Born in Exile

itiative rightly belonging to it. Self-assertion is the practical complement of self-esteem. To be largely endowed with the latter quality, yet constrained by

the boy certainly would not have endured his uncle's presence but for hospitable considerations and the respect due to his mother. The decision with which he then unbosomed himself to Oliver, still characterise

ote-repeater of academic catchwords-bah! The by-examinations of the year had whispered presage, but Peak always felt that he was not putting forth his strength; when the serious trial came he would show what was really in him. Too late he recognised his error, though he tried not to admit it. The extra subjects had exacted too much of him; there was a limit to his powers. Within the College this would be well enough understood, but to explain a disagreeable fact is not to change

of failure, but it might easily happen that Chilvers would achieve higher distinction. With an eye to awards that might be won-substantial cash-annuities-he was reading for Honours; but it seemed doubtful whether he could present himself, as the second examination was held only in London. Chilvers would of course be

s lodgings; he admitted himself with a latch-key,

ress of some distinction, was to perform Romeo and Juliet, and he purposed granting himself this indulgence before leaving the town. The plan was made when his eye fell upon the advertisement, a few days ag

tea-pot. He wanted nothing, yet c

ckguard uncle had said? Had the fellow really threatened to start an eating-house opposite the C

possibility of pursuing his studies when every class-companion, every Professor,-nay, the very porters,-had become aware that he was nephew to the man who supplied meals over the way

man was coarse-hided enough to undergo kicking, and then take sixpence in compensation,-not a doubt of it. This detestable tie of kindred must no longer be recognised. He would speak gravely to his mother about it. If Andrew again presented himself at the house he should be given plainly to understand that his visits were something less than welcome,-if necessary, a downright blunt word must effect their liberation. Godwin felt strong enough

in let the tea grow cold upon the table, until it was time, if he still meant to visit the theatre, for setting forth. He had

e than the money needed for his journey home. Walking into the town, he debated with himself whether it were not better to save this florin. But as he approached the pit door, the spirit of pleasure revived in him;

es of Kingsmill offended his instincts; he resented this appearance of inferiority to people who came at their leisure, and took seats in the better parts of the house. When a neighbour addressed him with a meaningless joke which defied

ls, a fellow-student who sat there with mother and sister, black-uniformed, looking very much a gentleman. 'I, of course, am not a gentleman,' he said to himself, gloomily. Was there any chance that he might some day take his ease in that orthodox fashion? Inasmuch as it was conventionality,

tation, and the glare of a neighbouring public-house caught his eye; he was thirsty, and might as well refresh body and spirit with a glass of beer, an unwonted indulgence which had the pleasant semblance o

nd help us to get so

htliness. He entered merrily into the talk of a time of life which is independent of morality-talk distinct from that of the blackguard, but equally so from that of the reflective man. His first glass had several successors. The trio rambled arm in arm from one place of refreshment to another, and presently sat down in hea

k or so; he would have been all the better for it, body and mind. Books and that kind of thing are all very well in their way, but one must live; he had wasted too much of his youth in solitude. O mihi proeteritos referat si Jupiter a

ckets showed that he had only the shamefaced change of half-a-crown wherewith to transport himself and his belongi

to a woman such as the landlady gnawed at his pride. Not that only. He had no business to make a demand upon his mother for this additional sum. But there was no wa

s box and portmanteau, then braced himself to the dreaded interview. Of course, it involved no difficulty, the words once uttered;

g distance. With the elevenpence now in his pocket he could purchase a ticket to a little town called Dent, and by a calculation from the railway tariff he concluded that from Dent to Twybridge

to carry, and the clouded sky made his umbrella a requisite. On he trudged steadily, for the most part by muddy ways, now through a pleasant village, now in rural solitude. He had had the precaution, at breakfast time, to store some pieces of bread in his pocke

