When Love Makes Her Sick

phia got sick. A real sickness this time. A

t her soup and tea, checked her temperature, and sat by he

reach for my hand, her fingers weak but clinging to mine. Once, in the middle of the night,

," she mumble

simple, unguarded affection. For a moment, I let myself believe that maybe her illn

hope was

t she was lucid. And the wall was back, stronger than eve

follow-up. While we were in t

ick. I was so worried," h

and tired, immediately brightened.

alone," he said with a charming g

mfort. The contrast between how she was with him and how she had been with me just moments b

uld wait out here? Ma

t I just nodded, my face a bl

I sat back down, the cheerful posters about healthy living on the walls m

on the couch. Mark had left, a

hospital?" I asked,

s amazing. He even told the do

d to feed her the one thing that seemed to make her

ng," I lied. "He said to tell you he' s

d. A real, genuine smile spread across her

rt was from Mark. I was just the

, the fina

ldn' t stop thinking about leaving. The plan was solidifyi

er sleep. She mumbled somethin

eart pounding for a r

heard it, c

ark

soft, longing sigh. S

subconscious-they all belonged to him. I was just a placeholder, a caretaker. For three year

Every time I had tried to be close to her, every time she had flinched away, every time she had vomited. It wasn' t a mysterio

' t have a reason, just a knot of dread

m the living room. Sophia' s laughter. It was light and c

nter. Mark was sitting next to her, close. Too close. He was holding a mug, and he took a sip fr

asn'

asn'

n' t re

image of casual, domestic intimacy. The kind of intimacy I had starved for. The kind

looked up,

ice a little too bright. She quickly moved away fr

the shared mug on the coffee table. At the comfo

p the dust. I felt a strange, hollow calm wash over me. It was the calm of

k whittling something similar a few weeks ago. It was a little robin, painted with de

kay?" Sophia asked, her

ory of us, a single moment of that kind of effortless closeness. There was

ing the door behind me. The silence was heavy. I could hear them whi

to bed in stony silence, I heard her again. She thought I

him," she whispered. "He just l

pa

. I didn't feel sick at all when

hat she could tolerate Mark. She enjoyed his closeness.