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To-morrow?

Chapter 4 No.4

Word Count: 8363    |    Released on: 01/12/2017

and the pile of manuscript lay growing dusty in its corner. Then at last the day arrived when the final line was written and the whol

on, Vic," he used to say. "Catch me bothering

gush of fresh life ran through me and stirred in my veins in response to the fresh life of spring that seemed in the su

sat up as I came in, and regarded me with a confused stare. I s

ve!" he remarked

self into the chair opposite him-"no, thank heaven, it'

e said, blinking his heavy eyes and looking at me resentf

ed, that's all," I answered. "I am to let t

ting out a roll of cigarette papers and b

as bent slightly as he made the cigarettes, so that I could hardly see it. I

s from the book. I really don't care much about the terms. Once the book is out my name is made, and the money wil

in the chair and propped his feet up a

re was silence, then he asked abruptly-"Ho

housand

denly and fixed

do with it?" he ask

hought you would like two thousand to send h

ly crimson, and he brought down hi

ed you for it!" he said savagely, spr

deep into his pockets. I was fairly startled, a

unt of what we said to each other, that I had expressed the thought uppermost in my mind at the moment of his question as a matter of course. Th

stood between me and the light; "there must b

enerally yielded to me with an almost womanly compliance. His present tone and manner were absolutely new to me. I did n

what is the matter? I am s

me suddenly f

r cursed book?" he said, passionately. "Do you suppose I

his inability, real or imagined, to get it, the last remark seemed rather odd,

money as a convenience, pro tem, as it happened to be at hand, that's all. But surely it

he had not made more of his own work, and jealous of my succe

m me again, and I caught a mu

the moment, I strolled back into the centre of

ith contemptuous amusem

Lucia, and I saw her face, glowing with delight,

ss you?" was my one thought

ut I shortened and shortened the ti

let it be in a fortnigh

ition in the window. A very little day-dreaming is enough for me,

for a turn with Nous, but I wil

to walk to the Arc, and the distance there and back would have taken me, as I had said, ti

ged for now. My whole system seemed crying out for it. Of all the benefits the just-accomplished work would bring, celebrity, money, even, yes,

s transfused through me, and seemed communicated from the mind to the body and t

fact, there seemed an unusually brilliant light in the room. Nous and I went up the stairs. He seemed to know and feel his master's good spirits, and kept licking my hand at in

his heels in front of the grate and seemingly stirring or poking something beneath the bars. Some, I can hardly define what, instinct, guided my eyes to the side table where I had left my manuscript.

gments. With a curse I sprang towards the fender, but Nous was quicker than I. Either divining my intention, or made suspicious by t

and grasped a long table knife that lay, together with the string that had held my manuscript, beside him on the floor. He seized it, and in an instant, before my eyes, he had plunged it deep into the

g him with blazing eyes. Then one step forward and I was upon him. My two hands closed like steel ro

and devil!" I muttered, and I saw

ng ashes round me, came home to me till my brain seemed breaking asunder with anger. To murder him came the impulse! How? There were a thousand ways! To grind my fingers still deeper into his throat-THUS! THUS! Or that long knife that lay there on the rug, driven into and twisted round in his breast; or that sharp corner of the fender to batter out his brains; or drag him through the long, open win

throat, and dropped him upon the ground as I would have dropped a loathsome rag. I watched him rise to his knees, trembling,

hurried to the communicating door and

gainst the flimsy door would have crushed it in. And I was left standing there alone in th

ring it, made the tinder creak in the grate as

direct to the page before me, and there it stood, without alteration, without correction. I never wanted to touch it or change it after it was once written. I was struck down, back again to the foot of the hill of work up which I had been struggling twelve months. Lucia, celebrity, pleasure, liberty, everything I coveted was now removed, taken far off into indefinite distance from me. For twelve months they had been coming nearer, steadily nearer, with each accomplished page, and to-day, only to-day, I had left the publisher's office knowing they were close to me, almost within my very arms. Like the prisoner serving his time in gaol, and living, as it were, in the last day that sets him free, I had been living these twelve months in the day when the last line should be written. Now all to be recommenced from the wearying, sickening beginning. And why? Why had he done it? That I could not understand. As a

e was irreplaceable. The fervour of a past inspiration, like the fervour of a past desire, can never be recalled. I gazed down into the grate and felt, stealthily creeping upon me, as if it had been a beast with me in th

l system till it seemed like poison pouring through my veins. Every pulse, beating convulsively in arms and chest and neck, seemed to clamour together in hungry fury. I leant there trying to stifle, to kill the thoughts that came and beat down the brutal rage.

