The Woman I Didn't Marry

hite and cracked. I was paralyzed, a prisoner in my own body, w

er to raise a daughter who wasn't even mine, al

probably with him. Ma

, no

ed against my ear,

open. I wasn' t

land, the posters of famous buildings

ld move my fingers, my toes. I sat u

bonfire at the lake house

ant, full of the careless

co

, her voice, sent a j

, would tell our daughter Gabrielle that

er sweet nothings to Matthew ov

. Fresh out of

e night it

t to confess her feelings to Matthew Clark, and st

or it for the rest of

this

n? He

ched from my touch, the final, crushing revelation that Gabrielle, the daught

ear sentence I ha

g," I said, my

Everyone's goi

rds tasting like freedom. "A bad

wait for h

click echoing in the su

wasn't from sickness. It was rel

shed, not the wrinkled, useless things

kly turned into tears. I cried for the man I was, for the life I had was

or myself. And Nicole And

didn't go to

h Matthew, the golden boy

because she had told me, years la

ntly let her down, and she would come c

r. I had held her. I had become th

t night, her name flashing on the calle

y front door, her eyes red-rim

one my parents adored, the one

voice trembling slight

ainst the doorframe. I felt a flicker of the old instinct, the u

ised by my coldn

ar street, the manicured lawns. I saw it all with new

s not what I thought," she st

ched her face, the subtle c

ioning herself as the victim, positioning me a

said. "Anyway, I'v

to close

r eyes. "What about Cornell? Our applica

, a new start, would be good for us. She blamed me for it for years, saying I' d

and even. "New York is expensive. I think I'

was staying for her, to be her safety net while she continued

ied smile playing on her lips.

er, convinced she had me

completed application for Ohio State. Without a moment's hesitation, I

niversity Admissions Office. It contained my early-decision applicatio

ork. Alone. And it was