Hate That I Still Love You

's Poin

art slowly. White walls. Beeping machines. A stiff mattress beneath me. This isn't home. This isn't any

ls leaden as if weighed down by invisible chains. Panic claws at the edges of my consciousness, threatening to c

bedside-a doctor, clad in a crisp white coat, their expression unreadable. I open my

r says, their voice gentle yet

ng? Confused. Terrified. Lost. But above all, I feel... numb. Numb to the world around m

oak out, my voice barely above a wh

le to ease the knot of anxiety tightening in my chest. "Yo

than the last. The confrontation with Scott and Katrina. The torrential rain. Th

my voice trembling with uncertai

g within me. "You were found unconscious on the side of the road," they

ky to be alive, but at what cost? My heart feels heavy with the weight o

call?" I ask, my voice barely abo

tests first, just to be sure you're okay," they say, their tone reassuri

er of just how alone I am in this world. Scott, Katrina-once my pillars o

left alone with my thoughts, the weight of my newfound real

antly, how do I begin to pick up the sha

I lay there, trying to piece together the fragmented memories of the night before. The cold, unyielding surface b

sheaf of papers in hand. Their expression was a carefully balanced mask of professionalism

steady yet unmistakably cautious, "the

Anxiety gnawed at my insides as I braced myself for more bad news. Had t

"During our examination and the subsequent tests we perfor

emed impossible, surreal. How could I, in the midst of the deepest despair I had ever known, f

my voice a mere whisper, drowned out b

did little to steady my reeling thoughts. "Yes, we are quite c

***

older than usual when I stepped

ussed over, the books stacked neatly by the shelf, untouched for weeks. This place

ked into my room. My fingers trailed over the s

ll

s. Growing. Unaware of the mess they were coming into. I slid onto the edge of my bed, the same bed I u

y I'll spoil the hell out of our baby." I remembered that moment, that warm glow in his eyes.

a j

amn everything I gave up for people who never deserved me. I moved on instinct, pulling out my suitcase and throwing it open. One aft

of my life

it was

my mother and left it

ace-to breathe, to heal, to find myself again. I'll

ati

, stood upright, and

r at the airpo

flight announcements cutting through the air like sharp knives. And her

hone in hand. The lock s

ed for a second. Then-delete. I went further. Deleted the chat history. The vo

t wasn't

s-he'd find me. Not this time. I won't let you. My hand tightened around the phone until my fingers ached.

n. Hard. The screen cracke

the

nce held promises. Then, without another thought, I stood, walked to the nearest trash can, and dropped

ning as I headed for the boarding gate. I whispered to my

o star