t the world with was his brain; and only by incessant strenuousness in its exercise had he achieved the moderate prominence declared in yesterday's ceremony. By birth, by station, he was of no account; if he chose to sink, no influential voice would deplore his falling off or remind him of what he owed to himself. Chilvers, now-what a wide-spreading outcry, what calling upon gods and men, would be excited by any d

ould not but turn aside to examine these strata. He knew enough of the geology of the county to recognise the rocks and reflect with understanding upon their position; a fragment in his hand, he sat down to rest for a moment. Then a strange fit of brooding came over him. Escaping from the influences of personality, his imagination wrought back through eras of geologic time, held him in a vision of the infinitely remot

r opened to him, and the familiar faces smiled their welcome, he felt that he must have nothing to do with paltry deceit; he told of his walk, explaining it by the simple fact that this morning he had found

ted as the hero of the family, to pull out a Kingsmill newspaper and exhibit the full report of prize-day at Whitelaw, with his own name, in very small type, demanding the world's attention, an

Mrs Peak spoke of the affair in hushed privacy, with shaking of the head and frequent sighs, for to her mind Mr. Cusse had few even personal recommendations. He was a draper's assistant. Char

here, then?' w

e to say anything against it, Godwin. I s

ght have been expected to show indulgence to a draper's assistant, but, so far from this, her view of Mr. Cusse was severely scornful. She had nourished far other hopes for Charlotte, who surely at her age (Miss Cadman looked from the eminence of five-and-forty) should have been less precipitate. No undue

inful minuteness, the prizes Godwin had carried off, he remarked fervently, in each instance, 'I can see how very interesting that is! So thorough, so thorough!' Even Charlotte was at length annoyed, when Mr. Cusse had exclaimed upon the 'thoroughness' of Ben Jonson's works; she asked an abrupt question about some town affair, and so gave her brother an opportunity of taking the books away. There was no flagrant offence in the man. He spoke with passable accent, and manifested a high degree of amiability; but one could not dissociate him from the counter. At the thought that his sister might become Mrs. Cusse, Godwin ground his teeth. Now that he came to refle

begun to display that kind of vivaciousness which is only compatible with a nature moulded in common clay. He saw much company, and all of low intellectual order; he had purchased a bicycle, and regarded it as a source of distinction, a means of displaying himself before shopkeepers' daughters; he believed

lation struck unexpectedly upon his nerves and severely tried his temper. When at length Oliver, waiting for supper, began to

d, with fiery sarcasm, 'to joi

itary posture of attention. He a

't say

'Though you are employed in a shop, I should have thou

s still had to share one bedroom, they were presently alone together, and their muteness, as they lay down to sleep, show

you a

es

. I didn't mention. He talks of opening

O

ignified nothing m

any reason wh

d a little be

ouldn't be very

It would mean that I should have to lea

the other, with

n Godwin sat up in bed, as had always been his

emember that I had that blackguard before my mind, and that it isn

to say I am

they show a much stronger likeness to a grandfather, or an uncle, or even more distant relatives. Just think over this, and make up your mind to resist any danger of that sort. I tell you plainly that the habits you are getting into, and the people you make friends of, are detestable. F

to move uneasily in his bed, and a

see what

your danger. Do you suppose I could sing nigger songs, and run a

ke, and it wouldn'

brains and to use them. The life you lead

, I can't help it,' replied Ol

live respectably, if only you l

al kindliness. To this Oliver made only a few brief and muttered replies

After dinner he went out with unsettled purpose. He would gladly have conversed with Mr Gunnery, but the old people were just now on a stay with relatives in Bedfordshire, and their return might be delayed for another week. Perhaps it behoved him to go and see Mr. Moxey, but he was indisposed to v

tched his growth from infancy; in general it affects him as a steadying influence, keeping before his mind the social bonds to which his behaviour owes allegiance. The only person whom Godwin regarded with feeling akin to this was Mr. Gunnery, but the geologist found no favour with Mrs. Peak, and thus he involuntarily helped to widen the gap between the young man and his relatives. Nor had the intimacies of school time supplied Godwin with friendships for the yea

