Cold blood love

INTRO

I hugged him tight, assuring him I meant what I said. Tears streamed down my cheeks, blurring the faces of my brother and boyfriend as they watched in horror, slowly realizing what I was about to do. He began to pull away, but I held him tighter, my heart hammering in my chest as I took the final step backward, dragging him with me over the edge of the cliff. In that fleeting moment, reality sunk in like a sink hole. I was choosing to die just to bring with, the person I despised the most in this world.

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DIARY ENTRY-

Have you ever wondered what it feels like, when a sharp object meets the skin, just enough to graze it, not enough to harm it, but enough to see if you can still feel anything. Anything other than that feeling of rejection, depression, anger, and sorrow. 

The hope that maybe somewhere, someone cares that you exist. That maybe, just maybe, even you care about your existence. That you're... not alone. I know what it's like. I've done it more times than I can count.

Any sharp object would do. Sometimes a kitchen blade, other times the jagged edge of shattered glass. I'd let it glide over the skin on my arms slowly, deliberately. It stings for just a split second then the blood pools from the cuts left behind.

I've been doing it since age twelve after being raped and going through the process of no one believing me and shower after shower trying to wash away... trying to wash away the feeling of utter disgust. Trying to take back my body with soap, water, and a pouf.

Just like a tattoo that feeling of… feeling like waste after your stepfather has had a long night doing whatever he wanted to u sticks. It's permanent. And in his twisted words... you are his and only his. You are permanently his. Nothing but a toy thats only disposed of when he decides. I thought living was hard as hell but so is dying. 

Sixteen failed suicide attempts. Back to square one. Living a nightmare you can't die or wake up from is all there is in my world. Welcome to hell. 

-Sky

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