I muttered at intervals; "what an unutterable devil." I don't know how long I walked up and down, but suddenly a sense of physical fatigue, of collapse, forced itself upon me. I thre

lligences, because they have always their own particular views on everything, he had given a great deal of trouble. He had gnawed up my important business letters when cutting his teeth; he ha

art off at a gallop in the opposite direction to the station, and pay absolutely no attention to the most distracted whistling and calling. Nothing for it but to

him within an inch of his life!" w

answer, fastening on the dog's collar, and making hi

, Vic. If you gave him a good kic

eturned, "but I should never forgive my

eral answer, in a contemptuous tone, at which I used to shr

m. Besides, in all physical violence towards another object there is a peculiar, dangerous, seductive fascination. Once indulged in at all, it grows rapidly a

joy, similar to the joy in intoxication, but if only the habit can be f

ies in laying the first stones of its foundation. If this is done the fabric will then go on buildi

ll he have an abhorrence of scattering them to the idle winds at the bidding of the first fool who chances to vex him. But if he forms the habit of h

to kick it when it comes accidentally in his way, and then go o

ection, or any other nonsense to cover my own ill-temper. As a matter of fact, he soon learnt it was uninteresting to be brought back to the very same corner from where he had started and have to w

more than repaid me. Some men, of course, don't want affection.

see anything-man, woman, servant, dog, anything-start in terror at my foots

I trod upon his foot accidentally, or fell over him in the dark. Knowing that he had never had a voluntary blow fr

an accident. I know, I a

my bed, and his death now in my service left a heavy, jagged-edged wound. As I sat there in the corner of the co

ed, and then the handle was grasped and cautiously revolved. He evidently hoped I was asleep, and w

ome forward or retreat. He did not look particularly happy as a result of his work. His face was pallid a

nt?" I said, as

s, Victor. I l

te safe. Did you think I should act as you

ervous, hurried approach to the table, and the trembling of

me-a look that he seemed unable to abstain from giving, though against his will. I met his glance, and he hur

d not return to it till the evening. At noon I called upon the publisher and explained that an unfor

s unfortunate, but that without doubt M'sieur would make all haste t

ng my lips and throat

nal, not a copy. I have no copy o

y have his notes, his priv

way. There is not a scrap of

looked at me in a long silence

d that he does not intend to allow o

ntimated that he thought the whole thing an invention, and that

means of reproducing it, therefore it is impossible

over his ears, bowed, spread out the palms of

us voulez

e assumed me to be one. There was

lt tired in every muscle. Then I sat thinking on a bench in a green corner of the Champs Elysees, watching absently the sun patches jump from leaf to

quite a little crowd of figures clustered round my door, all talking at once in their shri

s reached me as I

s dis, je ne

est impo

en re

vous? C'est

of the hotel in the greatest agitation, the manager in his shirt sleeves, two or three waiters, a man looking like a gendarme, and another official with a paper in his hand

a respons

n'en sava

abimer no

ra tout d

which produced the effect of cold thrown suddenly in boiling water. The little crowd pressed in

impressive tone, "I am in

odd

he accent on the la

I said. "Yes"-and I wondered mo

h excited rage, "how is it, Monsieur, you

rtance. Involuntarily, I glanced round at the others as the Commissionaire scowled threateningly at me. They noted my glance, and

'expli

voye

t d'e

oom! You hope to escape the eye of the law! You would bring disgrace on the gendarmerie, on the municipality of Paris! You laugh at our regulations, M'sieur, you laugh!" and he b

desperately somehow. "You go out in the morning," he continued, furiously, "and

le value of conciliation. It saves one such an infinity of trouble. I suppose I lean naturally towards it. At any rate, I always feel this-that if yo

human being, however aggressive he may be at first, that does not melt into respect before an imperturbable civility. I felt in this case, too, that I was probably in the wrong from their

ention of breaking any regulations. I was not aware that a

ple face opposite m

that, when any animal dies in a private dwelling-house, the fact shall be notified wit

on me with breath

egulation. If I had, I should have complied w

ure of magnificent condescension. His whole attitude expressed clearly that so enlightened and culture

