The Numb Wife

Shin Alexandra Ferrell, is a woman that went through hell multiple times – that is what people who know her name call her. It is fitting to say that it already became her alias. In her twenty-seven years of existence, she had already experienced and seen all the things that any person could experience and witness in their whole existence. But even if that is already the case, it seems like God has still a lot in store for her

Does she believe in God? No one knows if she does believe in God or if she is even affiliated with any religion that exists in society. It is probably her pretty little secret but there is also a high chance that she doesn't either way, no one in her circle would say that God is challenging her to make her stronger than she already is. Shin, as well as the people around her, would immediately blame it all on the path that she took due to her rare circumstance – a path that she will no longer be able to leave unless she loses her life.

*

"After a year, I finally returned to this dreadful place" that is what I said to myself as I got a glimpse of the tall infrastructure, and even if it is tiny from my viewpoint – I could still see the beauty of the place, I could still recognize the tourists' spots yet despite its beauty there are a lot of painful memories as well. Memories take a lot of effort to forget or maybe it is hard to forget because it is already embedded in my whole identity.

In one way or another, I have already come to terms with those memories because I have recognized the fact that there is actually nothing that I could do anymore and due to that I have already just let it be and continue with my life – which is already an ending life.

"We welcome you to the X country, the country of smiles and kind people. We at Northeast Airlines wish you a fun and safe stay here and of course, we hope that you will still choose us for your next trip" the voice of the pilot of the airplane that I am in echoed around the speakers. And since he already said those words, it is more than obvious that we are already about to land and more or less I am already able to see those who are waiting for my return.

Or is there anyone who is waiting for my return? Well, I don't care whether there is or there isn't that is not even what I am after when I returned to this place.

*

"Thank you for choosing our airlines, Ms. Ferrell," one of the stewardesses said and I just nod my head in response. I do think that a nod is already enough because I am not required to answer her directly. Not to mention the fact as well that, choosing their airlines as the ones to bring me to my destination is indeed already a big thing and that they really should be thankful because my name is already recorded in their system and since I choose their airlines among the other available ones that means that they can also use my name as a part of their advertisement.

Well, it is not that I care about that – honestly, they can use my name whenever they want to, they just have to make sure that they use it right. I think that they will use it right in the first place because they will have to suffer the consequences if they don't and they wouldn't like it when I am mad.

After that, I continued on my way towards the exit so that I can return home all ready for me to finally have a rest – more than thirteen hours of flight is no joke. Although it is much more convenient than a ship, still it is pretty much tiring especially if there are sudden interruptions in the flight such as bad weather, but I guess I am still lucky enough that there were no interruptions in my flight when I arrived on time and safely in this country. Although, I could have wished that something bad happened so that I will no longer have to see the light of day again.

Kidding.

I still do not wish to die or rather the right phrase is that it is still not time yet for me to leave the world and go to the afterlife because I still have lots of things to do and I cannot leave until I accomplished those things.

As I walk towards the exit, of course, I had my head held up high – I am pretty confident in myself because there is no reason for me not to be confident in the first place. I am a Ferrell and I am supposed to live up to our family name. As I take the path toward the exit to leave the airport, I noticed that there are a lot of people who are looking at me. Well, I guess that is because they can recognize me even though it has been a year ever since I have shown my face to the public.

"Should I commend them for having quite a sharp memory?"

Well, maybe that is also a given that they will recognize me immediately since I have appeared quite a lot on billboards and in magazines because of my position in the business world although I am a woman.

As I continued on my way, I cannot help but notice familiar figures just a few steps away from me although I have been away from this country for a year, there is no way that I would forget the faces of the individuals that I am close with. Even if I want to forget them, I cannot and I guess one of the factors is because we have been together since our high school days, I think? Well, that's the only thing that I could remember anyway.

"I told you she's going to come back today" that is what I heard and it sounds like they are waiting for me to return every single day. Does that mean that they have been coming here to the airport every single day since I left the country? Well, honestly that is quite a hard thing to believe since I have known them for so long and they can't be that patient in the first place.

They are pretty impatient people and it is such a shock that I can see them right now even if I haven't informed anyone that I am going to come back. They are supposed to be clueless but here they are, I can see them right before my eyes.

And so, I walked towards them and they had this huge smile plastered on their faces while I, on the other hand, has this stoic expression – well, it is not even new to them in the first place that I have such an expression. A stoic expression is my daily expression, even in magazines or on billboards, I always keep a straight face. Well, I guess it is because I really cannot smile but I am not going to lie, there was once a time that I was able to smile genuinely however right now even if the feeling that I felt in the past will return and that I will once again feel the butterflies in my stomach or anything else, I do not think that I am still able to smile genuinely or rather in a general sense anymore because of a lot of things.

"What are you doing here?" I asked and the four looked at each other and then back at me when they looked at me that is the moment as well that they let out a smile which creep me out because this is the first time that I have seen them smile altogether – from what I can remember they are not the ones that will let out a smile that easy. If I am a person that does not smile and always keeps a stoic expression plastered on my face, these four are also quite similar because they are individuals who also rarely smile.

"We're waiting for your return, Shin Alexandra" that is what one of them said who is none other than Sebastian. He is a friend of mine – a long-time friend to be exact and his speaking first also amused me because he is the silent type, he is usually not the one who speaks first, or rather he does not really speak especially during a conversation and him speaking first right now is something new.

"And when did you learn to communicate first, Sebastian? I have been gone only for a year but it seems like a lot of things have changed huh?" That is what I stated and the four once again looked at each other and they synchronously shrug their shoulders as if they don't exactly know what I am talking about. Or rather they know what I am talking about but of course, they are not going to spill all the tea right now since we are still here inside the airport and it is not ethical if we are to talk about those things now.

"Well, I guess you have also a lot of things to say and even I have lots of questions for you four so let's leave and go home because we have a lot of catching up to do" that is what I said and the four once again nod their heads in response.

Surprisingly, the four are very obedient – it seems like they are not the same Sebastian, Kristian, Jake, and Travis that I knew from the past, I guess, it is fitting to say that they have grown into more mature individuals and that is already to be expected since they are already old enough for child's play.

They are no longer children that need to still have fun and enjoy life – they already have a life and the only thing that they need to do is to act maturely and make sure that the life that they have acquired is a life that is well spent and that they are not making decisions that they are still going to regret later on just like the decisions that they have made in the past.

Although I didn't regret a single thing that happened, I am more than certain as well that it is not the same case for these four. I know that at some point there are things that they have regretted doing and that they thought if only they could turn back time, then more or less, they have already done to change what had happened.

Honestly, I already have a hunch on what are those things but at the same time I no longer want to reveal it, I am just letting them be and if they have changed into a new version of themselves, I just hope that it is the better version and not the worse one but either way, I accept them for who they are because that is what a leader should do – to accept his or her members genuinely because that is one of the reasons to avoid any conflict that may happen inside the group especially knowing the fact that we are what others call as the ones who started it all.

But in one way or another, I honestly cannot help but be curious as well about what they are about to share – what exactly happened in that one year that I am away from this place to recuperate and of course to condition myself as I start the plan that I have crafted in that year as well.

*to be continued*