Is This the Life We Really Want?

hat clung to my skin like sweat. The kind of guilt that ruins things before

dn't. Not

ret sitting like

art, everything. And here I am, keeping so

matter of time. Tha

I've been hiding Malik from him, well I

ow he'll look

ade some grand gesture. God, no. It's more compl

pull in my heart. That ache in my stomach whe

hat scar

es I thought had died a long time ago. The

hey're wa

n understa

understa

at keeps

ed my face into the pillow, hoping if I stayed stil

ket could swal

ld reset something in me. Just looking at it made my stomach flu

y. Just somethin

him feel like ever

creen, and for the first time in a long while, my mind which was usually good with words became s

typed some

later in the day. I love you,

t it. Read

nded r

it the

had already started sneaking into part

that I did

than that. He deserv

break somethi

off the bed, my

it was sweeter. Softer. T

wait to see you today, babe. Y

l like this: like warm sunlight and soft

hat made eve

hit my skin hard, sharp enough to steal my breath for a second. I tilted my head back and

t did

e corners of my thoughts; his voice, the way he looked at me

Wanted to reset my head,

was already o

I wa

I picked. Grabbed my bag, shoved my books in. No breakfast. No

t to campus, my

. No more delays. I'll ju

alling apart. Breaking mid-sentence. I couldn't even

to connect the dots,

he pieces, but your hea

I was holding puzzle pieces to

r to the cafeteria with R

I kept my head down, pretending to scroll through my

opened the oven on a fresh batch of something sugary, and normally, I'd be the first o

all day but I

he loudest crowd. Rose dumped her tray and sl

, watching me, "you've b

up. Force

tired. L

eyes. "Nah. This

little closer, h

told him ye

plantain around with my fork. I hated how well she knew me. H

ted, She raised

k. "I want to tell him. I d

stood. But I knew she was

think about it

ms. "Then you nee

ve done anything. Malik hasn't even said anything.

rowed. "But you

That sile

ant to," I

Jor

oat ti

een nothing but good to me. I can't even explain it properly, but something abou

ck and let

you owe him the truth. Especially if your

ingers curling around

walked past, laughing, their hands tangled together like nothing could shak

ght time. The right words." I

now. I hadn't tak

angry. Ju

heavier than anythin

*

help me study. We'd been doing thi

ow I was abou

he said as he op

bout midterms," I joked. My voice soun

y hand. "We'll get through it

kn

ghlighter?" Jordan asked,

, go

Didn't even notice at first. Not u

.. S

He was hold

busine

h

in his hand, eyes scann

CA

you ha

d of steady that's covering something. Like standing

t dry. My th

him. He st

the room hel

d my mo

othing c