was to London that his ambition pointed, when he forecast the future. Where else could he hope for opportunity of notable advancement? At Twybridge? Impossible to find more than means of subsistence; his soul loathed such a prospect. At Kingsmill? There was a slender hope that he might establish a connection with Whitelaw College, if he devoted himself

ays tempted his fancy. In that case he would be safely severed from the humble origin which in his native country might long be an annoyance, or even an obstacle; no Uncle

was near the hour at which Mr. Moxey was about to go home for his afternoon dinn

naccompanied. Greetings speedily followed. The manufacturer, who was growing stout in his mellow y

see you! I have heard of

boast of,

there last Friday, and tells me you carried off hal

d-twenty, well-dressed, sauntering with a ca

r day, when you distinguished yourself, and if I had known then that you were an acquaintance of my

weak constitution. In talking he leant upon his cane, and his movements were languid; none the less, his person was distinguished by an air of graceful manhood. His features, separately considered, were ordinary enough; together they made a coun

Moxey, in a tone of genial invitation. 'I daresay you ha

of a dinner table, such as he was not used to sit at; he

t your chemistry paper. Any posers this time? My nephew won't be out of it;

s connected with some liberal profession. Glancing at the attractive face, he met a singular look, a smile which sugges

ves. It had never been heard that any one of them was sought in marriage. Godwin, superfluously troubled about his attire, met them with grim endeavour at politeness; their gravity, a result of shyness, he misinterpreted, supposing them to hold aloof from a young man who had been in their father's employ. But before he could suffer much from the necessity of formal conversation the door opene

glancing at Godwin. 'Marcel

as she came forward, and mad

e aware that Marcella regarded him from time to time with furtive interest. Presently he learnt that Christian and his sister were on a short visit at the house of their relatives; th

en significant to everyone who heard it. At dinner, his place was by her side, and he attended to her with more than courtesy. This astonished Peak. He deemed it incredible that any man should conceive a tender feeling for a girl so far from beautiful. Constantly occupied with thought of sexual attachments, he had never ima

blems: one must learn to act a part, to control the facial mechanism, to observe and anticipate, even whilst the intellect is spending its sincere energy on subjects unavowed. The perfectly graceful man will always be he who has no strong apprehension either of his own personality or of that of others, who lives on the surface of things, who can be interested w

utlay in fees for the course her son was pursuing; payment was then made to the registrar as if from Peak himself. But Lady Whitelaw's sisters were in the secret, and was it likely that they maintained absolute discretion in talking with their Twybridge friends? There seemed, in the first instance, to be a tacit understanding that the whole affair should remain strictly private, and to Godwin himself, sensible enough of such refinements, it was by no means inconceivable that silence had been strictly preserved.

s Moxey, talking of he knew not what. In a short half-hour he screwed up his courage to the point of leave-taking. Marcella and three of her cousins had disapp

eave Whitelaw?' he inquired. 'Your tastes seem abo

idea what I shall d

t had been taken for granted that I was preparing for business, so into busine

dwin answered, with an abse

in at my rooms, will you? I should be delighted to see you. Most of my day is spent in the romant

nk y

g hard, and haven't much leisure. I'm an idle dog, unfortunately. I should like to

in embarrassed silence, Christian looked about with a peculiar smile, and seemed on the point of indulging in fur

genial associate, did but circumstances favour their intercourse. That was not very l

ional system in which he had become involved that studious effort should be called for immediately after that frenzy of college competition. He ought now to have been '

aching the house, he learnt that Mr. Gunnery had suffered an accident which threatened serious results. Walking barefoot in his bedroom the night before, he had stepped upon the point of a

e the end of me. Pooh! who doesn't know that such a thing is fatal at my age? Blood-poisoning has fairly begun. I'd a good deal rather have broken my neck among honest lumps of old red sands

zzled and feeble dame. Shaken into the last stage of senility by this alarm, s

he had made a will, bequeathing his collections and scientific instruments to Godwin Peak: his books were to be sold for the benefit of the widow, who would enjoy an annuity purchased out of her husban

