When Love Turns to Ash

thick with music, especially

and Jax Harding

er Ben' s best friend

c, a littl

assive cr

t felt like my whole worl

als, the ones with extra chocolat

my pencil strokes filled with a

c to every song h

teenth

school applications mailed, dreams

only The Continental Club where The Ni

of champagne backst

ke rebellion

ir damp with sweat, a half-smile playin

rt ham

ax

at cool gaze

. Happy bir

y, heartfelt rush. "I really l

and years of pent-up hope,

ck, probab

y, but he didn't k

he was looking at me with an amu

gesture that felt bo

till a ki

eart

was nursing. "When you graduate college and you're, like, twenty-two, if you still fee

ghtly, almost

nto those words

It sounded l

r y

Pratt, grap

irlwind of classes, projects, and a co

became my se

success from afar, their songs a soun

anned for my twen

irthday; it was a d

cover, a visual representation

t it felt importa

nty

finally

York for a small industry sh

the "album cover" gift, wrappe

ow meeting at a trendy ba

rly, too eager

, smelling of stale b

vate booth near the back – J

ecognize, sharp-looking

not wanting

x' s voice, low

y showing up. She' s still hung up on

od ran

e, you gotta shut that down. Chloe's gonna flip

t must be

know, I know. T

tle, but I could still

We're trying to impress her. She' s helping me stage a wh

cold an

s pregnant. That should scare her off for good. Plus, Chloe thinks it

sounded uncomfortabl

n, that'

peace, I guess. Or maybe

not with a crush

shed over me, a

efully crafted dream, sli

icky floor wi

of the bar, into the su

e a tiny shard of

my face, blurring the city l

back, a stupid,

sion of SXSW. I was maybe fifteen, definitely to

ere just starting o

yelling, equipm

ighting, precariously ba

mesmerized by Jax on s

ands grabbed my ar

a

e low stage, his ey

where I' d been stan

e' d asked, h

y nod, hear

ing into my palm. Hi

of troub

h solidified into something I thought

kept it in a l

y itself felt

hose

rs, the late nights li

move to New York, all with that one distant,

ery choice, tinged

"Can't believe she

That' s

an annoyance, a problem to be m

find one. Away from

, flickering candle in

phone, my finge

to Ben, to scre

s there to

s plan. His silence in that booth was

e. He knew Jax was going to break

Jax. Maybe I was just th

message

but my stomach

was

f you overheard stuff. Things with

ology. A

d fantasy life shattere

ve

e

tacts, found Jax' s numbe

oc

Ben

oc

partment, dripping water

he small velvet b

ky guit

It felt cold,

ol of

it into the trash can, burying it under

irst