hink, M'sieur, of the risk to which your conduct has exposed others. Think of the pollution of the a

ers, and a sympathetic shudd

lt strongly inclined to derisive

t is to be

sieur!" he answered, with a t

ow

ger will

ad slept at my side, and often been held in my arms, now to be flung upon a dust heap, with the rotting ma

y the dog some

"These are the rules,-that all dead

r in the interview; if I had, he would certainly now have dragged the dog from me with every species of indignity and insult

hotel, "would let me purchase a piece of ground for a grave in

o think his fury had been somewhat misdirected, hastened to assure me that I need not consider the matter; that not only was a portion, bu

d the onlookers, their sym

auvre

affection

chien, c'e

c'est toujou

tion thus backed up by the prevaili

this gentleman will see that the grave is deep enough to protect the health of the public, I believe I may safely grant y

hand to him

emely obli

his, and laid his left

sincere sympa

le document he had shaken in my face, he retreated down the corridor,

, M'sieur," he said; "and you sh

m and entere

ht quite dark, and a gusty wind blowing. We crossed the yard to where a broad flower-bed was planted. Here a grave, wide and deep enough for a human being, had been dug. A lantern, in which the flame

listening to the steady fall of the earth and its dull thud, thu

enched through, he h

I said;

en he had finished, when the grave was filled and the upper soil smoothed over, I turned and, mentally and physically chilled, went slowly back into the hotel. As I entered the gas-lit corridor I saw a figure there at the door. It was Howard. He wa

riedly, in an uncertain t

My impulse was to stretch out my right arm and fell him to the ground with a blow th

have a scene here

seconds. You always used to say you would never re

ntrolled the loathing I had of him, of hi

," and we went

sac, black and empty. Down this we turned, and whe

d give worlds to replace it now if I could. I have been utterl

cannot re-write my manuscr

ink! I can't understand it! If y

is?" I asked; "because this sort of t

ends always; but I suppose that can never be again now! But still it was an impulse, a sudden impulse, only because I was so jealous of you! It w

parably destroy the year's work, and all the hopes of a man who was an intimate friend, and against whom you had never had th

w than otherwise; but the hatred I felt of him I

in his

s at an end?" he said,

this, that you knew was so completely blasting to all my own desires. This shows me what your feelings must have been at the time, at any rate, and remember a thick manuscript is not burnt in a minute. How long must it have taken you to destroy

my lips upon the

is almost as degrading t

t upon us both, and, as his figure came distinctly before my eyes, I felt one intolerable desire to leap upon him-this miserable creature wh

elings were, coward as he was, he would n

out telling you how infinitely I regret it all. If you can never be my fri

ry so wanton, so excuseless! Every sava

some, but the injury, the actual injury, the positive loss to me been less, I could have forgiven; but the blow was so sharp, the damage so irremediable, I could not. E

power that those vanished paper pages had been pregnant with for me. He was leaving Paris, he sa

ndone work. To recommence, to take up the old burden, to start it all over again, now when I had just made myself free! To be shackle

hope had been rekindled; then, if he asked, but now-The days before me stretched such a bitter, hopeless blank! And

, and was perhaps wishing still, even now, when he professed to be so anxious for forgiveness. I glanced towards his face opposite me, but it was too dark t

power. Thrash him! Half kill him now while you have the chance! But I did not stir. Vengeance has always seemed to me a poor thing. Supposing... A

life, and I hated, purely hated him. I turned a step aside, his

muttered; "

is hand on my arm, and at the t

could express myself, but I can't. If you knew-I would

as I shook off his detestable touch. "Fool! You can talk now! Replace a s

paler. I saw that,

, now," he said; "but it is s

penetrate to the better part of man. The truth, the unerring force, the reflections of this life's chances and decrees in those words went home. It was not open to him n

lt before the injury? This is impossible. Do what I would that affection I had had for him could nev

ence towards him, the thought of him and of his act. To say the words now, and let the time to come slowly fill them with tr

n be of very serious import to you,"

th me, then, won't you?"

mine and took his, and held i

her a strained voice, "I shall neve

the alley, and the darkness closed up after him. I leant silent against the wall, hating

rute," I thought mechanically. "Later I shall be glad,"-and similar ph

gone. In the grate, and scattered over the carpet, remained still remnants of black tinder. I felt suddenly tired, worn out. I flung myself, dressed as I

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