The Girl He didn't choose

e choke-point by the science wing, the way he waited half a second longer than necessary when a door swu

ndfather. "He said listening was fifty percent of fi

k with people

s moving over my face like

feels accidental right up until you

ter he did. Our kids were siblings who fought over a single mechanical pencil like it was a crown. When he separated them with a

for pep rallies, megaphone, glitter, the whole public performance of joy. I went because she asked, and be

invited him and he unders

the top row, knees pulled to my ches

sit?" h

aid, because my mouth

y meds. Vivienne, down front, whipped the cheer line into a perfect pyra

t," Victor sai

ut w

e on the field, not me.

nd shadows aren

n. "I didn't s

. I could smell the soap on his hoodie, something clean, not a cologne that tries t

s, cheeks flushed, hair coming loose like the good kind of

part where I'm incre

rom space," I sa

knee. "Are you coming to the party after? My place. My parents are in Aspen pretendin

led, half-in. "Maybe. I said

ed logistical, emotional, and sociological barri

ivienne was already stand

shoulder, not unkindly. Then she was g

I felt that old word swim up (ghost). The stadium r

st. "Do you

y. Then, because truth

understood both. "

felt like a prom

with bass heavy enough to rearrange organs, someone's laugh spilling down

o pretend the hummus needs protection. Victor stood with me. H

, voice low enough that the qu

easier to be lonely in a crowd. Yo

ed it like a planet, and then put it back down gent

around my waist and tugged us towards the living room. "Dance with

like a note in a locker. Every time I looked up, his eyes were on me, not the room

the soundtrack of people pretending they weren't waiting for something to happen. I saw him listen to her the way he listens to everyone, full

as a seed. Future-tense.

o breathe. The night air was co

you disa

host

at.

: come

enne's laughter floated through the open door, brigh

co

glass of water like it was important. When h

"I was..." He didn't fi

k, my voice stead

around stones. He told me about the star his grandfather used to poi

t called?

miled at himself. "He didn't care about th

, my heart doing its b

said. "It's

the entryway. Vivienne's silhouette cut across the light.

aid, like she'd been l

e. Our knees were almost touching. Vivienne flopped down on the ste

aid. "It's like you're commun

g about stars

me. "Make a wish," she s

ed Victor watch her, watched myself

ow. But I've never been greedy with the universe. Or m

ge to be seen even whe

ourage takes longer than a wi

en his quiet hands and her bright la

s out, is its own k