Her Miscarriages, Their Dark Secret

thin and sharp in my lungs. I sat on t

missed me, how he counted the seconds until he could be home to hold me and

Tears dripped onto the expensive stationery, blurring t

settled over me. There were no more

ivate doctor Axel had arranged, but the public hosp

who loved it, grandparents who cherished it. It deserved more

ed my old da

the international choreography program," I told

d. "Calista? Is that you? We thou

id, the lie tasting li

commitment. I held the spot for you as long as I could, but the final confirmations

rstand,

out this? You so

my voice hard. There was

you the final paperwork. It just needs you

e letter and consent forms were already there

f laughter. It drifted from the living room,

around th

s face, usually a mask of political calculation, was soft with adoration. He was

being fed a piece of fr

line whined, pushing the for

. "Come on, Addy-cat, just one more bite. It's good for

eling like it was made of lead. I

om doting father to concerned husband. He carefully ha

, wrapping his arms around me.

I just stared pas

parents looked awkward. Adeline clutched a pillo

"Adeline has had a difficult time. She has nowhere else to go. We tho

his," my mother added, her eye

he whispered, the picture of a desperate, victimized mother. "I kn

to my husband. "What

he child, a flash of raw emotion cr

he said, his voice a perfect imi

throat. "Fine," I said, the word

ly started giving orders to the staff, arrangin

postpartum meals," he instructe

on my back in that familiar, comforting gestu

d. A constant stream of deliveries. Baby

of the packing slips. The

y. "It's getting noisy out here. Let's get you to be

e. I was too

touch gentle and ca

said, his excuse flimsy. "Make sure they

in his eyes as he left the room.

tchen. He went straigh

point in trying to force him to stay. His heart, his

quiet. Then I got out of be

trace of my life with him. Photos, gifts, clothes.

bedroom doo

line was hiding behind him, peeri

suitcases. "What are you doi

I just kept folding a

has better sunlight. It's better for the baby's

, Barbara, bustled in, holding th

ove to the guest room down the

ct blend of fear and apology. Axel instinctively shifted, p

faces, a united

d. A calm,

said. "Anything