gthened by the influence of his friend Earwaker, a young man of singularly complex personality, positive and analytic in a far higher degree than Peak, yet with a vein of imaginative vigour which seemed to befit quite a different order of mind. Godwin was not distinguished by originality in thinking, but his strongly featured character converted to uses of h

t anxiety, he brooded over his defeat by Chilvers, and thought with extreme reluctance of the year still to be spent at Whitelaw, probably a year of humiliation. In the meantime, should he or should he

en, but could not bring himself to express this feeling, for a discussion would inevitably have disclosed all his mind concerning the draper's assistant. Oliver seemed to have forgiven his brother's reproaches, but no longer behaved with freedom when Godwin was present. For all this, the elder's irri

odwin, with ominous calm, as he

pose,' replie

u are going to wear

why

aise his eyes, stared at t

he other, 'that it's a disgrac

atter with the hat? It'

uously away. But Oliver had been touched in a

ing fault with,' he exclaimed

he kingdom. It's bad enough to follow when you can't help it, but to imitate asses gratuitously is the lowest depth of degradation. Don't you know that that is the mea

d Oliver, impatiently. 'I am c

risk of such contentment! Like other people? Heaven forbid

ice summoned Mrs. Peak

rated. 'Whatever is it? Why s

made and long worn widow's dress. Self-possession marked her manner, and the even to

to represent

e to wear a hat that's in fashi

d look. Godwin, dreading contact with friends of the family, strode upstairs. When the door was opened, there appeared the sm

very long. Godwin at 'ome with you, I s'pose? Thet you, Noll? 'Ow do, my bo-oy? 'Ere's yer cousin Jowey. Shike 'ands, Jowey bo-oy

ter him. Having deposited his handbag and umbrella on the sofa, he se

down, bo-oy! Down't be

the youth, in a tone whic

e saw that Oliver, after shaking hands in a very strained way, had abruptly left the room, and Godwin would be anything but willing to meet his uncle. When the name of her

' he inquired anxiously. '

ish we could bring this

. Peak had uttered her se

ivate,' said Godwin, 'and si

ow him by my manner. Oliver has gone out, and when Charlotte comes home I'll tell her to keep out

all alone. I'll come down with you

s nephew appeared, Andrew spr

next quarter dye! "Peak's Dinin' and Refreshment Rooms!" Jowey an'

nd began to turn a little glass ornament round and round. Fate had spoken. On the instant, all his College life was far

y shrugged his shoulders and avoided the topic, ashamed to dwell on the particulars of his shame. In hearing Andrew's announcement

anges in the place?' G

and I want your 'elp, my bo-oy. You an' me 'II jest write a bit of a circular-see? to send round to the

ust to regard Andrew resentfully; destiny alone was to blame. And, after all, the man might be so absorbed in his own interest, so strictly confined to the views of his own class, as never to have dreamt of the sensibilities he wounded. In fact, the shame excited by this prospect was artificial. Godwin had already felt that it was unworthy alike of a philosopher and of a h

to Collige, will Jowey. Godwin, jest arst the bo-oy a question or two, will you? 'E ain't been

s cousin, who stood with pe

lliam the Conqueror?'

ke me larff! Zif I didn't know thet

on of such sincere pride that Godwin, fo

poitry; them as you learnt lars

into fearsom

o long rem'ined, I dreamt as they was fil

sacred, and the reciter stopped w

and shouldn't never 'ave thought of s'long as I lived. We was talkin' about jewellery, an' Jowey, 'e pops up all at wunst. "It's called jewellery," says

' was the

ok her son's assent seriously, and felt that it

ge. Godwin'll put us up to all the ins and outs. Plenty o' time for that; 'e'

red Godwin, who had changed in look and ma

me. Jest thought we'd break the journey

Mrs. Peak, surprised at Godwin's transformation,

Godwin's prejudices, Charlotte would have behaved civilly to the London uncle. In the end, Andrew took his leave in the friendliest possible way, re