Love In Cold Blood

“INTRO I hugged him tight assuring him I meant what I said. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I gave a slight wave to my brother and my boyfriend. Their eyes widened when they realized what I planned to do. Just as he started to pull away from the hug I tightened my grip and pulled him as I fell back from the cliff. The realization that I am going to die with the person I hate the most in this world. Sent a wave of emotions through me like a strike of lightning and the only thing I could do was close my eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DIARY ENTRY- Do you ever wonder what it's like? when a sharp object meets the human skin in a way that doesn't harm it. A way that's just to test if you could feel something. To feel anything other than that feeling of rejection, depression, anger, and sorrow. The feeling that maybe somewhere out there you belong. That someone out there cares about your existence. That maybe even you care about your existence. That you're... not alone. I know what it's like. I've taken that sharp object. Any sharp object. Sometimes a kitchen blade, sometimes a glass bottle I've shattered to pieces. That sharp object caresses parts of the skin on my arms slowly. Yet I feel no different. It stings for just a split second then the blood pools from the cuts left behind. I've been doing it since age twelve after being raped and going through the process of no one believing me and shower after shower trying to wash away... trying to wash away the feeling of utter disgust. Trying to take back my body with soap, water, and a pouf. Just like a tattoo that feeling of... feeling like waste after your stepfather has had a long night doing whatever he wanted to u sticks. It's permanent. And in his words... you are his and only his. You are permanently his toy. I thought living was hard as hell but so is dying. Sixteen failed suicide attempts. Back to square one. Living a nightmare you can't die or wake up from is all there is in my world. Welcome to hell. -Sky ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~”