Amelias Insecurity

“Can you please take that thing out of my sight?” My eyebrows were twitching in annoyance while my breath started to become rapid. The only sound surrounding the whole place is the sound of cluttering cutlers while my maids remained feigned in fear.

It’s been two days since I locked myself in my room. How can I not? After what had happened?

I threw another glance at the poor maids on the floor peeking up the specks of my food.

Tss! I can’t believe men are drooling over the freaking women! What do they even see in her, enough that they’re even fighting over her for a fucking muse position in a basketball team?

Damn it, this is so crazy!

I just don’t know where the hell did they get the idea of her being a beautiful maiden! Like fuck my shit! She can’t even compare to me!

And what’s more annoying is that my parents agreed on the idea and I ended up locking myself in my room to contain the anger in me.

“Fucking idiots.” I gritted my teeth and then ripped up Febi’s photo on the side of my table.

I faked my health and pretended to be ill to avoid the eyes of the people.  I told them that my body feels heavy due to the training we had. But most importantly, I pretended to do it so I could receive attention from my parents and yet it didn’t even seem to work!

I rolled my eyes on the side.

What the hell is wrong with them? They’re so caring over a maid’s daughter and yet they can’t even visit their own child who is sick in bed.

“Ah, how I wish you died in the past!”

Ever since we were little, I have already achieved almost everything. I did my best in school and even claimed almost all the medals and yet just one medal from Febi and it already makes them so pleased!

What’s wrong with me? Aren’t I their daughter and not her?

Ate always told me to appreciate Febi as much as I can even at the cost of their unfair treatment of me. Bullshit.

Just as I was about to make a few more inches towards the edge of the bed, I ended up making a loud thud on the floor, giving me a hard impact on my hinge.

“Damn it!” I cussed from my accidental fall.

I really hate my life.

It’s so irritating! Why am I even jealous of a lower person like her when I’m at the top of my chain? I deserve all of the praises and attention, not her; not a plain woman like her.

“Reina?”

Just as I was contemplating to myself, the door creaked open and I heard a voice from outside the door.

I immediately faked my tears and she saw me slumped down on the floor.

“What the heck? What the hell are you doing there?” She immediately came to my aid and helped me stand up while my tears continued to stream down.

His name is Yules and he is the business partner of my father; the youngest of Mr. Gozon’s sons and truth to be told, I really admire his father’s features.

Mr. Gozon is a full Russian; he has all the characteristics I want for a man although of course he is married to his wife. Katsuta’s mother on the other hand is a half-Filipina and Japanese and she also looked charismatic in the eye.

He’s probably here today for a weekly meeting with my father.

“The maid said you didn’t eat your lunch and so I wanted to check if you’re okay.” He put his palm across my forehead.

I could see the worriedness in his face as he put me back on my bed and laid me with a blanket.

“I’m not okay. I feel so bad because of everything that is happening in school. It’s so unacceptable! I am way better than her; prettier and more!” I started to rant my feelings out when he suddenly flicked my forehead.

What the hell?

“Attitude always wins, Reina. Even if you ask me, my answer would be the same. She’s a very friendly, approachable and bubbly person. And compared to you, you might bite anyone at their slightest mistake. It’s one of the reasons why most people are afraid of you. You’re almost perfect if it weren’t for your attitude.”

My forehead aligned as though it was a crescent moon while my eyebrows were unparalleled and paralleled at the same time. I immediately got up from my bed and squinted my eyes.

“Don’t tell me, you like Febi as well, that’s why you also talk to me like this?”

My eyes never left his, looking intently onto his orbs.

He looked away from me.

What the hell? I can’t believe this!

“Whatever! Go crazy about her, to hell I care! Don’t ever come back here, Yules!” I turned away from him, only to feel his arms around my body.

And does he think he’ll be able to comfort me with an embrace?

“Hey, don’t feel sad,” he said, his voice vibrating towards his epigram and leaning towards my back. I yanked his hands away and clicked my tongue.

“No, don’t ever touch me. I won’t talk to you anymore. I know I have no one I can lean on, that’s how my life has always been. I’m always alone. All of you are the same,” I said, my tears starting to build up in my eyes.

It’s just so annoying. Why does she take everything from me? What’s so good about her?

“Why don’t you try to change or fix what’s wrong with you, Reina?” The tears in my eyes managed to stop for a second upon the words I heard.

Did he just tell me to change just to be accepted?

My eyes couldn’t help but feel surprised until the blood in me started to boil. I can’t believe this!

“Yules, enough,” I started. “If that’s what you think of me then do so but I will never change myself for the likes of other people. You’re the same as them!” I yelled and then gritted my teeth. “If you don’t like me that much then just leave me alone and go to Febi or something! Fuck you! Fuck all of you!” I immediately got up from my bed and then walked towards the door. I can’t deal with this sort of shit!

Everyone is on her side. Why is she so good at taking people?

“Reina, are you feeling better?” I coincidentally met Febi in the hallway. I ignored her and kept walking until I felt her touch my arm.

I yanked it away. I am not in a good mood right now.

“Do I look okay to you, Febi? Does it look like I’m okay?” The tears in my eyes were starting to build up again before I immediately turned and walked away.

Sometimes, I feel so mad. Why do I have to be jealous over a girl like her? Why does it feel like I am at odds even at home with a daughter of a maid?

I walked straight towards my car at our garage and opened the door. Once I entered and sat on the driving seat, the tears in my eyes finally rolled down one by one and I couldn’t help but just scream aloud.

Fuck! My life is such a waste!

Lorenz, my friend Yules, even Troy… all of them like Febi! Why? What’s so good about her? Why isn’t it me? Why isn’t it me that they like?

“I loathe you, Febi! All of you!” I yelled and cried out loud while maneuvering the wheels however I wanted. I was driven by my own insanity and anger.

The tears in my eyes continued to flow down as my eyebrows were arched.

The trees were moving steadily while the rain started to pour down. I fought with my mind for a second before I realized I had nowhere to go. There was no direction in my life… to where I am going.

Is this how my life has always been?

I immediately halted my car, pressing onto the brake and putting it at the side when I realized that the rain was pouring heavier.

“Damn it,” I cussed, wiping off the tears in my eyes. The road was starting to fog immediately while the rain continued to stream down my windshield.

I won’t be able to roam further because of this godforsaken rain.

I rolled my eyes on the side and grabbed onto my phone to call home. As soon as I opened it, floods of text messages and calls reigned on my screen. And most of them were from my ate and… Febi.

What the hell? Does she have no common sense at all? She’s invading even my cellphone for fuck’s sake!

I ignored all of her text messages and went straight to the home screen. Just as my eyes landed at the apps installed on my phone, I managed to see an unfamiliar app.

My forehead creased.

When did I ever install this? It was a dating app that seemed new to my eyes.

I might have downloaded this while I was drunk the last time after browsing on my social media and noticed Febi on the top of my notifications.

She was the hottest choice for the sports festival of the university as the muse.

I shook my head. Damn it, why do I have the same mutual as her anyway? I don’t want to be reminded of her!