while closing the open toe of her shoe. As much as possible, Patricia did not show her grimacing face.

Although in truth it probably wouldn't be that noticeable to people on the sidewalk because the night conditions were not as bright as the morning.

Unfortunately, the reflection of the lights from several poles along the sidewalk could create the risk of those pairs of eyes seeing Patricia's broken shoe. Where would she put her face if those people saw her later?

Patricia was sure they must have been laughing.

After a long walk down the sidewalk, the supermarket building finally came into view before her eyes. The grin on the woman's face turned into relief. Patricia almost intended to no longer hold her shuffling steps.

Patricia's steps came to a halt when her eyeballs caught sight of a taxi parked on the supermarket grounds, positioned so far to the side that it almost crossed the boundary between the sidewalk and the parking lot.

"Ah, what if he sees me walking like this? He'll laugh at me!" Patricia muttered.

A man of the same age got out of the taxi followed by an older man-Patricia guessed he was the driver. A rough sigh escaped her, which meant she had to abandon her intention to walk without pretending. Her legs were already sore from standing on tiptoe to avoid the gravel on the sidewalk!

Even so, with a scowl on her face, Patricia continued to walk past the two men. Slowly and ignoring what they were talking about, Patricia tried not to look at them.

Patricia pretended to walk normally while closing the broken part of her shoe. She realized that the lights of the supermarket building were very bright, calculating that it was likely that the man and the driver could see her shoe that was broken quite wide.

How embarrassing.

Unfortunately before Patricia could pass the man and the driver, the man noticed her. The two briefly met eyes before Patricia looked away, pretending not to see. Suddenly Patricia was worried that the man had seen her pretending to be normal. But even so, Patricia kept walking.

However, life is often unpredictable and not according to human wishes.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder from behind. Patricia's body jerked, suddenly turning her head with a panicked face. She saw the young man standing looking straight into her eyes. His expression did not show the slightest friendliness.

"Are you alright? What happened to your leg?"

Patricia's face scrunched up as her tactics were revealed. Slightly stammering, she replied, "A-ah, no, it's..."

Patricia paused to think of a plausible answer. "...because there's a rock in my shoe."

"Really?" The man looked in astonishment at Patricia's shoe.

It was hard to come up with a plausible answer in an embarrassing situation like this. Patricia secretly cursed her own lips for making such a ridiculous excuse.

The man frowned uncertainly. Patricia could tell he was definitely not convinced. As a result, one of Patricia's feet was hidden behind the other, covering the broken part behind the shoe that was still fine.

"I think something happened to you," the man said with a brief nod at last.

Patricia's reply was a smile. Her body was busy keeping her balance so as not to daze to the side. The man then walked away, and Patricia let out a sigh of relief.

"It's okay. You can go now," Patricia said while restraining herself from grimacing.

Immediately one of her legs that had been hidden behind the other leg was taken out. Patricia looked at the bottom of the gaping toe of her shoe, exhaling as if to get rid of her irritation.

Patricia did not realize that the man had silently turned his head, watching her inspect the shoe. That was not his concern, but the open toe of her shoe.

The man noticed Patricia's broken shoe.

At that moment, Patricia's head snapped up and she was wide-eyed to see the man watching her. That gaze seemed to be asking: since when did you notice me?

And then the man sighed as he put both hands in his pants pockets, waiting for Fira to walk towards him. This time her walk was not normal.

"Something happened to you, you're lying," the man said as Patricia got closer until she was two steps ahead of him.

"Hey, stop it. Don't do anything. I'm not lying-"

"Your leg is hurt," said the man who noticed the blisters on Patricia's leg.

Only then could Patricia no longer dodge. She flinched. Intending not to respond to the man - she remembered that they had just met - she walked past.

"Don't force yourself to walk, you'll hurt your leg even more," the man said, then looked at Fira who didn't seem to care about his words. The man's eyes darted around, checking the seats, then raised one hand as a signal for Patricia to stop walking.

"Sit on those benches over there. Let me go inside," he said in a tone as if he didn't want any argument.

Patricia's steps stopped. Their eyes met Patricia's lazy ones.

"What are you going to do?" asked Patricia.

"I have something to buy. I'm uncomfortable seeing you walking around like that."

Patricia snorted softly as she looked away.

"I can do it myself," said Patricia, who was about to move on.

But the man chuckled and instead followed suit, standing in front of Patricia, walking backwards. His index finger was pointed at Patricia's shoe.

"Don't act strong in this situation," the man grumbled.

Before Patricia could reply, the man had already turned around and was running a short distance into the supermarket building. Meanwhile, Patricia slowly slowed down. Her face looked both astonished and stunned as she watched the man's back.

Even Patricia still didn't understand why the man suddenly approached her and acted as if they knew each other?

For a moment, Patricia thought of something. When the man went inside the supermarket, Patricia frowned. Why wasn't the man laughing at all?

"Who is that guy exactly?"